As CEO of Bain or Governor of Massachusetts, Mitt was accustomed to showing up, making vague pronouncements, and leaving his audience wondering what on Earth he meant. Perhaps he imagined that such dismissive behavior was justified; after all, little people can’t really ever understand the details. They just want to be lulled into a sense of security with buzzwords and sound bites.
Today, when Mitt told Time Magazine’s Mark Halperin:
"I can't possibly predict precisely what the unemployment rate at the end of one year, but I can tell you in a period of four years by virtue of the policies we put in place we'll get the unemployment rate down to 6 percent or perhaps a little lower,"
Mitt probably thought: “Okay, there’s your sound bite, now stop bothering me. I’m inevitable, for Pete’s sake! I can always revise that number later. It’s not like I have to follow through on this. I just have to get elected. Then I can get these darn voters off my back. Geez, I hate little people. Too bad I can’t just fire ‘em.”
As we continue to explore the innumerable flaws of Mitt, please keep in mind that listing all of them, even in serial form, is impossible. Your intrepid diarist is just one small person standing at the shore, holding back the tide. The tide’s gonna win, you can be sure, but we can have some fun surfing together in the mean time.
A for achievements; he’s sure quick to claim
The credit for everything; Mitt has no shame
B is for bullies who prey on the weak
Those cowardly actions forever will reek
C is for character; voters do care
They want more than credentials, dark suits and nice hair
D for democracy: it’s only flaw
Is the voters. We’ll change that by passing a law
E is for empathy; not Mitt’s strong suit
He’s an icy, unfeeling, and heartless old coot
F, forty-seventh, the Bay State’s low rank
On new job creation when Mitt let it tank
G is for greed, when you can’t get enough
With a handful of mansions, life’s awfully tough
H for hard work: that might work well for you
Unless Bain pulls the plug, then your work life is through.
I for indignant, at all he must bear
It’s enough to make someone tear out all their hair
J for the jobs he destroyed while at Bain
Nothing personal, guys (except personal gain!)
K for the Kossacks who see through this sh*t
And will not let up in their critiques of Mitt
L is for leveraged buy-outs he’s done
Closing plants is a joy! Firing people is fun!
M is for marvelous; Paul Ryan’s plan
To destroy our entitlements! He is the man!
N for nostalgia for school days long past
All those hijinks at Cranbrook were really a blast!
O for oppression, the rich rule the poor
It’s fun to find out just how much they’ll endure
P, predatory, the way Bain behaved
No benefits, pensions, or jobs would be saved
Q for the quirks that make Mitt so aloof
Such as driving up north with your dog on the roof
R is for running mate; he’ll likely choose
A person who’ll fall on their sword should Mitt lose
S is for sociopathic displays
Against unemployed workers, poor people, and gays
T is for trickle-down theories, my friend!
Don’t tax job creators; it will be The End!
U, unemployment, just promise the moon
If elected, he knows he’ll renege on that soon
V is for voters, the curse of campaigns
At stops ‘cross the country, no interest he feigns
W for the White House; the prize is in sight
But he’ll tear it down as he fights urban blight
X for exhaustion; campaigning’s hard work
At least for a pompous and arrogant jerk
Y for the years that he toiled at Bain
Making billions and billions while meting out pain
Z, zero chance that his taxes he’ll show
What’s he hiding? The chances are, we’ll never know