This is good for a chuckle. You remember our old friend Randy "Duke" Cunningham, the former California congressman who was sentenced to eight years in prison back in 2005 for taking a whopping $2.4 million in bribes from various defense contractors? Of course you do, because who could forget the "bribe menu" he provided to defense contractor Mitchell Wade or better yet, his blubbering, massively self-pitying press conference confession, truly one of the most memorable on-air breakdowns by a politician in recent memory.
Well, it looks like the Dukester is scheduled to be released from prison next year. And like the macho man he is (he was a decorated fighter pilot and the supposed real-life Top Gun after all), he wants his guns backs:
In a forlorn, rambling note to the judge who sentenced him, Cunningham said he is scheduled for release to a halfway house in December of this year. He begged to have his second amendment rights restored saying, "I will live in a very remote part of Arkansas, and not much threat (sic) from people, but they have a lot of black bears, cougars, and history of rabies."
And:
"I asking you (sic) to help restore my second amendment rights so I can earn a little money so I can eat," Cunningham, who said he was a lifetime member of the NRA, wrote. "Pls (sic) help me your honor. I don't have much left but this little thing is a big thing for me."
You can read the full letter
here and much like Duke's infamous press conference confession, it's a rambling mess of self-pity and shame. As
Seth Hettena, who first reported this, writes, the Dukester rambles on about his plans to hide out in the Ozarks, his desire to be away from the
San Diego Union-Tribune (which first exposed his corruption), how he blames the government for being poor and homeless ("Don't guess we can do to (sic) much for our veterans after all.") and how unfair it is that he "flew aircraft that could disintegrate your building with a half-second burst and now can't carry a .22-cal." It makes for a fun read.
But it appears that Duke's literary skills have been for naught, because its intended reader, U.S. District Judge Larry Alan Burns, has replied back, with much greater lucidity and restraint, and told him that he's sorry, but he can't help him:
U.S. District Judge Larry Alan Burns told Cunningham that he had "no authority" to resotre his gun rights. He told him his only route, thatnks to a federal stature that strips felons of their gun rights, would be to ask the Secretary of the Treasury to grant relief. But, he noted, there's a bit of a catch with the approval process, which the ATF would need to conduct.
"You should be aware, however, that every year since 1992, Congress has refused to provide funding to the ATF to review applications from the federal firearm ban. And the United States Supreme Court has fuled that inaction by ATF does not amount to a 'denial' of the application within the meaning of section 925(c)," Burns wrote. "So unless Congress changes course and decides to fund ATF's review of applications for relief, it appears you are stuck."
Don't worry, Duke. Maybe you can go back to bow and arrows. I admit they don't vaporize buildings in seconds, but you can still provide for yourself.
The Dukester is scheduled to be released from the Federal Correction Complex in Tucson, Arizona on June 4 of next year, though (according to Cunningham) he's scheduled to go to a Little Rock, Arkansas halfway house in December. And in an added note, Cunningham's apparently been quite the prolific writer in prison, including endorsing Newt Gingrich and telling him "80% of inmates would vote for you," and a memorable letter to Talking Points Memo telling his "untold story."
My only suggestion for Duke as a fellow writer: Learn to edit better.