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With the increasing popularity of all things undead, here's a handy guide to spotting and dealing with the differently vital in our community

Zombies

Habitat: Graveyards, outside the door trying to get in, Ikea
Diet: Brains
Field Marks: Lurching walk, torn clothes, bloodstains around mouth
How to discourage: Cricket bats

Vampires

Habitat: Gothic castles, lame movies
Diet: Blood
Field Marks: Nocturnal, invisible in mirrors
How to discourage: Garlic, crosses, stakes through the heart, sunlight

Werewolves

Diet: You
Habitat: London
Field marks: Turns into a wolf at full moon. Duh!
How to discourage: Silver bullets.

Jesus

Diet: Bread and wine
Habitat: Omnipresent
Field marks: Holes in hands and feet, walks on water
How to discourage: Averse to gays and birth control. If you are a guy hit on him, otherwise talk about your uterus.

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