Skip to main content

Just before I woke up today, I had the most vivid dream. Now, I'm a lucid dreamer, so I stayed with this dream for a long time, allowing it to shift and controlling the shift as I usually do,  but I remained centered on the main topic...... my father had died (In reality he died nearly 2 years ago).

Since he died last August, I never really mourned Pop. I never really cried. I don't know why. I just didn't.

But this morning, in my dream, he died. And all the people that I have loved throughout my youth and to the present, my closest cousins, my best friends, my enemies, everyone that I have loved and still love, they all came around to pay their respects to dad. In my dream I found myself in a shower room, naked, water turned on all around me. And I was crying. Crying so hard that my tears weren't running down my cheeks, but rather were actually jetting from my eyes in a steady stream like water from a hose.  Uncontrolled by any muscle, unabated by any will. I just let them stream out........And as people came up to me to pat my back, give condolences, say their piece, the tears kept streaming. I received these visitors with joy and thankfulness, without shame....... In my naked, vunerable grief.

I think I have finally grieved my father. I still miss him terribly. I still feel that loneliness of his absence, but I believe that the grief just moments ago poured out of me in one, beautiful lucid dream.

Goodbye, Pop.

I'm still your boy,

Your Email has been sent.
You must add at least one tag to this diary before publishing it.

Add keywords that describe this diary. Separate multiple keywords with commas.
Tagging tips - Search For Tags - Browse For Tags


More Tagging tips:

A tag is a way to search for this diary. If someone is searching for "Barack Obama," is this a diary they'd be trying to find?

Use a person's full name, without any title. Senator Obama may become President Obama, and Michelle Obama might run for office.

If your diary covers an election or elected official, use election tags, which are generally the state abbreviation followed by the office. CA-01 is the first district House seat. CA-Sen covers both senate races. NY-GOV covers the New York governor's race.

Tags do not compound: that is, "education reform" is a completely different tag from "education". A tag like "reform" alone is probably not meaningful.

Consider if one or more of these tags fits your diary: Civil Rights, Community, Congress, Culture, Economy, Education, Elections, Energy, Environment, Health Care, International, Labor, Law, Media, Meta, National Security, Science, Transportation, or White House. If your diary is specific to a state, consider adding the state (California, Texas, etc). Keep in mind, though, that there are many wonderful and important diaries that don't fit in any of these tags. Don't worry if yours doesn't.

You can add a private note to this diary when hotlisting it:
Are you sure you want to remove this diary from your hotlist?
Are you sure you want to remove your recommendation? You can only recommend a diary once, so you will not be able to re-recommend it afterwards.
Rescue this diary, and add a note:
Are you sure you want to remove this diary from Rescue?
Choose where to republish this diary. The diary will be added to the queue for that group. Publish it from the queue to make it appear.

You must be a member of a group to use this feature.

Add a quick update to your diary without changing the diary itself:
Are you sure you want to remove this diary?
(The diary will be removed from the site and returned to your drafts for further editing.)
(The diary will be removed.)
Are you sure you want to save these changes to the published diary?

Comment Preferences

Subscribe or Donate to support Daily Kos.

Click here for the mobile view of the site