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UPDATE:  To clarify for Cinnamon's sake, this is not an indictment of all heterosexual men.  I happen to BE a heterosexual man.  A heterosexual teacher coerced me into becoming straight when I was just eight years old.  I was permanently scarred by the experience of being told of the pleasures of heterosexuality.  She never touched me or anything like that, but it was clear that SHE was a heterosexual and I admired her, so I decided then and there, this would be the lifestyle I chose.  No, this is an indictment of STUPID heterosexual men who are either self-loathing closeted gays or believe that every gay man in the world wants to fuck him.  I thought this was self-apparent throughout this satirical diary, but Cinnamon begs to differ and has slapped this diary with an HR to show her disapproval.  Now that we are clear on the actual INTENT of the diarist, who uses satire to make his point (and not everyone "gets" satire, so apparently it has to be explained before it can be read), we begin.

230px-Digital_rectal_exam_nci-vol-7136-300

My friends at Little Green Footballs step forward today with a compelling, scholarly article about why Conservatives fear gay marriage.  If I may borrow a paragraph?

Could this be the correct explanation of the fear? Could it be that conservatives (subconsciously?) believe that if same-sex marriage were to become more accepted and hence more common, heterosexuals would actually begin converting their sexual orientation? Could conservatives really (subconsciously?) believe that gay sex is so much better than straight sex, or that switching one’s sexual preference is, at least for most people, as easy as switching brands? It sounds silly, but you do often hear conservatives fantasizing about gay folks - especially teachers - “recruiting” children who would otherwise be straight, as if changing or determining someone’s sexual orientation - even a child’s - were as easy as giving them the right sales pitch!
As usual, the good folks at LGF are on to something.  But I say the reasons why Conservatives -- especially MALE conservatives -- have such dread of gay marriage are much more simple and selfish.

It's the "Butt Stuff."

(Allow me to explain after the leap.)

Male conservatives are convinced that gay men want to put their ying yangs in THEIR BUTTS!  This is a horrifying prospect to your average, stupid male.  This is why a blanket recognition that being gay is a normal variant of human sexuality, to these small, frightened, uneducated men, means society is saying it's OK for these gay men to put their willy-wallys in YOUR pooter hole!

Follow the logic.

Most stupid men, married or otherwise, enjoy pornography.  They enjoy watching men with their throbbing, erect whatchamacallits do degrading thing to women with them.  Slapping them on the face with it.  Spanking them with it. There is no orifice on a woman's body that is safe from the probing, pulsating prongs on the popular pornos.  And that includes the pooter hole.  There's a whole SUBSET of pornography DEVOTED to anal sex.  They give an AWARD at the ADULT VIDEO AWARDS each year to the actress involved in the most erotic Anal Sex scene.

So, it's not anal sex (as a practice) to which these small, frightened men object.

Heck, if you're a man and you're honest with yourself, you LIKE being on the "doling it out" end of anal sex.  How many heterosexual men reading this diary right now have never asked their wife or girlfriend to just take a deep breath, relax, "I'll just put in the tip and we'll see how it goes," and then you ram it home like Captain Kidd jamming his sword back into his scabbard while she hollers "takeitouttakeitouttakeitout" and you tell her to just relax and it won't hurt so bad and she starts kicking and screaming "takeitOUTtakeitOUTtakeitOUT youfuckingbastardpieceofshit" and you finally do (because the walls are thin and your neighbors just LOVE calling the cops) and you tell her she should have at least given herself a chance to relax and enjoy it and she (if she's your wife) doesn't let you anywhere near her with "that thing" for weeks and if she's your girlfriend she stops returning your calls?

So. We've established we have no problem with the theory of anal sex.  Or the theory of oral sex, for that matter.  If you're clean and perform proper hygienic maintenance "down there", most women will be more than happy from time to time to engage in this particular activity.  And fellows, you know that this is a two way street, right?  T'is well and good to give and receive.

So, no problem with oral sex.

Same sex?  Shoot, that's fine too!  As long as it's woman on woman.

This is as old as time itself.  Why do you think the Bible not only authorizes but condones multiple wives for the biblical patriarchs?  Because after a hard day of patriarching, there's nothing a patriarch likes better than to come home to watch some hot "wife on wife" action (they didn't have Blu-Ray or DVDs then) before jumping into the wife pile.

Now, with our modern technology, we love watching the ladies do other ladies.  If you are married or in a relationship and your wife or girlfriend comes home with an attractive friend, and says "Happy Birthday, honey" as she and her friend peel off their clothes revealing their Victoria's Secret scanties as they hop onto the bed and start kissing and fooling around for awhile before beckoning you to join them, would you throw your hands up in Conservative horror and quote Leviticus?  NO!  You'd be on that bed, living the dream!  Oh HAPPY day!  What a HAPPY day!

