Much like Stephen Colbert did this week, Bill Maher also pointed the finger in Trayvon Martin's murder at the hands of George Zimmerman at this country's psychotic love of guns on his show last night.
And finally, New Rule. The next time someone attacks President Obama for being unfriendly to business, one industry has to stand up and thank him as the best friend they've ever had: America's gun makers.
Over the past four years, fear of a black president has made gun sales shoot through the roof and into the apartment upstairs. There are now more guns in America than there are people. [See note after the fold.] And if you laid them end to end, Ted Nugent would ejaculate until he dissolved into a pile of dust. Did you know that Walmart is selling guns again? Happy Easter, motherfucker!
Now I believe, of course, that an American should have the right to protect their home. Their own home, from robbers, or rapists, or some guy on the Bravo network who wants to redecorate. So, make no mistake, anyone who breaks into my house and threatens me and my vicious Pomeranians, Gilbert and Sullivan, is going to be staring down the barrel of a Franchi SPAS-12 combat shotgun loaded with incendiary rounds. That's right, dirtbag. Take one step toward my car elevator, and I will set you on fire like a Burmese monk.
That said, my preference is to run away. Because killing people is bad karma, and also I have white carpeting. Now, we can go on and on about hoodies and the neighborhood watch guy who looks like Chaz Bono. But it's not really a discussion until you save some blame for the liberal politicians who unconditionally surrendered in the fight for sensible gun laws. When are they going to stand their ground?
Did you know yesterday that Texas adopted a law allowing you to shoot a deer with a silencer? How is this even a problem? Do you need to take out deer henchmen before they can warn the deer evil genius in his lair? It's a deer; you have a gun. It doesn't even have hands. How much more of an edge do you need?
Right now, Congress is considering a bill that would forbid the EPA from regulating the lead in bullets. Not that the EPA is regulating the lead in bullets, but it might. And imagine what they could do if they linked up with the deer!
Hunters leave 3,000 tons of lead bullets in America's forests every year, which poisons 20,000,000 birds. Birds that will never know the joy of being blown to pieces by a miserable chinless fuckface. (wild audience applause)
Why can't we even pass a rule against poisoned bullets? This is a cautionary tale about what happens when the Democrats completely lay down on an issue, and let the Right get whatever they want. You get insanity. Arming panicky untrained vigilantes like George Zimmerman and telling them it's OK to shoot whenever they're afraid, is like dumping all the milk bones on the kitchen floor and telling your dog, "Just eat when you're hungry."
Stand Your Ground, guns in bars, guns in church, guns in the classroom.... Where does it end? Why not guns in the delivery room? What if my fetus is armed, and comes out firing? Also, I think we should have a "use it or lose it" law. Yeah, where at least once every six months you have to shoot someone. After all, isn't that what gun nuts really want, to shoot someone? Otherwise, what's the point of collecting something that just sits on the shelf? I mean, I collect rare Ming dynasty opium pipes. But I use them!
Just to clarify, when Maher says there are "more guns in America than there are people", from what I could find, the latest study on this was from 2007 which found from the Small Arms Survey that there were 90 guns for every 100 people in the U.S. So not quite, but daaaaaamn, it's pretty darn close. However, notably, this was from 2007, and we all know gun sales went through the roof when Obama was elected, and again this year in fear of Obama's re-election. And that's a different surge than the over 1.5 million background checks needed in December 2011 ALONE. So with all those surges, Maher could very well be correct that the number of guns now outnumbers the number of people in this country.