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When I last left you all I had discussed why men in general being macho was a good (read: tolerable) thing in certain contexts. Now I’ll explain why men need to move past this idea that they should hate their dad and try to sleep with as many women as possible. Let me reiterate: if you truly believe that that’s how you want to act, then good for you, enjoy your syphilis and Oedipus complex. This is about men in general, and you are under no obligation to stop being a tosser just because I call it dumb

So, let’s discuss why a man acting in the aforementioned ways now is so fucking stupid. Remember, this is my opinion, based on my perceptions, and stems from my experience. Anyone who thinks that society in general should embrace a militaristic lifestyle or that women are inferior to men or that men should treat emotions the way they do a disease that causes their testicles to fall off is free to think so and try to defend their opinion. However, just know that if you think that that is how men are supposed to act, or that women’s inferiority is factual, or that half the population of a country should be violent, paranoid shitheads fantasizing about stabbing their dads, then I think you are incredibly, undeniably, woefully, stupid. Pop culture treating all men like that or tacitly glorifying a society that encourages men to act that way is getting to be incredibly infuriating. Not all men think women are only fuck puppets or want to shoot everyone. Not all men worship Michael Bay and his gasoline explosions or Marcus Fenix and his scowling angsty rage. And the sooner people stop making movies, TV shows, commercials, billboards, skywritings, milk cartons, and ringtones that “cater to men” by doing all that, the sooner men in general can get past it and start doing things like going to college or volunteering or reading. Now that I’ve simmered down, let’s begin the real discussion

Men treating women as being somehow beneath them is wrong for very self-evident reasons. If those reasons aren’t apparent to you, then please start hitting your head against a wall until they are. It flummoxes me that there are men in this time who think that women are to be treated as sex puppets who should never leave the kitchen unless it’s to take care of the kids. If a woman wants to resign herself to that kind of life, then congratu-fuckin-lations for her on being so ambitious. However, any man who thinks that all women should be that way deserves to have his head remain up his ass until he chokes on his own shit. I’m not sure when being “macho” meant you had to objectify and look down on women, but it’s woefully moronic and even silly. This defiance to accept the equality of men and women can only come from either stupidity or a fear of losing a form of dominance, no matter how small or nonexistent (so yeah it just comes from stupidity). Women should be afforded the same respect as her male counterpart, and any man who doesn’t think so is a childish fuckwit who needs to grow up, see things from another perspective, and stop being a bitch. Treating women as inferior beings who only exist to hold your cock and children is dehumanizing, disrespectful, and bloody childish. How is it that most of the things that characterize “being a man” are things that 14 year olds fantasize about? Any “real man” respects women and focuses inward to improve himself rather than try to drag others down. Men should not and generally do not, despite what movies try to say, look down on women for being, on average, physically weaker and more emotional, nor should they look down on men who are physically weaker and more emotional. Strength is not the basis for self-worth in our society when strength itself doesn’t have much worth anymore. You no longer need to look like you have melons in your arms in order to work and protect yourself, so the only real goal of getting strong is for strength itself, and that’s not much of a goal. Society in general seems to have realized this, but pop culture and few men are straggling behind and causing problems for the rest of us.

The militaristic lifestyle, for those not in the military, has little place in modern society (except for third world countries but one issue at a time). This obsession with strength and violence work fine when said strength is required to survive the surrounding violence. Outside of that, it is at best pointless and at worst dangerous. The only thing that poses a threat that would require such aggression and violence to prevent it would be other people with aggressive and violent tendencies. Any person who tries to fight violence or some wrong doing with equally violent or wrong actions clearly isn’t thinking too far ahead. I’m not saying there’s anything wrong with some guy hitting another for, say, trying to sleep with his girlfriend, but killing him isn’t the best way to handle it. I grow weary of the typical rhetoric about guys wanting to jump some other guy for some dumb sleight against them or how they look forward to the end of society so they can kill people justifiably. Anyone who sits around waiting for a reason to kill someone clearly needs to go to therapy because his perception of reality is somewhat askew. Self-defense is one thing, but people who sit around polishing their guns and thinking about how fun it would be to kill someone is fucked up in the head, and I’m rather tired of that mindset being part of “being a man.” Military lifestyle is not something to really be idolized. It exists to prepare people to kill each other, and a functioning society has no use for something like that when there are no Nazi’s to shoot at. “Being a man” does not and should not require being excited at the prospect of killing someone. Again, any “real man” sees the value in a life and will work to save it, not end it (no matter what Gears of War and Modern Warfare tell you). If you aren’t smart enough to work out your problems with words, then go read a book or something and come back when you can put a coherent thought together. Work on improving yourself intellectually, not on doing intestinal damage to your neighbor.