So.  Let's review.  It's not anal sex as a practice that we find loathsome.  Nor is it oral sex.  Same sex is not a problem either, as long as those same sexes happen to be two or more women.  

(Ever wonder why the Bible never condoned a woman having more than one husband?  I think it was comedian Wanda Sykes who asked if anyone had ever come home from work to find his wife watching a man-on-man porno saying, "Yeah, baby.  Ooooh.  He likes that, doesn't he?  Oh, yeah, baby.  Give it to him!")

Therefore, if the Conservative male has no problem with anal sex, oral sex or same sex sex, why the problem with Gay Marriage?

It can't be the reason they constantly give,"because it threatens the sanctity of marriage."

I've been married three times.  My wife #3 and I have been together since 1988.  The first two failed because I was married to women who couldn't keep their pants on when I was not around.  "Teh Gay" had nothing to do with it.

So, the real reason people are against Gay Marriage comes down to one of two things.

1.  You are a closeted homosexual, self-loathing, raised in a household that forbade and punished "those kinds of thoughts".  You have repressed these feelings, have gotten married and have children but can only find real sexual satisfaction with the kind of anonymous sex initiated with a game of "tappy toe" in a Minneapolis Airport Bathroom.  Or,

2. You are ignorant heterosexual who -- because YOU would gladly fuck a warm piece of liver if no one was looking -- believes that all gay men will find YOU attractive and want to force their sexual attentions on YOU!  Men over 40 don't even like going to the doctor because they know the doc will stick a well-lubricated, gloved finger "up there."  The idea of being run to ground by hoards of pantless gay men with their throbbing manhoods acting like divining wands in the search for "virgin ass" terrifies you.  And you KNOW that's the next step.  You KNOW that's what gays REALLY want... not monogamous relationships with people they love.  Hell, YOU have a monogamous relationship with someone YOU love and yet every time you go out of town on a business trip you're balls deep in some hooker you met on Craigslist by 11:13 pm!  That's why you're against gays in the military.  All gays want to have sex with YOU!  You just KNOW it.  So if you were in the Army and had to take a shower with GAY people looking at you, it would be a constant battle to maintain your anal virginity.  If you were in a FOXHOLE (God forbid) with a GAY, then nobody would be securing the perimeter because you would be too busy securing your ANUS against this GAY guy who you just KNOW wants to fuck you.  Oh sure, he's sitting over there nice and quiet and writing a letter to his sister.  But YOU know what he's thinking.  HE'S thinking about waiting until you're asleep, sliding down your fatigues and DOING THINGS to you!

THAT is the problem with gay marriage.  It's not the fact that it's same sex have sex with the same sex (as long as it's only women).  It's not that anal sex is disgusting, because who hasn't tried to get away with it at least once in a heterosexual relationship (sorry, honey... I missed!) or that we find oral sex to be immoral and de facto sodomy (which we don't even when we say we do).

The bottom line (giggle) is that stupid straight people are scared that rampaging hoards of GAYS are going to ATTACK THEM and FORCE THEIR wing wangs up their pooter holes and OBAMA SAYS IT'S OK NOW!

THAT'S the problem!

ORIGINALLY POSTED AT THE EX-EXAMINER EXAMINES THE NEWS, WHERE YOU WILL FIND A LOT MORE STUFF JUST LIKE THIS.

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Comment Preferences

  •  Tip Jar (13+ / 5-)

    12 years with Parkinson's disease made me retire, but it didn't stop me. Visit my home page at The Ex-Examiner Examines the News.

    by Bill Schmalfeldt on Fri May 18, 2012 at 05:56:47 AM PDT

  •  As the great philosopher Eddie Murphy said... (2+ / 0-)
    Recommended by:
    Dave in Northridge, Deep Texan

    "Nothing in all the world is more dangerous than sincere ignorance and conscientious stupidity." --M. L. King "You can't fix stupid" --Ron White -6.00, -5.18

    by zenbassoon on Fri May 18, 2012 at 06:07:03 AM PDT

  •  The "ick" factor (7+ / 0-)

    It's also amusing to consider how many of your ignorant heterosexuals don't understand that gay men may be just as uninterested in them as hetero women are.  If we're picky among ourselves, we're not going to be picky in general?

    Fear and narcissism.  Great motivators.

    -7.75, -8.10; All it takes is security in your own civil rights to make you complacent.

    by Dave in Northridge on Fri May 18, 2012 at 06:17:54 AM PDT

  •  Their Actual Case: "NO!" nt (2+ / 0-)
    Recommended by:
    Cinnamon, sfbob

    We are called to speak for the weak, for the voiceless, for victims of our nation and for those it calls enemy.... --ML King "Beyond Vietnam"

    by Gooserock on Fri May 18, 2012 at 06:30:39 AM PDT

  •  I'm surprised at how long this diary is (2+ / 0-)
    Recommended by:
    JVolvo, Neuroptimalian

    given it seems to have been written by a 14 year old, using one hand.

