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Profiles of Republicans living with Austerity

Hello, and welcome to what I hope is a regular installment of fact filled posts about the captains of industry, masters of the universe, and very serious people who play a prominent role in our political landscape.

The GOP Austerity Queen: Sarah Palin

Sarah Palin, Queen of Austerity

Sarah Palin was once the Governor of Alaska for an entire 2-and-half years, because she had to spend some of her own money on lawyers for something she did while in public office, prayed on it and decided "Fuck it, God wants me to make more money selling books. Plus I can get the rubes to pay for all my legal bills and austere, summer bus tours if I just call it a campaign even though I know won't this cycle."

What a perfect example for the party of personal responsibility to follow. Is there no better way to prove the horrible sycophantic effects of Big Government," and why it must be destroyed, than to govern like sociopaths?

Alaska is a state, where they tax the profits of the energy companies that drill there for oil, and use it to pay its citizens a modest amount to compensate for the harsh conditions of living there, as well as pay for other essential government services. But if you thought that sounds a little like socialism to you, then you probably don't think Bill Ayers launched Barack Obama's political career either.

Sarah Palin is really, really, good at it red-meat politics, but she'd never get caught believing something as silly as Barack Obama's birth certificate is fake "herself" because she doesn't have to. A pizza with Donald Trump, a mention of "American Exceptionalism" and those gangster unions, and big government regulations.

There is no State in the Union that gets more federal tax dollars in return for what they pay than Alaska, but that's what give Sarah Palin special insight into the necessities of cutting government services.  Just not the mansion, daily expense accounts, attendants, and traveling on the public's dime for the Governor. After all austerity is never for everyone, always remember that.  Not for very serious people and masters of the universe like her.  

If you thought the ironies of these things weren't completely lost on someone of Palin's keen mind you would be wrong. Sometimes she slips just enough to let you know she's just acting and doesn't believe two-thirds of what she, herself, says. Yet she must believe some of it too. But with an aww shucks and wink, which counts for enough public display of introspection these days, she's allowed to blithely denounce the atrocities of Obamacare, while her family crossed the border Canadian border as a child to get them some of that "small-government" healthcare.  

Now I wonder, was that legal? But that's not important, obviously it would take a particularly cruel human to hold a minor accountable for the actions of their parents, especially in trying to secure them a better quality of life. I think there's some twisted interpretation of a Bible verse to justify this belief somewhere, but you'll just have to take my word for it.

Sarah Palin and the Founding Fathers

Sarah Palin beliefs and policies are grounded in the intent of the Founding Fathers and Constitution.  One particular passage that Palin has always hold dear, was written by Thomas Maddison that goes something like this:

Choosing to stop a nationally-syndicated radio-talk-show because you accidentally said something offensive and people got upset about it, is indeed, a violation of the first amendment.
Or who could forget the time all 16 sitting Supreme Court Justices rendered their famous from the steps of Juno, Alaska and Chief Magistrate Thurgood Thomas announced:
If someone writes a newspaper editorial that hurts your feelings, while in, after, and seeking public office, it too, is a violation of the first amendment.
Your text books may have never mentioned those passages before, and that's because they were recently unearthed them by reporters from Palins favorite newspaper, World Net Daily. And yes, you have to take her very, very seriously because she was the Vice Presidential nominee of the GOP once.


Well, that's enough for one installment, I really could go on forever on the supreme example Sarah Palin sets for the rest of us. If only people were more willing to accept the "tough-love" Palin has for "Unreal Americans", they too could one day be so blessed.

Check back soon for our next profile: Paul Ryan. Ryan saw one too many neighbors lie about all day in their hammocks while he had to mow lawns and now he's "brains" of the GOP because he read Atlas Shrugged in college.

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