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So I said I was getting better - and I was, sort of.  Then I found out today that if I actually have to have that $700 antibiotic to drive this infection out of my chest - I'll probably end up dead instead.

Why?  I lost my poor people's insurance and now I'm no longer covered at all.  And all of this was just discovered TODAY.

So I had my follow up with my doctor after the Emergency room visit last week, where I was x rayed, cultured, nebulized and sent home with some new antibiotics and steroids.  When I went to the pharma they were a couple dollars but I didn't think anything of it since it was from Emergency not my regular doctor.  I should have thought something was wrong then.

At the follow up I was given an different inhaler with stronger steroids than the one I had at home and a script for a third antibiotic that would finally knock this out before it becomes full fledged pneumonia.  Everyone's goal has been keeping me OUT of the hospital but still recovering, because hospitals are really bad places for people with breathing issues.

It takes a lot for me to actually get to the pharmacy - and I'm too sick to walk or bike the 7 mile round trip.  So I have to rely on friends with cars or cab it - which spends the small amount of money I have for bills available since I'm not able to work.

I get there, ask about the meds and I'm told I'm not covered any more - and it's $700 for the antibiotics.  Needless to say that is not in the budget.  I left without them.

Now my first call was my Drs office - she's out for the day.  They said there wasn't anything they could do other than a discount program that makes it only $200 or so.  Still not helping.

Next stop was the DHS office, where I was just a few weeks ago and they assured me my medical was all set and covered - there would be no breaks.  This time they insisted they sent me a letter (got the mail yesterday - no letter) cancelling my services because I made $150 too much gross per month at my part time job I haven't been able to go to for weeks.

It seems while I could work - I worked myself right out of healthcare.  No longer eligible, despite life threatening conditions - and I had to re-enter the lottery TODAY since I have no verifiable income NOW.  But I have to actually survive until my number comes up and I can apply again.

I'm 42 years old.  I was told to die, apply for disability and quit my job.  All by the same person, oddly enough.  I don't know that I am sick enough in a single way to qualify for disability.  I have cumulative illnesses that make me less and less functional over time, but I don't know if that will get me through the hoops I will have to jump though to prove I'm sick enough to allow to live.

If I'm not sick enough to be allowed to live - then I will die here in my little boat home with my cat and my pictures of my wife.  It's mine.  I still own it for now and it's my home.

And if I don't die before they take my boat from me, then I will be homeless and just die without the cat and the pictures of my wife.

I'm so disheartened.  I'm so tired.  I'm tired of not being considered human because I'm poor.  I'm tired of being told to hurry up and die when all I want to do is live and be productive.  I'm so ashamed that I have to ask for help and it never seems like it's enough to actually get me anywhere without a punt to the balls when I try to catch a breath.

I'm scared that I have to actually make a decision about how I want to die with dignity - and I'm 42 years old and just need a damn antibiotic.

Originally posted to Mortifyd on Fri Jun 15, 2012 at 12:04 PM PDT.

Also republished by Community Fundraisers, ClassWarfare Newsletter: WallStreet VS Working Class Global Occupy movement, and German American Friendship Group.

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