    Sigh. Where to begin...

    First of all, the misandrist stereotypes of straight men... that they are stupid. That they are bumbling cretins in the bedroom. That the only anal sex they desire is to be on the giving end of an anal rape.

    I would tell you that instead of putting up such a gratuitously graphic, rude, and factually inaccurate piece of rubbish on Daily Kos, to take this diary to ErosBlog, but Bacchus is far more of a gentleman, a scholar, and a grown up, and he'd kick your ass sideways far, far better than I could for such juvenile tripe.

    As it is, as a sex-positive grown up, you've earned my HR, for the above reasons.

    “Five exclamation marks, the sure sign of an insane mind.” ― Terry Pratchett, Reaper Man Political Compass: -8.50, -6.46

    by Cinnamon on Fri May 18, 2012 at 06:37:39 AM PDT

    •  Why do you hate gay marriage? (n/t) (1+ / 0-)
      Recommended by:
      maf1029

      12 years with Parkinson's disease made me retire, but it didn't stop me. Visit my home page at The Ex-Examiner Examines the News.

      by Bill Schmalfeldt on Fri May 18, 2012 at 06:44:08 AM PDT

      [ Parent ]

      •  I am very much FOR GLBTQ equal rights (2+ / 0-)
        Recommended by:
        JVolvo, Wee Mama

        including gay marriage. And anyone who doubts my support can check my comment history.

        “Five exclamation marks, the sure sign of an insane mind.” ― Terry Pratchett, Reaper Man Political Compass: -8.50, -6.46

        by Cinnamon on Fri May 18, 2012 at 06:46:54 AM PDT

        [ Parent ]

        •  Good for you (3+ / 0-)

          It was hard to tell through the vitriol in your comment.

          12 years with Parkinson's disease made me retire, but it didn't stop me. Visit my home page at The Ex-Examiner Examines the News.

          by Bill Schmalfeldt on Fri May 18, 2012 at 06:53:05 AM PDT

          [ Parent ]

          •  Bill. Settle down. I can't tell how much of this (3+ / 0-)
            Recommended by:
            Wee Mama, splashy, Smoh

            porn diary is your text and opinion and how much is LGF obscenity/fantasy.

            Either way, your graphic description of - and blanket assertion that 'we all have/want to hurt our partners' via - coercive/non-consensual painful penetration is ripe for pushback.

            Now I see your comment below "Poor Cinnamon / Shame on you, Cinnamon".

            You, the writer, are responsible for how easily your piece is read, understood or misunderstood, right?  I'm sure J school doesn't teach 'Fuck 'em if they don't get it', right?

            Insulting long-time kossacks who critique your/LGF (I can't tell) assertions about painful sex is not a winning strategy here.

            Good luck.

            To announce that there must be no criticism of the president, or that we are to stand by the president right or wrong, is not only unpatriotic and servile, but is morally treasonable to the American public. - Theodore Roosevelt 1918

            by JVolvo on Fri May 18, 2012 at 04:50:07 PM PDT

            [ Parent ]

            •  J school DOES teach... (0+ / 0-)

              ...that if one attempts satire, one has to accept the fact that there are people whose rigid minds won't have the required flexibility to comprehend it.

              I suppose it's like caviar.  To some who have the palate for it, it's a delicacy.  To others, it's just gooey fish egg jelly.

              12 years with Parkinson's disease made me retire, but it didn't stop me. Visit my home page at The Ex-Examiner Examines the News.

              by Bill Schmalfeldt on Sat May 19, 2012 at 03:21:38 AM PDT

              [ Parent ]

              •  NOTE TO SELF: (0+ / 0-)

                Per JVolvo's comment...

                Stop having respect for people's intelligence.
                Write down to the stupid.

                Got it.

                12 years with Parkinson's disease made me retire, but it didn't stop me. Visit my home page at The Ex-Examiner Examines the News.

                by Bill Schmalfeldt on Sat May 19, 2012 at 03:23:11 AM PDT

                [ Parent ]

                •  Bill. This is not facebook. Stop being a (3+ / 0-)
                  Recommended by:
                  splashy, Smoh, koNko

                  condescending asshole.  There are tons of shades of gray here - so much more than just fans and flamers.  Your tone is not winning you readership.  

                  I say that because in the past you've kvetched in your intros 'maybe this will get some attention' as if we are too stupid to recognize your genius.  Hint: hundreds of diaries are posted each day.  Great ones/great topics can slide right off the list with little notice.  DK is that big.

