Several years ago, my son was invited to become a member of a local Boy Scout troop that was led by a friend of mine. Her son and mine were close in age and temperament, and she and I wanted more opportunities for them to spend time together. We both homeschooled, we lived a half-hour's drive apart, and we had packed schedules; so it wasn't as if the kids could play together at recess or get together for frequent play dates. Joining this group would have been ideal. Except for one little problem.
"Don't worry," my friend said when I voiced my concerns. "I'm the den leader. I'm not going to tell anyone."
I just couldn't do it. Signing my son up for Boy Scouts would have felt like a lie, because for us, it would be a lie. The Boy Scouts don't care which religion you espouse, but they do insist that you have one. The word "God" is in their oath, the word "reverent" in their law.
What would I have been teaching my son if I'd agreed to sign him up?
1. Lie in order to get what you want.
2. When an organization says, "Here are our rules," ignore the ones you don't like. (Especially when the organization in question is all about building moral fiber.)
3. There's something wrong with being an atheist.
4. Closet yourself in order to be accepted by the mainstream.
Oddly enough, I didn't feel like teaching my son any of those lessons.
We didn't join. My son had no particular interest in the Scouts, which was a relief. I, however, resented his being deemed unworthy by people who had no idea what our values and morals were -- they just didn't like the fact that we'd found them without benefit of deity.
What made me almost as angry (not to mention confused) was how many other parents didn't understand. All of our friends knew we were atheists. Some of them were atheists themselves. And still they asked if we'd be joining the Scouts.
"We can't," I'd say flatly.
"Oh," one friend replied, looking a bit embarrassed. "Yeah, I know what you mean. I don't like their anti-gay stuff, either."
"Well, yes, there's that," I said. "But we're atheists. We're not allowed to join."
Not true, said plenty of my atheist friends. "I tell my son to think about nature when he gets to the part in the oath about God," one said.
"Just ignore the God stuff," another advised. "My son loves Scouts. I don't want to deprive him of a great experience just because we're atheists."
Holy snap.
BSA literature says in so many words that you have to be religious in order to join.
What if I had a daughter, and we didn't have a Girl Scout troop in our area? Would my friends advise me to put her in a Boy Scout uniform, keep her hair cut short, and warn her not to tell anyone she's a girl?
How is lying about one basic fact of my child's existence any different from lying about another?
My son is a boy, not a girl. Therefore, he can't join Girl Scouts.
My son is an atheist, not a theist. Therefore, he can't join Boy Scouts.
Their club. Their rules. They're jerks, but that's not illegal in America.
All week, my lefty-loopy news services have been full of stories about Jennifer Tyrrell, who was fired as den mother because she's a lesbian. She started a petition asking BSA to change their policy on gays, and has gotten over a hundred thousand signatures so far.
I wish her well. I hope it works.
But I'd like to ask her a few questions:
If the Boy Scouts decide that gay = hooray, is she okay with the fact that they still exclude atheists?
Does she think that being labeled immoral is wrong if you're gay but acceptable if you're an atheist?
If she thinks it's okay that the Boy Scouts specifically exclude my group, why should I support her?
If she doesn't agree with the BSA stance on atheism, why hasn't she said so?
I understand that Tyrrell took up this fight because this is what fell into her lap. This isn't about atheism, or how the BSA decides whom to exclude. This is about her own situation. She was a popular den mother who loved the work, and she wants to be welcomed back to the group she gave so much to.
But I really need to know: if I were the one protesting BSA policy, would she sign my petition?