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                                  Letter A

Ancient people respected the patriarch’s role
As the way to exert reproductive control
In my house, it’s the same, and it’s working quite well
So prepare to be part of my Medieval hell!

Baby Bella must battle a fatal disease
Yet we tote her around just as much as we please
We are making the most of each God-given day
With a lifetime enrollment in the NRA!

Contraception is evil! It might let folks screw
Without fear of a pregnancy! No! That won’t do!
Every egg needs a sperm, every zygote must thrive
If we want to keep female suppression alive!

Dropping out of the race was a sad day for me
I was sure that I’d capture the presidency
But a loss in my home state would leave me in shame
With the stigma of “loser” attached to my name.

Education’s for snobs! For the pompous elite!
Ignorance for the masses! It just can’t be beat!
I’ve three college degrees but my kids I home school
Using purloined materials, breaking the rule.

Family values loomed large in my short-lived campaign
We must all embrace suffering, anguish and pain
That’s how my family rolls, now it’s your turn to live
The repressive intolerant guidance I give.

Gay and lesbian couples should never be wed!
Nor allowed to consort or to share home or bed
Married couples should all look like Karen and me
Sanctimonious folks with a big family.

Homosexual fears consume all of my days
There is something quite wrong in the lives of the gays
Man on dog? Man on man? That just cannot be right
So I think about that until late, late at night.

Independents won’t vote for a guy so extreme
Who exceeds every hateful Conservative meme
But don’t worry! I’ve sewn up the Tea Party vote
So I’ve got every reason to stand up and gloat!

JFK (also Catholic) once gave a big speech
On his fears of religion and faith over-reach
How he craved separation of church and of state
But his words made me nauseous and filled me with hate.

Karen keeps me on track when my words get too mean
Like a censor defining what’s just too obscene
But the “base” understands every dog-whistle word
For them, nothing’s too crass, or too cruel or absurd.

Legislatively, I have not done all that much
Except whining and carping and griping and such
Eighteen years in the Congress, you’d think I’d have done
More than that, but I didn’t.  Hard work is no fun.

Mining coal is great work, but it’s just not for me
That’s why I went to college and got my degree
Then I stayed for two more, got a good Senate job
Then I told off Obama for being a snob.

Next time ‘round, I’ll be ready with my SuperPAC
And more millionaire friends who will all have my back
I’ll run ads that will prove my Conservative cred
As delusional visions dance ‘round in my head.

Obama’s a danger! A Socialist foe!
He’s no friend of the worker or average Joe
He’s a pompous elitist with Harvard degree
Not a genuine blue-collar fellow like me.

Pennsylvanians know me; but that’s not a “plus”
They should be open-minded when thinking of us
I’m a family guy who has blue-collar roots
With a sweater-vest wardrobe, not corporate suits.

Quitting? No! I’m “suspending” my campaign for now
I’ll be back! Do not fear! I’m not taking a bow!
My pronouncements you’ll still get to hear every day
When I land a great gig on Fox News (with big pay!)

Romney would be the worst for the GOP cause
His flip-flopping opinions should give voters pause
And he hasn’t denounced all the things I abhor
He’s a corporate shill (and a Mormon, what’s more!)

Sex should only be used to augment family size
Any moment of pleasure you just must disguise
Get it done if you must, then atone for your sin
It’s an awful temptation; best not to give in.

Teabag faithful were stunned losing Palin and Cain
But I’m here! Now their faith is rewarded again!
They will flock to my side as a logical choice
If they’re seeking a pompous Conservative voice.

Unemployment percentages? I just don’t care!
Not today’s, not tomorrow’s. I just won’t go there.
And don’t ask for my plan to bring jobs: I’ve got none
But elect me and then I will finally write one.

Vests I sported all winter, how “preppy” I dressed!
They were made for us “special”, as we were obsessed
And my family looked great all decked out just like clones
With the underpaid workers who manned campaign phones.

White House dreams I’ll sustain for another four years
We will surely be facing the same daunting fears
So, don’t worry ‘bout me; I’m not going away
(Even if for that outcome you pray every day!)

X-X-X rated stuff should be banned right away!
It has simply no place in the US of A
It makes sex seem so cheap and so tawdry and vile
(Well, it is, but please note: that’s my personal style)

Young folks now are too few, and abortion’s to blame
This is really the truth! Not some spurious claim!
If you like that, don’t worry. I’ve got plenty more
They are part of my Right-Winger fantasy tour.

Zealots aren’t understood in the times that they preach
I can tell you: my life is no day at the beach
For a day at the beach would mean scantily clad
Men and women! Oh, no! That would really be bad!

Originally posted to cassandracarolina's fossil record on Sun Apr 15, 2012 at 01:38 PM PDT.

Also republished by Indigo Kalliope, DKOMA, Readers and Book Lovers, and Community Spotlight.

Poll

Now that Rick Santorum has suspended his campaign, what's next??

18%21 votes
21%24 votes
27%31 votes
6%7 votes
0%1 votes
0%1 votes
7%9 votes
3%4 votes
6%7 votes
0%0 votes
3%4 votes
2%3 votes
0%1 votes
0%0 votes

| 113 votes | Vote | Results

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