                  I know you've done great work: exposing the racist and anti-govt fucks hating on Obama.  You dug into the spider web of who was behind the fake Occupy WI webpage that tried to punk petition gatherers.  The Operation Burn Notice assholes.  I've appreciated your tenacity when grappling with RW fuckheads.

                  And I submit, respectfully, that the accumulated battles with those virulent haters has impacted your outlook.

                  Not everyone who disagrees with you here = those RW fuckheads.  This is a very diverse community.  The LGBT, anti-misogyny and anti-violence folks have taught us white guys a ton about respecting different pov/life experiences and how we white guys can be oblivious to what is harmful/disrespectful of (any) minority's experiences.

                  Please take this to heart.  There are tons of great people here.  Don't fight with them.  Keep your skills aimed at the RW sociopaths who want to destroy our country.

                  To announce that there must be no criticism of the president, or that we are to stand by the president right or wrong, is not only unpatriotic and servile, but is morally treasonable to the American public. - Theodore Roosevelt 1918

                  by JVolvo on Sat May 19, 2012 at 08:27:29 AM PDT

                  [ Parent ]

                  •  Jvolvo, this is not Junior High School, so... (0+ / 0-)

                    ...enough of the finger-wagging sanctimony.

                    I don't believe I equated the disagreers with RW fuckheads. And my shot here was aimed straight at the heart of those RW sociopaths you mention, but members of the Perpetually Offended Liberal League jumped in front of the arrow and took the shot instead.

                    You know nothing about the battles I've fought over the years, for decades before there WAS an Internet, against hate in all its forms.  And now, fighting what my own body is doing to me.  Don't presume to know anything about me that I have not shared with you.  You know nothing of my "outlook" or what shapes it.

                    All I have left to fight with are words.  And, gosh durn it, I will fight on my terms.  Those who don't like it are not my enemies.  I am clear as to who my enemies are.  Those who disagree with me have the right to do so.  I would rather not have to deal with stupid people who think that I am saying it's OK for men to ass rape their wives or anyone else, for that matter.  Only a stupid person could read what I wrote and come away with that.  I will blame it on a temporary flare up of "teh stoopid" which happens to us all.

                    But I can do without the huffing and puffing and gasping and choking and the righteous outrage and garment rending of the people who should be on my side because I am CERTAINLY on THEIRS!

                    As I shall always be.  Even when I write things that may be beyond their ken, I will write.

                    It's all I got left.

                    12 years with Parkinson's disease made me retire, but it didn't stop me. Visit my home page at The Ex-Examiner Examines the News.

                    by Bill Schmalfeldt on Sat May 19, 2012 at 02:35:23 PM PDT

                    [ Parent ]

              •  And then there are those (0+ / 0-)

                Who mistake dingle-berries for caviar, as you might put it.

                What about my Daughter's future?

                by koNko on Sun May 20, 2012 at 06:20:35 AM PDT

                [ Parent ]

  •  Poor Cinnamon (2+ / 0-)
    Recommended by:
    Dave in Northridge, maf1029

    The person seems to believe that this diary is an indictment of all heterosexual men.  It is not meant to be.  I am a heterosexual man.  I was born that way.

    No, Cinnamon, and I apologize for typing too fast for you to get the point, but the target here is STUPID heterosexual men and CLOSETED, SELF-LOATHING homosexual men.

    I thought it was bloody apparent throughout.  But I guess there is no accounting for the reading comprehension skills of some folks, especially those who would taint (giggle!) a well-reasoned diary written by a 57-year old progressive who has done as much (if not more) for the progressive cause as anyone else in here with a Hate Rating.

    Shame on you, Cinnamon.  And let's hope you find that sense of humor you seem to have lost with your reading comprehension.

    12 years with Parkinson's disease made me retire, but it didn't stop me. Visit my home page at The Ex-Examiner Examines the News.

    by Bill Schmalfeldt on Fri May 18, 2012 at 06:49:47 AM PDT

    •  THIS is the kind of heterosexual man you are? (3+ / 0-)
      Recommended by:
      JVolvo, Wee Mama, Neuroptimalian
      How many heterosexual men reading this diary right now have never asked their wife or girlfriend to just take a deep breath, relax, "I'll just put in the tip and we'll see how it goes," and then you ram it home like Captain Kidd jamming his sword back into his scabbard while she hollers "takeitouttakeitouttakeitout" and you tell her to just relax and it won't hurt so bad and she starts kicking and screaming "takeitOUTtakeitOUTtakeitOUT youfuckingbastardpieceofshit" and you finally do (because the walls are thin and your neighbors just LOVE calling the cops) and you tell her she should have at least given herself a chance to relax and enjoy it and she (if she's your wife) doesn't let you anywhere near her with "that thing" for weeks and if she's your girlfriend she stops returning your calls?
      Wow. What a funny, funny guy.

