I got a call today from "Restore America" promoting Mitt Romney for President. That's funny all by itself (Romney restoring America? Is that like restocking? Oh, if only we could power cars with irony), but it gets better...
The call starts off with a recording. I almost hung up, but figured -- hey they have to pay for this if it runs long enough, so let's see what they are selling.
First off -- they work hard to immunize the client (that's what he is, isn't he?) by warning that "Obama is scared" and will be running vicious negative attack ads. Someone is clearly scared, but I don't think it's Obama. Then they launch into a series of slap-dash sound bites from Mitt over an orchestral patriotic soundtrack. All the Luntz-tested words were there:
Obamacare (as in "I will get rid of Obamacare")
Job-creating (as in "I will turn America into a job-creating MACHINE!")
etc.
THEN they ask you to "press 1" if you want a FREE Mitt Romney Bumper Sticker!
Funny, but they didn't offer an option to "oprima dos para Espanol." Oh well, I guess they only have stickers in English.
No matter. I'm stoked! Hoo boy! Talk about something rarer than hen's teeth! And FREE! I'm all in!
I press 1 and a guy gets on the line to thank me. He assumes he is talking to the wife (why, I have no idea) but I tell him he is talking to the "man of the house." He snaps to -- loving the fact he has found a kindred spirit, and launches in to his pitch.
Salesman: Can we count on your support this November?
Me: Sure! Send me the free sticker!
Salesman: Can you help us pay for ads to counter the Obama campaign with a donation of 100 to 200 dollars?
Me: No. But I'll take the free sticker.
Salesman: I understand, it is a lot to ask. I couldn't afford to donate at that level myself.
Me : (Thinking to myself: Nice to see we got a true believer on the line, I hope he is getting paid for this)
Salesman: We do need your support to help promote Mitt Romney's message. Would you be willing to donate 25 to 50 dollars?
Me: No. But I'll take the free sticker.
Salesman: -- crickets
Me: You still there?
Salesman: Yes.
Me: What about the free sticker?
Salesman: Well, you have to give a contribution to get the sticker.
Me: But it is free, right?
Salesman: Yes.
Me: So give me the free sticker. I want the sticker.
Salesman: You have to give a contribution to get the sticker.
Me: You understand the concept of FREE?
Salesman: Yes.
Me: Then why do I have to give you something if it is free?
Salesman: I'm just going by the....
Me: Hey, you called me. You offered me a FREE sticker. Now you are telling me that I have to give you something for the sticker. What type of bait and switch is this?
Salesman: Look, it's not a bait and....
Me: You know what, keep your sticker. If that is how you are running the campaign, what does that say about how you will run the country? Now I am not even going to vote for your guy. Charging me for "free" ... that's crazy talk. I gotta go.
click.
1:38 PM PT: For those who would like to get their own FREE Romney Sticker (I have no idea what they look like, since I have never seen one in the wild) you can call the nice people at Restoring America and ask for one. Their number is 202-609-7609. Be sure to ask "How much are the FREE stickers, today?" (h/t citizenx)