The Catholic Church is sounding more and more like the Republican Party these days. And both are getting awfully sick of uppity sluts—including the President Slut-in-Chief Obama—and their concerns about such anti-Jesus things like health care and equality.
Earlier this week, Catholic Bishop Daniel Jenky delivered a sermon in which he expressed his Godly concerns:
Hitler and Stalin, at their better moments, would just barely tolerate some churches remaining open, but would not tolerate any competition with the state in education, social services, and health care.
In clear violation of our First Amendment rights, Barack Obama – with his radical, pro abortion and extreme secularist agenda, now seems intent on following a similar path.
Because before Hitler started slaughtering millions, he offered them all free birth control, right?
The "abortion=Holocaust" framing has long been favored among forced birthers, but one would think that such blatantly false and inflammatory rhetoric would be beneath the dignity of so-called men of God.
One would be wrong.
But the president isn't the only target of the Church's ire and frustration with the dirty sluts of America who believe there's nothing immoral about women's health care and equality. This week, the Vatican attacked another segment of America that it believes is part of the radical Hitlerian agenda to make Jesus cry: nuns.
The Vatican has launched a crackdown on the umbrella group that represents most of America's 55,000 Catholic nuns, saying that the group was not speaking out strongly enough against gay marriage, abortion and women's ordination.
Rome also chided the Leadership Conference of Women Religious (LCWR) for sponsoring conferences that featured "a prevalence of certain radical feminist themes incompatible with the Catholic faith." [...]
Many bishops were angered when LCWR and Network, along with the Catholic Health Association, endorsed President Obama's health care reform over the bishops' objections. LCWR and Network recently endorsed Obama's compromise with the bishop over a mandate to provide insurance coverage for birth control for employees at religious institutions, even as the bishops continue to fight it.
Oh, those naughty nuns, radical feminazis all, daring to oppose the bishops by supporting health care for women. Something must be done! That's why the Church issued a five-year plan for mandatory reforms, presumably meaning precise instructions on how to sufficiently ramp up the bigotry and hate to the pope's liking.
Sister Simone Campbell, head of the organization, responded:
I've no idea what they're talking about [...] Our role is to live the gospel with those who live on the margins of society. That's all we do.
Caring more about "those who live on the margins of society" than whether Adam and Steve are registered at Macy's? Shocking! Radical!
But Sister Campbell says the nuns won't go down without a fight:
It's totally a top-down process and I don't think the bishops have any idea of what they're in for.
So why should the rest of us, especially the non-Catholics among us, care about this interesting new intra-Church war? Because if the Vatican is willing to go all out against its own for supporting women's basic health care rights and other "radical feminist themes," that tells you how little they think of us non-habit-wearing dirty sluts who happen to agree with the nuns. The Vatican didn't just put the nuns on notice; they put
all of us on notice. It doesn't matter that Jesus himself palled around with loose women, or had deep and loving relationships with a bunch of dudes. The Church has drawn a line in the sand, a line it has threatened to defend with
lawsuits,
hunger strikes, and even
calls for violence.
The Church has openly, unapologetically joined the Republican Party in its war on women, even adopting some of its most extremist language. Respecting the role of women? Supporting their right to have an equal voice? Fighting for their access to all basic health care, including contraception and abortion? Screw you, you immoral radical feminazis. Dare to stand against the bishops, and you're just like Hitler. Amen.
Want to make the bishops and Republicans mad? Take a stand for women's equality:
This week’s good, bad and ugly below the fold.
- When is a terrorist not a terrorist? When he terrorizes women.
- The military still has a sexual assault problem:
CNN has interviewed women in all branches of the armed forces, including the Coast Guard, who tell stories that follow a similar pattern -- a sexual assault, a command dismissive of the allegations and a psychiatric discharge.
Schroeder says a fellow Marine followed her to the bathroom in April 2002. She says he then punched her, ripped off her pants and raped her. When she reported what happened, a non-commissioned officer dismissed the allegation, saying, "'Don't come bitching to me because you had sex and changed your mind,'" Schroeder recalls. [...]
Despite the Defense Department's "zero tolerance" policy, there were 3,191 military sexual assaults reported in 2011. Given that most sexual assaults are not reported, the Pentagon estimates the actual number was probably closer to 19,000. [...]
But Anu Bhagwati, a former company commander in the Marines and executive director of Service Women's Action Network, a veterans advocacy group, says she sees a pattern of the military using psychiatric diagnoses to get rid of women who report sexual assaults.
"It's convenient to sweep this under the rug. It's also extremely convenient to slap a false diagnosis on a young woman ... and then just get rid of them so you don't have to deal with that problem in your unit. And, unfortunately, a lot of sexual assault survivors are considered problems," Bhagwati says.