      “Five exclamation marks, the sure sign of an insane mind.” ― Terry Pratchett, Reaper Man Political Compass: -8.50, -6.46

      by Cinnamon on Fri May 18, 2012 at 06:55:55 AM PDT

      [ Parent ]

      •  Yes. Using ridiculous humor to make a point. (2+ / 0-)
        Recommended by:
        Dave in Northridge, maf1029

        I should be dragged through the streets.  Or forced to read your whining, self-important blog.

        Move on, Cinnamon.  There's nothing for you to see here.  This was meant for people who understand satire and a sense of humor, and designed to point to the ridiculousness of the anti-gay marriage point of view.  If you choose to drag it down with incessant comments because you are incapable of humor, that is your problem.  But I am done discussing this with you.

        12 years with Parkinson's disease made me retire, but it didn't stop me. Visit my home page at The Ex-Examiner Examines the News.

        by Bill Schmalfeldt on Fri May 18, 2012 at 06:59:35 AM PDT

        [ Parent ]

        •  She is not the only one who found no (4+ / 0-)

          humor in that.

          Is it true? Is it kind? Is it necessary? . . . and respect the dignity of every human being.

          by Wee Mama on Fri May 18, 2012 at 06:42:42 PM PDT

          [ Parent ]

          •  So, the people who thought it was funny... (0+ / 0-)

            ...they are wrong.  And the humorless few, they are right.

            OK.

            12 years with Parkinson's disease made me retire, but it didn't stop me. Visit my home page at The Ex-Examiner Examines the News.

            by Bill Schmalfeldt on Sat May 19, 2012 at 03:18:04 AM PDT

            [ Parent ]

            •  Because I don't find a jokey account of rape (7+ / 0-)

              funny is not evidence that I am humorless. I find lots of things funny, but rape is not on the list. And as to funny or not, there is not a right or wrong, only sensation. At least two people have told you that they don't find rape jokes funny; that is information and it's up to you whether you use the informatioion.

              Is it true? Is it kind? Is it necessary? . . . and respect the dignity of every human being.

              by Wee Mama on Sat May 19, 2012 at 11:22:52 AM PDT

              [ Parent ]

            •  So, do you ever draw a line about (6+ / 0-)

              what is funny and what is sadistic or otherwise too ugly to use in making a point in writing?

              I am not going to spend much time on specific objections. The complaints are feedback that you are free to rebuke, belittle and ignore. And from the follow up diary, you clearly don't care if people stop reading you. Many diarists have made it clear they don't want folks who aren't on the same page to interfere with animal or IGTNT diaries.

              I happen to be a woman who was never indoctrinated in the trinitarian dogma, including the sex condemnation. I got plenty of unwanted, uncaring attention from people with what I refer to as the dysfunctional Y chromosome. The resemblance cited most often, to Bridget Bardot, was a big part of the problem.

              In order to give some specific boundaries to prospective partners, I came up with a list.

              # 1  Pain. **Intentional pain will end the relationship.**
              Given that tender areas of the body are involved, unintentional pain occurs. The activity causing the pain must stop immediately. Resumption is the call of the injured.

              The other no nos were: failure to comply fully with contraception and protection from bugs, other people, pets or other animals, unacknowledged and agreed upon pharmaceuticals or chemicals, pictures of either of us.

              That leaves plenty of room for pleasure, exploration and pursuit of happiness. Which I enjoyed with several partners, one of whom I gave up all others for, and kept that vow. I never had any experience with a partner who did anything like what you described. I am fully aware they exist and the damage they do to women, like both my mother and daughter.

              Your insistence that those who object don't comprehend or appreciate satire, is painting a broad brush on a pretty intelligent and well read group. It is deaf to the messages.

              You, sir, are no good at satire.
              Your empathy is also deficient.

              Buh, bye.

              "People, even more than things, have to be restored, renewed, revived, reclaimed and redeemed; never throw out anyone. " Audrey Hepburn "A Beautiful Woman"

              by Ginny in CO on Sun May 20, 2012 at 06:08:21 PM PDT

              [ Parent ]

          •  It wasn't funny, but it was a good description (1+ / 0-)
            Recommended by:
            Neuroptimalian

            Of the mindset of the men that are like that. They are about dominance, and not understanding the harm that they do because they are just that stupid.

            Women create the entire labor force. Think about it.

            by splashy on Sat May 19, 2012 at 12:11:40 PM PDT

            [ Parent ]

            •  If only their testosterone-addled little minds ... (0+ / 0-)

              could understand that we can all see right through to the core of this "satirical" charade when the truth is that it's about insecurity resulting from the shame of constantly failing in life.  It's all about their sick need to pretend they have conquered, and are thus superior to, at least one other person on this planet.  Because what could be worse than having to accept that you're the lowest of the low?  It would be sad if it weren't so truly evil and destructive in its intent.

