Last night, Jon Stewart also looked at how unenthusiastic a lot of Mitt Romney's high-profile endorsers have been about their endorsements of Mitt.
Anyway, John McCain's seemingly innocent slip-up set the stage for a series of Romney endorsements where high-profile Republicans cannot seem to back the former Massachusetts Governor without their tongues trying to escape from their heads. It's the subject of tonight's Endless Suffrage 2012.
Look, Romney's going to be the nominee. Everybody's decided. They're all getting behind him. What they haven't really decided is, why?
....
Watch rising star Marco Rubio attempt to endorse Romney without tasting just a little bit of vomit in the back of his throat.
SEN. MARCO RUBIO, R-FL (3/28/2012): Well, I am going to endorse Mitt Romney, and the reason why is not only is he going to be the Republican nominee, but he offers at this point such a stark contrast to the President's record.
"I'm going to endorse Romney because he's going to be the Republican nominee." That's like, "I'm going to endorse Mitt Romney because... mm... whaddaya gonna do?" And then he said, "at this point" he's a good contrast. "At this point." This version of Romney will be a good contrast to the President.
Video and full transcript below the fold.
But let's begin tonight in the world of electoral politics, and the fate of one Willington Mittford Romerfeller III. You remember all the way back in January, John McCain was one of the first prominent Republicans to board the Mitt private plane with a full-throated endorsement.
JOHN MCCAIN (1/5/2012): I am confident with the leadership and the backing of the American people, President Obama will turn this country around. We believe in America. We believe that our best days are ahead of us. (crowd reacts to "Obama") President... excuse me, President Romney, President Romney.
"What did I say?" Anyway, John McCain's seemingly innocent slip-up set the stage for a series of Romney endorsements where high-profile Republicans cannot seem to back the former Massachusetts Governor without their tongues trying to escape from their heads. It's the subject of tonight's Endless Suffrage 2012.
Look, Romney's going to be the nominee. Everybody's decided. They're all getting behind him. What they haven't really decided is, why? Last week brought a string of high-profile endorsements for Romney, perhaps none higher profile than this one.
That's right, Hugh Hefner endorsed Mitt Romney for President. (audience cheering and laughter)
That is actually former President George Herbert Walker Bush. But the optics of this picture are important. Look at this photo-op. It is Mitt Romney, and an almost 90-year-old guy in what looks like formal yacht wear. But look at the picture. Who in it looks like the hipper more relatable guy to hang out with? It ain't Romney! Romney's so bland, in this picture, he makes Bush almost look ethnic. All right, let's get to the endorsement.
GEORGE H.W. BUSH (3/30/2012): Barbara and I are very proud to fully and enthusiastically endorse and support our old friend Mitt Romney. He's a good man, he'll make a great President, and we just wish him well.
"But, we do both wish he'd stop sitting there staring at us creepily." Seriously, does Mitt Romney really need to be there staring at them like that? It looks like he's holding them hostage in some ways! George, blink twice if you're really looking to endorse Santorum.
Republican after Republican have begun to line up behind Mitt Romney with one simple message.
REP. PAUL RYAN, R-WI (3/30/2012): The more we drag it out, the harder it is to win in November. ... I think we're entering a phase where it could become counterproductive if this drags on much longer. And so that's why I think we need to coalesce as conservatives around Mitt Romney.
What?? "We have voted enough. You know, when we first started voting, I thought it was working out for us, but now the voting... I don't know." Watch rising star Marco Rubio attempt to endorse Romney without tasting just a little bit of vomit in the back of his throat.
SEN. MARCO RUBIO, R-FL (3/28/2012): Well, I am going to endorse Mitt Romney, and the reason why is not only is he going to be the Republican nominee, but he offers at this point such a stark contrast to the President's record.
"I'm going to endorse Romney because he's going to be the Republican nominee." That's like, "I'm going to endorse Mitt Romney because... mm... whaddaya gonna do?" And then he said, "at this point" he's a good contrast. "At this point." This version of Romney will be a good contrast to the President.
Look, I'm not saying every endorsement's gotta be at the Ted Kennedy for Barack Obama level.
SEN. TED KENNEDY, D-MA (1/28/2008): I'm proud to stand with him here today and offer my help, offer my voice, offer my energy, my commitment, to make Barack Obama the next President of the United States!
Wooooo!! But, an endorsement should at least meet the George Kennedy for better breath standard.
GEORGE KENNEDY: I swallow a few powerful capsules, and I have cleaner breath for hours and hours. ... Breathasure.
That's an endorsement! He's not saying, "Take Breathasure cuz, well, we just can't keep standing here at the counter looking at Certs and Trident and everything else. And the truth is, Breathasure's better than bad breath, I guess, I dunno."
All right, a lot of tepid endorsements. But these are mostly Tea Party types that are giving these. Let's hear from Romney's base: fellow Northeastern moderate dull ex-governors.
FORMER GOV. GEORGE PATAKI, R-NY (3/7/2012): I am endorsing him. ... Now Mitt is not a perfect candidate, he has a number of problems....
All right, which are very much overshadowed by his good qualities, which are....
FORMER GOV. GEORGE PATAKI, R-NY (3/7/2012): It's hard for him for blue-collar families like mine to identify with him, it's hard for economic conservatives to identify with him....
(Jon facepalms)
But you know, he's good with Latinos.
FORMER GOV. GEORGE PATAKI, R-NY (3/7/2012): He needs to do more to reach out to the Latinos....
All right, geez, cut! These are his supporters, for God's sakes! This is politics, presidential politics! Fake it better! Just imagine if past campaigns had failed this test of sincerity. "I Like Ike" would've been "Ike's Fine". Reagan's optimistic "Morning in America" would be (looks at watch) "Yeah, it's time to get up". It's like a proposal on a football scoreboard reading:
(wild audience applause)
Can anybody... anybody... anybody out there offer a strong unequivocal endorsement of Mitt Romney? Mitt Romney's wife!
4/2/2012:
CLARENCE MITCHELL IV, WBAL: Sometimes he appears stiff. Do you have to fight back some criticism like, "My husband isn't stiff, OK?"
ANN ROMNEY: Well, ah, you know, it's, I guess, I guess, we better unzip him and let the real Mitt Romney out 'cause he is not.
(shocked audience applause)
You're not helping. We'll be right back.
Al Madrigal then looked at how
Tucson banned Mexican-American studies from its public schools.
Meanwhile, Stephen followed up on what college students can get with
Colbert Super Fun PAC, and then at the story about the
pink slime in meat.
He then looked at the latest in
God news, with a new documentary on Christian card counters in Vegas.
Jon then talked with former Maldives President
Mohamed Nasheed, who was recently overthrown in a coup by forces loyal to their former dictator. The interview went long, and is here in two parts.
Part 1
Part 2
Meanwhile, Stephen talked with former New Mexico Governor Gary Johnson, who's now running to be the Libertarian Party's nominee for President.