There's a lot going on here in America and around the globe, much of it inter-related, all of it depressing, and really: who has time to read beyond the headlines and captions on a bunch of incomprehensible graphs? The news is daunting, and now that the talking heads in the lamestream media have put their own witless spin on it, and it's getting hard to differentiate between the lies, damn lies, and statistics.
Fear not - we've captured all the economic news that you need in handy limerick form to keep you up to date without wasting your time on needless details.
As always, feel free to add your own poetic contributions to this macroeconomic compendium, or if you have some suggestions on topics that didn't make the cut, let me know and I will craft a limerick or two to address the deficiency.
Just because the world's spinning into unprecedented economic disaster doesn't mean we can't have a little fun in the mean time.
As the wealthy pursue more prosperity
For the rest they prescribe stark austerity.
Say “farewell”, middle class;
You’ll be out on your ass.
We’ll evict you with heartless barbarity.
While investors have done very well
Many languish in financial hell.
With their debts looming large,
And no cards left to charge,
And foreclosures and layoffs as well.
Ayn Rand is revered by the Right
As they prep for a cost-cutting fight
Her objectivist creed
Ignores people in need
They should die, or remain out of sight.
Bain made money the “new-fashioned” way.
On the workers they’d heartlessly prey.
Selling companies off,
With a smirk and a scoff:
Just remember on election day
“Corporations are people, my friend”!
Every rule and restriction they’ll bend.
Funding shameless attacks
Through immense SuperPACs:
When, oh, when will this travesty end?
With their Mexican trial balloon
Walmart wanted to move really soon
What’s a bribe between friends?
Just some means to some ends.
We’ve got superstores planned for the moon!
As the Eurozone stands on the brink
And their futures continue to sink
Politicians debate
But perhaps it’s too late
Start a tab! Let's all order a drink!
Europeans have had quite enough
Of austerity measures so rough.
“Sacre Bleu!” “Zut Alors”!
We can’t take any more!
Now the voters are calling their bluff.
Meanwhile Congress in gridlock is stalled.
And the voters are rightly appalled
That no measure can pass
As they sit on their ass
(In November, they’ll all be recalled).
Robosigners at banks ran amok
And homeowners were soon out of luck.
There’s a circle in Hell
Where these vampires will dwell
For remorselessly passing the buck
With Obama, the needle has moved
Private sector employment’s improved
And the gap could have closed
If his measures proposed
Congress-critters had never approved
As the graduates clutch their degrees
Will employers respond to their pleas?
Or will things be so bad
That they’ll head home to Dad?
In this life, there are no guarantees.
Half a million new jobs I’ll create
Every month. There’s no need to debate
And to people who say
That there’s simply no way
It’s me, Mitt!! Yes, I’m really that great!
Grover Norquist must have quite an edge
Or some Polaroids that he could dredge
From his archives to make
Every candidate quake
And sign off on his no-taxes pledge.
Now it's YOUR turn - let's hear from you guys!
You're so pretty and witty and wise
Well informed and astute
And poetic, to boot
So step up; claim the laureate prize!