              And isn't it strange that it was not posted anonymously?  Especially when screencaps are so easy to perform.  
               

              "Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity, and I am not sure about the universe." -- Albert Einstein

              by Neuroptimalian on Sat May 19, 2012 at 11:25:48 PM PDT

              [ Parent ]

              •  Why would I post this anonymously? (1+ / 0-)
                Recommended by:
                frankzappatista

                It was a fucking satire of a fucking situation that I fucking imagined in my fucking mind to illustrate the fucking insanity of a fucking person who has issues with "the butt stuff" if it's performed by two men, but thinks the world revolves around his own dick.  And the fact that so many other readers "got that" and only a few did not makes me wonder about the reading comprehension skills of the few who did not but keep posting comment after comment after STUPID comment about how evil I was for pointing out the mindset of people who do the terrible things they seem to think I am condoning when in fact I am condemning them.  Sweet Jesus McGee!

                12 years with Parkinson's disease made me retire, but it didn't stop me. Visit my home page at The Ex-Examiner Examines the News.

                by Bill Schmalfeldt on Sun May 20, 2012 at 04:00:53 AM PDT

                [ Parent ]

                •  Reading comprehension fail: (1+ / 0-)
                  Recommended by:
                  SoCaliana
                  If only their testosterone-addled little minds could understand that we can all see right through to the core of this "satirical" charade when the truth is that it's about insecurity resulting from the shame of constantly failing in life.

                  "Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity, and I am not sure about the universe." -- Albert Einstein

                  by Neuroptimalian on Sun May 20, 2012 at 05:03:25 AM PDT

                  [ Parent ]

      •  Narcissists aren't funny, ... (0+ / 0-)

        they just think they are.  

        "Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity, and I am not sure about the universe." -- Albert Einstein

        by Neuroptimalian on Fri May 18, 2012 at 09:55:12 PM PDT

        [ Parent ]

    •  1 (0+ / 0-)

      Is it true? Is it kind? Is it necessary? . . . and respect the dignity of every human being.

      by Wee Mama on Fri May 18, 2012 at 06:41:56 PM PDT

      [ Parent ]

    •  Poor Bill Schmalfeldt (4+ / 0-)

      Someone didn't appreciate his awesomely funny and way too clever by half diary.

      Shame on you Bill for being such a humorless satirist.

      What about my Daughter's future?

      by koNko on Sun May 20, 2012 at 06:26:54 AM PDT

      [ Parent ]

  •  I conclude that Cinnamon has no sense of humor (5+ / 0-)

    "Tsk, tsk, how the children carry on so. We Very Serious Adults know so much better........"

    I hope that you remember what a good belly laugh feels like.

    And how can someone use a sig line from Terry Pratchett and still have that pompous, condescending attitude? Did you not read the books?

    Less "WAAAAH!", more progress.

    by IndyGlenn on Fri May 18, 2012 at 07:09:24 AM PDT

  •  Lewis Black: Gay Banditos (0+ / 0-)

    http://youtu.be/...

    Lead up to above link

    -6.38, -6.21: Lamented and assured to the lights and towns below, Faster than the speed of sound, Faster than we thought we'd go, Beneath the sound of hope...

    by Vayle on Fri May 18, 2012 at 07:43:17 AM PDT

  •  That was hilarious!! (0+ / 0-)

    Thank you, Bill. You made my day today, and with the day I had yesterday (which started out with the news that Donna Summer had died), this was some welcome comic relief. Plus, there was that whole "FINALLY!! A str8 guy who gets it!" moment I had around the fifth paragraph.
    As for any naysayers who may or may not be named after a popular spice used on toast, rolls, and sticks to stir coffee -- you have my permission to tell them to grow from love.

    "Men never do evil so completely and cheerfully as when they do it from religious conviction." - Blaise Pascal (1623-1662), Pensées, #894

    by maf1029 on Fri May 18, 2012 at 10:37:41 AM PDT

  •  I fail to see the humor in rape speech (3+ / 0-)
    Recommended by:
    SwedishJewfish, Smoh, Cinnamon

    Whether you consider this satire or not, I was triggered by both the imagery you used as well as the repetitive language of the "take it out take it out take it out" scenario eluding to a woman being anally raped against her will (and yes, even a husband can rape a wife, especially when she is saying no - and Bill?  "just relax" does NOT make it ok)

    she starts kicking and screaming "takeitOUTtakeitOUTtakeitOUT youfuckingbastardpieceofshit"
    While your intent may have been to use satire, the way in which you have presented thsi material is dangerous.  It gives the impression that all men want to rape their wives anally and that all women should just shut up and take it.  They just need to "relax"
    How many heterosexual men reading this diary right now have never asked their wife or girlfriend to just take a deep breath, relax, "I'll just put in the tip and we'll see how it goes," and then you ram it home like Captain Kidd jamming his sword back into his scabbard while she hollers "takeitouttakeitouttakeitout" and you tell her to just relax and it won't hurt so bad

    The picture of the finger (I assume?) being inserted into the anus (I assume?) set me off initially.  My grandfather used to penetrate me with his fingers when he raped me as a small child.  I see absolutely no value in this image but to trigger rape victims.