From 2001 to 2010, the military discharged more than 31,000 service members because of personality disorder, according to documents obtained under a Freedom of Information Act request by the Vietnam Veterans of America.
- Did Rick Santorum really think about the consequences of aborting his campaign for president?
- Did you know that having sex with a non-virgin is just like drinking backwash?
Brad Seng, an anti-abortion activist who teaches abstinence-only education in Colorado public schools, has an interesting way of engaging his students: backwash. He asks them to chew a mouthful of food, spit it into a cup of water, and offer it to other students. When students predictably refuse to sip each others’ backwash, he explains that having sex with someone who’s had premarital sex.
- Vice President Joe Biden went on the attack against Republicans in Congress who refuse to support reauthorizing the Violence Against Women Act.
- In Nebraska, the fetus is sacred—unless it's inside an immigrant's womb:
Nebraska Governor Dave Heineman vetoed a proposal to restore Medicaid-funded prenatal care for illegal immigrants on Friday, but the initiative could still survive if the state legislature rejects his move next week.
Nebraska state senators voted 31-15 on Wednesday to restore the program, which was eliminated two years ago after providing prenatal care for decades. [...]
"I oppose providing taxpayer benefits to illegal immigrants," Heineman said in his veto letter.
So pro-lifey! We must protect all fetuses by any means necessary. Unless that means ensuring basic health care for those fetuses, because that's just a handout on the taxpayers' dime, and we can't have that, can we?
- Speaking of not giving a shit about children:
Drug testing for child support is the brainchild of Iowa Republican Senator Mark Chelgren, who thinks it’s the next logical step after testing anyone getting public assistance. [...]
Parents, according to Chelgren, should have complete control over how they raise their children, and with absolutely no interference from the government.
Unless, of course, you are a divorced spouse (and most likely, mother) trying to support your children and want financial support from your ex. Then you need to prove yourself to the government — and your ex — first.
- This story about fervent anti-choicer Michele Bachmann is not from The Onion:
BACHMANN: What we want is women to be able to make their own choices [...] We want women to make their own choices in healthcare. You see that’s the lie that happens under Obamacare. The President of the United States effectively becomes a health care dictator. Women don’t need anyone to tell them what to do on health care. We want women to have their own choices, their own money, that way they can make their own choices for the future of their own bodies.
- No surprise: Mississippi Gov. Phil Bryant signed a bill that will close state's only abortion clinic.
- Forced birthers in Ohio think they're smarter than forced birthers in Texas. They believe they've found a sneaky way to defund Planned Parenthood without jeopardizing their federal Medicaid dollars:
Under the proposal, local health departments get the top funding priority, followed by federally qualified community health centers, private care centers and, last, Planned Parenthood.
“We refer to it as defunding Planned Parenthood because a lot of the money, in fact, will go to the top three, but it doesn’t preclude Planned Parenthood, at the end of the day, from receiving money,” said Mike Gonidakis, president of Ohio Right to Life.
- This will no doubt shock Wisconsin State Sen. Glenn Grothman, who said there's no such thing as a pay gap; it's just that "money is more important for men," who "may be a little more money-conscious," but it turns out women do care about money:
A greater percentage of women than men now say that a successful high-paying career is important to their lives, according to a poll released on Thursday by the Pew Research Center.
- And here's another shocker for Wisconsin State Sen. Glenn Grothman: Women still earn less than men in almost every occupation.
- Want to know more about the wage gap and whether you're really getting equal pay for equal work? There's an app for that.
- Comedy:
A relatively new Republican super PAC, which previously garnered attention through a punchy Web video highlighting offensive comments by comedian Bill Maher, has kicked off a fundraising push for five conservative women running for the U.S. Senate.
Helmed by Tea Party leaders Suzie Terrell and Teri Christoph, along with Tim Crawford, the treasurer for Sarah Palin's political action committee, ShePAC on Wednesday blasted out a new Web video seeking donations for the candidates: Heather Wilson (New Mexico), Deb Fischer (Nebraska), Linda McMahon (pictured; Connecticut), Linda Lingle (Hawaii) and Sarah Steelman (Missouri). [...]
As an up-and-coming group that is competing for resources in a sea of established Republican super PACs, ShePAC has raised “tens of thousands” of dollars through its last video, an adviser said. The average contribution was $60 from a donor pool that was 65 percent women.
Republican women are trying to get their anti-woman party to support them? Yeah, good luck with that one, ladies.
- Hey, boys and girls, ready for another round of Blame the Feminists? This week's edition, courtesy of Forbes: Feminists Are Waging War On Family Finances.
Now go forth, sluts, and raise hell.