GUS (Gave Up Smoking) is a community support diary for Kossacks in the midst of quitting smoking. Any supportive comments, suggestions or positive distractions are appreciated. If you are quitting or thinking of quitting (or want to support quitters), please - join us! We kindly ask that politics be left out.
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Good morning my darlings!! This diary is my first GUS one since -- well, forever. At least since back in my arrogant -- "hey, look at me, I quit" days just prior to lighting up again. First, let me give you a brief history of my smoking career.
First cigarette: stolen from my Dad when I was 11. Viceroy. Gagged -- stole more but didn't smoke that much. Impetus? Those insidious candy cigarettes that sold for 5 cents a little box of 20 -- 10 sticks each stuck together (why don't computers have a cent symbol on the keyboard?).
First "serious" smoking: cigs stolen from my Dad when I was 16. Viceroy. Gagged -- stole more and then bought my own -- menthols -- for about 30 cents a pack. Those were the good old days you could get them out of machines. I used them as a diet aid. I was 230 plus pounds in high school. I quit for a year when I entered the convent in September 1968.
First convent cigarette: 1969, my dear friend, L, entered with her stash of cigs -- we found various places in the Mother House and later, the convent at the Seminary to smoke. I'd say we smoked about a cig and a half a day. Gradually moved up to about 5 cigs a day in the 8 years I was in the convent.
Quit smoking from 1976 to 1984 -- started again because of graduate school -- stupid. Not even a pack a day. Quit again after second graduate degree in literature (useless) and was off from 1988 through 1993 when I graduated with another useless degree -- JD. Started for 6 months and stopped again.
Started again in the late '90s -- quit for a few weeks here and there but increased intake each time I re-started. I was at about a pack and a half a day 71 days ago.
Buddy time!!!!!!!
Who's Your Little Buddy?
1BQ, 3rdGenFeminist, Abra Crabcakeya, Actbriniel, addisnana, AfroPonix, aishmael, Alise, Alpha99, A Man Called Gloom, ambeeeant, American in Kathmandu, amk for obama, andsarahtoo, angry marmot, Anne933, anodnhajo, aoeu, aquarius2001, arcadesproject, Archie2227, arodb, Arthur Wolf (in memoriam), assyrian64, awkawk, b4uknowit, bamablue, BARAKABETH, barnowl, b barrie, bdizz, beatpanda, Beefydaddy18, BFSkinner, bgblcklab1, BigAlinWashSt, Bike Crash, BirderWitch, BJKay, bleeding heart, blingbling65, bluedust, blue husky, Blue Intrigue, bluedust, BluejayRN, BlueJessamine, Bluerall, bluestatedem84, BoiseBlue, boudi08, Brahman Colorado, breedlovinit, BrenP, Bronxist, BrowniesAreGood, bsmechanic, buddabelly, bumbi, burrow owl, BusyinCa, Carol in San Antonio, CathiefromCanada, CathodeRay, CDH in Brooklyn, cee4, Cen Den, ChiTownDenny, ChocolateChris, ChurchofBruce, ciganka, cinnamondog, citizenx, ClapClapSnap, Cleante, Code Monkey, codobus, Coldblue Steele, Colorado is the Shiznit, coloradomomma, common green, commonmass, Common Sense Mainer, congenitalefty, coppercelt, dadanation, dangoch, DarienComp, Dauber, Dauphin, Dave in AZ, Dave in Northridge, deedogg, demkat620, Dexter, Diana in NoVa, Dickie, DiegoUK, Dingodude, dirtdude, distraught, djMikulec, dolfin66, donnamarie, Donna O, dotsright, DRo, droogie6655321, Dube, duckhunter, Eclectablog, Eddie C, EdgedInBlue, effervescent, elbamash, El barragas, el vasco, ericlewis0, Everest42, Ex Con, ezdidit, fhamme, Fineena, fiona2, fishhawk, Flea, flumptytail, fritzi56, FrugalGranny, Garrett, Gator, gchaucer2, GDbot, Geiiga, GenXangster, Georgianna Darcy, glpaul, GN1927, gooderservice, gooners, gravlax, greylox, grndrush, GrumpyWarriorPoet, gzodik, Haole in Hawaii, HappyinNM, henlesloop, HeyMikey, hideinplainsight, High Tide, hiliner68, hold tight, hulibow, I love OCD, Im a frayed knot, imisa, Indexer, indubitably, indyada, Interceptor7, inventor, I said GOOD DAY sir, itsbenj, Jahiz, JamesEB, janl1776, Janeo, JayinPortland, jayjaybear, jbou, Jeffersonian Democrat, jmadlc55, jmonch, Joe's Steven aka Steven, john07801, johngoes, jsfox, JVolvo's Mom, jwinIL14, kai99, kailuacaton, Kamakhya, kat herder, Kelly of PA, kestrel9000, khloemi, Khun David, Kitsap River, kittania, Kodiak54, Kristina40, Ksholl, labwitchy, Lady Kestrel, ladypockt, Lahdee, langerdang, LarsThorwald, LA rupert, last starfighter, LaughingPlanet, Laurie Gator, Lipstick Liberal, litoralis, lmdonovan, lockewasright, Lonely Texan, longislandny, luvsathoroughbred, maggiemay, magicsister, mango, Marc in KS, Marjmar,, marknspokane, marsanges, maryabein, Matt Esler, mdemploi, Meteor Blades, Micburke, michael1104, MillieNeon, Minerva1157, MinervainNH, Missys Brother, mjbleo, MnRaindog, mntleo2, Morague, Mr Bojangles, mrsgoo, mskitty, msmacgyver, MsWings, Murphoney, nannyboz, ncsuLAN, NearlyNormal, Nedsdag, Nick Zouroudis, notgivingup, NY brit expat, OleHippieChick, one pissed off democrat, Onomastic, operculum, OrangeMike, Ordvefa, Overseas, OverTheEdge, pager, paige, PaintyKat, paradox, parryander, paulitics, Pennsylvanian, phrogge