    I don't understand what message you're really trying to convey here, Bill.  And I have been a supporter of your writings in the past - even asked if you would consider writing a piece on Tree Climbers - the movement that 8 young men in Pennsylvania and Daily Kos sparked, so I am not attacking you in any way.

    While I am a supporter of gay marriage, there are many reasons people are opposed to it - and I find it a bit trite for you to narrow it down to 2 reasons - that men are either closted homesexuals or are ignorant heterosexual men who would

    gladly fuck a warm piece of liver if no one was looking
    non-sequitor? huh? nevertheless ignorant heterosexual men who are afraid of being raped by gay men - is that what you're saying?  

    But this is all in "fun" and "satire" - ?  Really?  

    I respectfully request that you delete this post as I don't think it serves any purpose politically, satirically or otherwise.  I say this because I would hate for other rape survivors to wander in and be triggered by your writing - and I don't think you want that either.

    Thank you,
    Roxine

    "...I am the master of my fate/I am the captain of my soul" Invictus - William Ernest Henley Please donate to TREE Climbers, our 501(c)(3).

    by Roxine on Sat May 19, 2012 at 09:38:28 AM PDT

    •  How in the bright blue FUCK... (0+ / 0-)

      ...does this give the impression that ALL MEN WANT TO ANALLY RAPE THEIR WIVES???

      Part of being a writer is being able to place yourself into situations you've never experienced.  I can IMAGINE shit like this happens EVERY FUCKING NIGHT!!!  But you know, it's not really my fault?  I just write stuff.

      I appreciate the good work you do at Tree Climbers, but how you get such a high horse so far up into a tree is amazing, and I don't think it's safe for the horse.

      12 years with Parkinson's disease made me retire, but it didn't stop me. Visit my home page at The Ex-Examiner Examines the News.

      by Bill Schmalfeldt on Sat May 19, 2012 at 02:17:15 PM PDT

      [ Parent ]

  •  Actually, you captured the mindset of the creeps (1+ / 0-)
    Recommended by:
    zenox

    That are against gay marriage, who really WOULD force themselves on girls and women. That's the bottom line: they don't want to be treated the way they treat/would like to treat girls and women. I don't know the percentage of men that are like that, since most don't let anyone know. After all, there are lots of rapes, many of which are not reported, showing there are some men like this.

    They have dominance issues, and that's what this is about. Dominance, and their issues with it.

    Women create the entire labor force. Think about it.

    by splashy on Sat May 19, 2012 at 12:08:16 PM PDT

    •  I am married to a woman who... (1+ / 0-)
      Recommended by:
      zenox

      ...was abused by her former husband.  He took what he wanted from her and laughed at her pain.  He died of a heart attack at the tender age of 39.  In the more than two decades since, Gail has learned what it is to live with a man who appreciates her strength and who draws from her when he needs some extra for himself.

      Oh, yeah.  And I do the dishes every day!  It's about as much as I can do because of the, well... having Parkinson's and such.  But I... Am... NOT... A... MONSTER!!!

      I'm a smart ass who finds humor in situations that a lot of people, who apparently take things more seriously than I do, do.  (And there, I just wrote "do do."  Stop laughing.)

      12 years with Parkinson's disease made me retire, but it didn't stop me. Visit my home page at The Ex-Examiner Examines the News.

      by Bill Schmalfeldt on Sat May 19, 2012 at 02:13:36 PM PDT

      [ Parent ]

  •  I also don't see the humor in this (2+ / 0-)
    Recommended by:
    Radiowalla, pale cold

    You are describing rape in that joke. Perhaps you didn't realize that is what you are describing-but when someone says "NO, stop that" you are supposed to stop. It's not funny. And your belittling comments to Cinammon and others who took issue with your language certainly isn't helpful either.

    Please support TREE Climbers, our 501(c)(3) for victims and survivors of sexual abuse and exploitation. Also, too, I haz a blog

    by SwedishJewfish on Sat May 19, 2012 at 01:43:52 PM PDT

    •  Dear SwedishJewfish, I don't think what Bill (1+ / 0-)
      Recommended by:
      SwedishJewfish

      is doing is "joking" about rape but he is using what generally called as "dark satire" to remind us the possible mindset of homophobics who themselves are highly interested in everything they appear to reject and demean. They are hypocrites, Bill's "dark satire" seems to be saying. And no, he is not blaming heterosexual men, but the wingnut haters of the gay men.

