Its not like I'm some menopausal stoner. I don't wake and bake. The small amounts of (legal) stuff I keep on hand for when my slipped disc goes amok lasts me forever.
But you have to admit it. There is nothing like opening a jar or bag of sweet, sticky, dripping with gooey resin buds and letting the flavor of its odor wash over you like a tide of deliciousness, knowing that soon everything will be chillaxed.
Like all my best vices moderation is key. Ok you got me. All my best vices except orgasms - no such thing as moderation of those, or they wouldn't be what they are. I digress, sort of. I can't really think of two things that would improve the World more than for everyone to get off more, and smoke down a little of the sticky once in a while.
In fact, if there is a God, I am pretty certain Cannabis is her apology for creating mosquitos.
"Well shoot, that creation didn't work out so well for my little mini-me's down there. Here you go, critters, here's a nice little plant that will more than make up for my screw up..."
High people don't fight. You'll never see a stoner bar brawl. You'll never see a riot by the High. You'll never see a toker throw down some old lady trying to get that last Hi-def TV on Black Friday. No, no, imbibers of the kind are more like, "Hey, sweety, you go ahead, I'll get it on the next round. Want an Oreo while we wait in line?"
Hemp is the Goddess' way of telling us to chill, be patient, be kind, share and take time to smell the roses. Pot is Love.
4 Pot is patient, Pot is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5 It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6 Pot does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7 It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
No wonder when all the bad, greedy men co-opted humankind's relation with divinity the 1st thing they did was damn them for ingesting the Goddess' gifts. I mean you really think the Tree of Knowledge was an Apple? Hell, no. It was a giant Sativa plant. I'm certain of it.
Separating us from it forever damned us to male domination, impatience, boastfulness, pride, dishonor, self-service, evil lies and wars. How else could they keep us at perpetual odds with one another and our true natures but to keep us from the healing elixir of life that would bring us to our better selves?
Or not. I don't know. I'm making this up as I go along. But it sure sounds plausible, doesn't it? And I'm like totally not even stoned. Yet.
Can you imagine if the Middle East Peace process included a mandatory Hookah session before they got down to it? Solved, dude. The only swapping going on would be clones, and the desert really would bloom. For everyone. Hummus and pita chips for one and all!
Or a hearing on torture included a bong hit before viewing a session? Gitmo would turn into a paradise. "Fuck all that mean shit. Those tables would make great raki massage tables. We're in Cuba, dudes, lets set up a fruit bar, then hit the beach."
The environment? Phhhhh. How can you grow bodacious bud-ery if you fuck up the planet? Nations would be vying to create the "greenest" spaces possible.
It's a food, it's a fiber, it's an attitude adjuster created specifically to counter the worst in all mankind's nature.
This shit shouldn't just be legal, it should be MANDATORY. Heh.
So I say "ALL HAIL MARIJUANA - HAPPY 4/20 DAY."
Pot could solve all the world's problems, man... seriously.
Except the damned mosquitoes. There's always that. Oh well.
Peace and Puff out!