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Hello, human diary. It is I again, Mitt Romney, your better.

We are in Florida today. Never have I seen a state in which the trees were so obviously of the wrong height. As president, one of my first actions would be to order the removal of every tree in this state. Whether it be trees, hair, or workforces, nothing irritates me as much as things that are of the wrong dimension.

Today we instituted a new campaign policy in which reporter units are no longer permitted to ask questions or, for that matter, approach me closely. Eric F. is for some reason of the opinion that this will limit the number of gaffes within the campaign. It will also allow me more time to bond with the local commoners, which I believe I am getting more practiced at. I now think of it as algorithmically similar to water-skiing. If I am doing well, it is because of my skill. If I am not doing well, it is because the water is the wrong height. (I also have inquiries out as to which local food Florida might be most known for, so that I may praise it and assert my satisfaction with it.)

We have now received the endorsement of my old debate opponent, Herman Cain. We have been doing fairly well recently in gathering the endorsements of washed-up or discredited Republican units. I have instructed the campaign to also seek out endorsements from competent Republicans, but they have informed me that this will be problematic for various reasons.

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