      I agree that the rather 'success' of Bill's dark satire has potential for trigger effects on many among us who have suffered in the hands of people who happen to be his targets (the hypocritical asshole characters) thus a warning would have helped to prevent some of the readers, including yourself from reading it.

      Best regards and hugs.

      "Corruptio Optimi Pessima" (Corruption of the best is the worst)

      by zenox on Sun May 20, 2012 at 05:40:56 AM PDT

      [ Parent ]

  •  So... (1+ / 0-)
    Recommended by:
    exatc

    Everybody really enjoyed it except for those who did not, but I'm not supposed to tell the dour sourfaces to lighten up because that makes me an even worse thought criminal.

    To those who were offended, you have the right to be offended by anything you want to be offended by.  Which I presume is quite the long list of things.

    For those of you who enjoyed my attempt to find some humor in the victory experienced by a long-suffering segment of our society and understood my trip into the mind of the homophobic male who thinks his dick is the reason the world exists... thank you for your intelligence.  I promise to never insult your intelligence.

    To those who were offended, I guess I'll probably offend you again.  My advice, when you see my name on a diary?  Look somewhere else.  You do not have the right to go through your life unoffended.  But you DO have the right not to read my stuff any more.

    I'd rather you didn't, frankly.  I hate to be responsible for so... much... SUFFERING!!! (sob)

    Until next time, my friends, keep fighting the fight and give as good as you get...

    12 years with Parkinson's disease made me retire, but it didn't stop me. Visit my home page at The Ex-Examiner Examines the News.

    by Bill Schmalfeldt on Sat May 19, 2012 at 02:08:11 PM PDT

  •  The only thing that the OP should say (13+ / 0-)

    "I am sorry that I wrote such a tasteless and insensitive diary.  I am deleting it now."

  •  Gotta love this diary (0+ / 0-)

    Calls out a user and everything.

    "...we can all shut-up and go back to our caves." - Leonard Bernstein

    by progdog on Sun May 20, 2012 at 08:54:34 PM PDT

  •  My 6 year old has written better satire. n/t (0+ / 0-)

    Man is simply a monkey with an attitude.

    by rbutters on Mon May 21, 2012 at 12:47:18 AM PDT

  •  Well.. (1+ / 0-)
    Recommended by:
    Sharon Wraight

    Well, I got it.

  •  Bill should be unbanned (1+ / 0-)
    Recommended by:
    cris0000

    I used to generally rec those Tree Clomber kinds of diaries I read, but I'm disappointed in the mob-mentality that ganged up on Bill, repeatedly hide-rated a guy they were in a dispute with (often with ad hominem comments that should be hide-rated themselves!!!), and then professed surprise that he'd been auto-banned. I look at some of the Tree Climber diaries, and though they have no disclaimer or warning on top, they are full of graphic sexual violence that is far worse than the dark satire in Bill's diary. It looks like a posse has emerged that thinks it has control over what can and cannot be said on DailyKos, and how, and what warnings must be issued, etc. At some point there is such as thing as being too politically-correct, too 'pure' ("I'm more sensitive than you are!"), too sensitive, too namby-pamby. There is a place for blunt, crude, coarse, vulgar humor.

    •  Excuse me, are you kidding me? (0+ / 0-)

      Our diaries are "full of graphic sexual violence"? We have LIVED through sexual violence, and yes, we occasionally talk about it. If you can't appreciate the difference between doing that (with numerous trigger warnings) and making disgusting jokes about it, then I don't even know what to tell you.  

      And no, nobody is trying to control anyone. You are in fact suggesting that WE don't have a right to speak out about rape rhetoric when we see it.

      So please, get off of your high horse. And by the way, here is the person you speak of so highly, calling me mentally challenged among other things:

      http://ex-examiner.com/...

      Please, never recommend a Tree Climber diary again. We aren't looking for your pity.

      Please support TREE Climbers, our 501(c)(3) for victims and survivors of sexual abuse and exploitation. Also, too, I haz a blog

      by SwedishJewfish on Mon May 21, 2012 at 10:57:29 PM PDT

      [ Parent ]

    •  By the way, you are full of it (0+ / 0-)

      all of our diaries contain trigger warnings.

      Also, Bill was not autobanned. Markos banned him.

      Please support TREE Climbers, our 501(c)(3) for victims and survivors of sexual abuse and exploitation. Also, too, I haz a blog

      by SwedishJewfish on Mon May 21, 2012 at 11:22:20 PM PDT

      [ Parent ]

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