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Last night, Bill Maher had yet another excellent New Rule where he blasted conservatives for freaking out over their made-up sociopathic fantasy of what they think Obama has done.

Now, Ted went on to say that Obama leads a "vile, evil America-hating administration, wiping its ass with the Constitution".  As opposed to Ted, who uses his hand.  Now, it somehow became an article of faith on the Right that Obama is the most extreme President in American history.  Although, when they say that, I think what they really mean is, he's black.

Let me give you some examples.  Newt Gingrich called Obama "the most radical, leftist President in history".  Senator Marco Rubio called him "the most divisive figure in modern American history".  Michele Bachmann said Obama is "the most radical President we have ever seen in the history of the country".  And when has Michele Bachmann ever been known to misjudge a man?

(wild audience laughter and applause)

....

The Dow was at 7,949 when he took office, now it's 12,000 and over, corporate profits are at their highest ever.  If he's a socialist, he's a lousy one.  (audience applause)

He could not be less threatening if he was walking home with iced tea and Skittles.

So the question remains, how can you guys be so unhappy with Obama, when I'm so unhappy with Obama?  You think you got coal in your stocking?  I wanted single-payer health care, a carbon emissions bill, gun control, and legalized pot.  (audience cheering)

If you get to carry around all this outrage over me getting that shit, shouldn't I have gotten it?

So, just admit it.  This isn't about what Obama is.  It's about what you need him to be, because hating him is what gets you up in the morning.

Full transcript below the fold.

And finally, New Rule: Ted Nugent has to tell me what Obama has done that he's so mad about, so I have something to be happy about!  Now, I refer to the famous proclamation Mr. Nugent made last month, when he said that if Obama is re-elected, it would be such an unthinkable catastrophe that he, Ted, would "either be dead or in jail".  Or as I call it, a win-win.  (audience cheering)

Now, Ted went on to say that Obama leads a "vile, evil America-hating administration, wiping its ass with the Constitution".  As opposed to Ted, who uses his hand.  Now, it somehow became an article of faith on the Right that Obama is the most extreme President in American history.  Although, when they say that, I think what they really mean is, he's black.

Let me give you some examples.  Newt Gingrich called Obama "the most radical, leftist President in history".  Senator Marco Rubio called him "the most divisive figure in modern American history".  Michele Bachmann said Obama is "the most radical President we have ever seen in the history of the country".  And when has Michele Bachmann ever been known to misjudge a man?

(wild audience laughter and applause)

John Bolton said Obama "just doesn't care about national security".  Honestly, there are Mexican drug mules who don't pull this much stuff out of their ass.  And my question is, how can the same guy, Barack Obama, make these people feel that America has changed so completely, and yet make me feel like it's barely changed at all?

I travel all over this country doing stand-up, and since Obama has been President, what??  It's still the exact same Kentucky Fried Country it has always been!  I see it!  People driving their cars to the mall, buying stupid shit, stuffing their faces, taking pictures.  The only difference is we bump into each other more cuz now we're all texting!

We haven't lost our freedoms.  I'm pretty sure the only things Obama has killed are bin Laden and Donald Trump's last shred of dignity.  (wild audience applause)  If Obama were as radical as they claim, here's what he would have already done.  Pulled the troops out of Afghanistan.  Given us Medicare for all.  Ended the drug war.  Cut the defense budget in half.  And turned Dick Cheney over to the Hague.  (wild audience applause)

Here's what Obama actually did.  He cut taxes and spending.  Look at this graph.

These bars show the growth in federal spending for each President.  Obama is at the bottom.  Yes, the black man's is the shortest.

He didn't go on a spending spree.  He didn't break up the too big to fail banks.  They've only gotten bigger and fail-ier.  That's not what liberals wanted, that's what conservatives wanted.

At the 2008 convention, Sarah Palin chanted "Drill, baby, drill".  Under Obama, there's more drilling than ever.  That's not what environmentalists wanted, that's what conservatives wanted.

Obama spent most of last year conceding the Republican premise that government needed cutting.  That's not what progressives wanted, that's what the Tea Party wanted.

The Dow was at 7,949 when he took office, now it's 12,000 and over, corporate profits are at their highest ever.  If he's a socialist, he's a lousy one.  (audience applause)

He could not be less threatening if he was walking home with iced tea and Skittles.

So the question remains, how can you guys be so unhappy with Obama, when I'm so unhappy with Obama?  You think you got coal in your stocking?  I wanted single-payer health care, a carbon emissions bill, gun control, and legalized pot.  (audience cheering)

If you get to carry around all this outrage over me getting that shit, shouldn't I have gotten it?

So, just admit it.  This isn't about what Obama is.  It's about what you need him to be, because hating him is what gets you up in the morning.  And Ted, you don't have to fear what happens if the Democrats are re-elected, because they don't have any ideas anyway.

I can understand your paranoia that they have a secret plan, because they sure as shit don't have a public one.  Can anyone tell me what the Democrats want to do?  The best I can come up with is, "Elect us.  We're lame, but the other guys are nuts."

Originally posted to BruinKid on Sat May 26, 2012 at 05:00 AM PDT.

Also republished by DKOMA and Electronic America: Progressives Film, music & Arts Group.

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