The idea that men don’t have emotions or that they should repress them comes from, to the best of my knowledge, oxygen deprivation. Or maybe from the same pretention to strength that causes the others. In the military or when hunting, being emotional is a negative thing. Crying over having to kill Bambi or Thumper or your neighbor Frank only gets in the way. Somehow the idea that men should push their emotions to the side when fighting or hunting was replaced with the idea that men shouldn’t emotions at all. When this change happened is anyone’s guess, and as for why, well my oxygen deprivation theory has yet to be disproven. The problem with this in modern times is no one can relate to characters that lack emotions. (Err, sorry, meant “people who lack emotions,” I don’t use pop culture to process social interactions). Besides the fact that no one likes emotionally vacant homunculi, emotionally repressed people are more prone to violent behavior, have ultimately unfulfilling lives, and can’t have meaningful relationships and other nice things. I’m all for the idea of shelving your emotions for immediate tasks that need to be done, after all cutting wood would be much more arduous if you loved each log like it was your child. Problems arise though when the perception that all men are emotionless cocks who will unfailingly disappoint when it comes to being supportive becomes the norm. As someone who routinely fails to be emotionally supportive, I can’t get too upset about it. But I’m bad at being supportive, not because of my dick, but because I can’t empathize for shit and I have no idea what will make people feel better when they’re down. Trying to attribute that to my Y chromosome is just silly. If men aren’t supposed to be afraid then being afraid to be emotional is absolutely contradictory to being a man.

Thankfully, some people get it. Most of the characters that, say, John Wayne portrayed were honorable, chivalrous and all those other nice words. For his time, he knew how to set an example far better than Michael Bay or Vin Diesel in those Fast and Fucking Interminable movies. It’s a problem in modern times. The biggest names in pop culture are terrible role models, and while this was once a major thing in women’s rights, it still applies to male role models. Marcus Fenix runs around chainsawing enemies and scowling since anger is the only emotion that men should have, the “ideal women” in movies  are all submissive sluts, Call of Duty and Battlefield try to be as realistic as possible because all teenage boys want to start killing for real…the list of problems goes on and on. Thankfully, one company truly gets it. Pixar. From “How to Train Your Dragon” teaching the merits of intelligence, individuality, and following the path you want, to Up showing the life of an old widowed man who truly loved his wife and being a role model for a young boy, Pixar is not afraid to have their male leads undergo fantastic adventures and character arcs without having them be emotionally dead, body-building misogynists. In fact, the male leads in these accomplish nigh impossible tasks despite, and often because, they are weak, emotional, and respectful. They use intelligence, heart, and camaraderie to overcome any obstacle, and nothing could be a better model for young boys. Boys don’t need Heracles or Arnold Schwarzenegger as icons, they need Wall-E. Pop culture needs more self-less male leads with actual heart, men who aren’t afraid to be an individual and form loving bonds with people. It isn’t hard. Why must all male leads be dumb gorillas who punch and shoot heir problems, and why the fuck should we sit back and accept it? Same way I’m tired of female leads being over-sexualized or submissive, I’m tired of men being thick-headed, violent assholes. Can we please, please, move past this stereotype and be more mature, not just in movies, but in real life? I know I can’t be the only guy who thinks this way, and if I am, then allow me one final goodbye to my faith in humanity before it leaves forever.

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Comment Preferences

  •  Where have we gotten to... (1+ / 0-)
    Recommended by:
    IADave

    ...when John Wayne is considered the mature, positive role model??  Ah, the '70s, we hardly knew ye...

    The '60s were simply an attempt to get the 21st Century started early....Well, what are we waiting for? There's no deadline on a dream!

    by Panurge on Thu Apr 05, 2012 at 11:40:21 PM PDT

  •  Pixar didn't make (0+ / 0-)

    How to train your dragon.

    Lenin Cat says "In soviet Russia Cat chases Dog"

    by DanceHallKing on Fri Apr 06, 2012 at 02:43:11 AM PDT

  •  Again, I think that your heart (3+ / 0-)
    Recommended by:
    ubertar, frankzappatista, IADave

    is in the right place, but your arguments trip all over themselves.  You start with an unexamined Freudian construct (are you really going to base your take on masculinity on the Oedipus concept?) and go downhill from there, and what you wind up with is a litany of recycled and contradictory cliches and received truths about men and women.

    I think you might really enjoy some of the key texts on masculinity, and they might give some muscularity to your arguments -- I fully agree with a number of your sentiments, but I don't think you do "the cause" (of human decency and rights) any good with your current formulations. It's one thing to be right, but another thing to have the resources to prove you are right.

    I notice that you have "sociology" as a tag for the diary, but I don't see any evidence of any sociological method in play.  Maybe you mean "society."

    I'd highly recommend you take a look at David Gilmore's Manhood in the Making-- it would give you some good material to support some of your claims, and might clarify the problems with others.

    "If you fake the funk, your nose will grow." -- Bootsy Collins

    by hepshiba on Fri Apr 06, 2012 at 06:00:29 AM PDT

  •  seems like you didn't read the 'don't insult your (1+ / 0-)
    Recommended by:
    IADave

    audience in the first paragraph' comment in your first diary.

    In any case, the crux of your argument seems to be 'don't be a dick' which isn't a particularly new philosophy...

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