prince, Positronicus, post rational, Proud Mom and Grandma, psycho liberal, ptolemynm, Purple Priestess, PvtJarHead, racheltracks, randallt, ray bob, real world chick, red mittens, Reepicheep, regis, relentless, revelwoodie, revsue, Rex Manning, rexymeteorite, RiaD, rickeagle, ridemybike, rightiswrong, Rileycat,rincewind, rkex, roadlion, Roger Fox, Rosebuddear, roses, rscopes, Rudini, Safina, SallyCat, Sanuk, Sark Svemes, sboucher, scooter in brooklyn, Scrapyard Ape, seenaymah, sfbob, sgary, Shahryar, sheddhead, shesaid, Shifty18, shmuelman, shopkeeper, sidious666, slowbutsure, smartcookienyc, smeesq, Smoh, snoopydawg, snorwich, SnyperKitty, SoCalHobbit, sofia, soonergrunt, sostos, sowsearsoup, SpecialKinFlag, spmozart, spotDawa, SpotTheCat, StateofGrace, Statusquomustgo, stiffneck, sunbro, Super Grover, Syoho, tallmom, Tay, tdslf1, teknospaz, theatre goon, The Eyewitness Muse, TheGeneral, TheStoopingRabbit, TigerMom, tiredofcrap, TomP, tonyahky, Toyotabob7, Treefrog, triciawyse, trs, trueblueliberal, ttanner, Tulsonian, Turn VABlue, Turtle Bay, Tyto Alba, uc booker, UncleCharlie, Unduna, Unforgiven, ursoklevar, USArmyParatrooper, VA02 femocrat, Vacationland, valadon, Vayle, Vetwife, vgranucci, Village expects idiot home soon, waytac, webranding, weelzup, Wes Opinion, Whimsical Rapscallion, willy be frantic, willy mugobeer, Wood Dragon, wolfie1818, Wordsinthewind, Wreck Smurfy, x, xopher, yet another liberal, Zotz
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Ok, back to meeeeeee!!!!!
Why did I quit and why isn't it the best approach? Periodically, for the last year, I would get light-headed and just have an overall bad feeling (stiff neck, shoulder pain, pounding heartbeat, thrumming pulse in my ears, etc.) I have no health insurance. Each time, I'd lay off the cigs for a few hours but then talk myself back into them. This year -- on February 8 -- the day before my baby sister's 56th birthday -- I felt like crap. I also hadn't cleaned the apartment very well.
I figured I was going to become my worst nightmare: stroke, strangers commenting on my messy space, cats taken to a kill shelter, and, worst of all I'd be screaming: "Nurse, wipe my ass!" The last is from a Queens ER Nurse's favorite story which will not be repeated at length.
In other words -- I was scared shiteless -- and then cigless. I stopped smoking on 2/8 but not until I had finished the last cig in the pack. (Eeejit!) I assumed I'd fail like before but I'd at least give myself a bit of incentive. $8.50 immediately went into a big glass jar. I reloaded the most recent Quit Keepers' widget and watched the few cigs not smoked and minutes mount. I pulled up the current GUS diary but didn't participate because I foolishly thought it was premature.
One whole week to get to the point where I didn't feel like shite -- even though I still had breathing and morning hacking issues. One whole week of widget positive statistics. Then two weeks -- and I knew I could still be drawn back into the addiction. Then three weeks and my smoking buddy from MD came up -- and I didn't succumb. That was when I knew I might just beat this thing. My buddy was just here again -- we went to his primitive cottage on a lake and everyone there smokes (including the Queens ER Nurse). I didn't nor did I have an urge. I was preening too much because they loved my haircut.
I forgot to tell you that I now look like Jaime Lee Curtis and that is the real trick.
I don't have my glass jar of $$ anymore because I've needed the cash for basic stuff. I may start it again because it is fun and rewarding to spend saved money on good things like opera. I do depend on my Quit Keepers' widget -- it is an incredible reinforcement. And finally, I depend on folks like me -- in the GUS diaries.
We are the ones who keep tripping up and yet tie our shoes, bandage our skinned knees and try again. We are the ones who look at the long-term quitters and still have a sense of shame/embarrassment because we aren't long-term quitters. We forget sometimes that the long-termers were us years ago. We forget that we are amazing people for even reading these GUS diaries -- and we have an addiction -- and we have friends who have or had an addiction who want to help us and themselves.
I'm going to be 62 this July. Actually, July 8 which will be my 5 month anniversary. I want it to be an anniversary -- and be able to have a messy apartment on that particular day.
I look forward to bsm's group quit date -- I'll be there along with lots of you to cheer our dear friends forward -- even if it is one less cig a day. Every thought about quitting is positive -- don't forget that. Every GUS diary is an embrace and acknowledgement of just how effing hard it is to curb then cut an insidious addiction.
Soooooo -- all you folks who hesitate to comment in GUS diaries because you haven't kicked the habit -- jump in -- you are exactly the folks we need here. If this series were about success stories only -- we'd be frigging boorish.
And finally -- as a straight old broad I have to say I am in love with k.d. lang and especially her "Drag" album so I leave you with