I've been working on the diary since June 15. I'm going to let the words flow and see what happens. Dave in Northridge has an excellent diary talking about "covering" as a gay man and fitting in to a norm. I said I would think about it and give a detailed response. It's funny because I kind of have pre-responses published in 2008 about being Hispanic and about being gay in 2011 dealing with different aspects of who I am.
Looking at it from the outside it seems almost chameleon-like the ability to shift between situations and how I deal with them.
I will be the first to say I'm eclectic. I am a huge sports fan, love football, baseball, NCAA Men's Basketball, tennis, and swimming. I used to play tennis all the time. I like sports bars and play fantasy football like it means the world. At the same time I am a huge sci-fi/fantasy geek, have a deep love of history, try to follow physics, love to cook, garden, and at the same time follow markets, interest rates and demographic data for my job. Plus I teach financial literacy courses from time to time.
Those are activities and things I do. The who I am relates to those activities. Gay guy likes sports - not something that was very common when I was coming out. In fact, it was viewed negatively because it was blending and not Queer enough. "you just want to be butch," was said a few times. I can throw a baseball, drive the lane, hit a slice backhand to make your head spin, and set the volleyball pretty damned good. It's not acting - it’s part of me. There are always little things that become issues that straights don't have to contend with. Pictures of a partner on a credenza, bringing a date to an employee function, the beneficiary forms for HR. All of those things have to be navigated, sometimes carefully.
One thing I must admit, I am lucky. Growing up in Houston, while in Texas, Houston changed enormously since 1980. Being Hispanic here is just part of the social mosaic. However, being Hispanic and being completely disassociated from it creates problems. I'm from an old Tejano family, my roots are Texan, not Mexican, in nature. My grandparents can claim Mexican-American descent far more easily than I can. I would be lost in Mexico because I don't speak Spanish. When you have the nice natural tan I do, people tend to expect you to speak Spanish. Newsflash, there are tons of old time Hispanics in Houston who don't speak it. My only true tie culturally to this part of me is through food. I have recipes from my great-grandmother. Cooking is a love my grandmother taught me. It’s all by feel with her. Drives some friends crazy because I say, pinch of this, dash of that, maybe a hint of X - they want a formula, with my grandma there was no formula.
So here I am, a Hispanic gay guy, getting by in the world. It’s odd but very rarely has my skin color or odd last name ever felt like a hindrance. I've always been one of the smartest people in the room. I did write a diary last month about visiting the Mid-West and feeling a bit out of place because I'm used to a diverse scene everywhere in Houston. I guess I've always used my intelligence as the "cover." That of course opens whole other cans of worms.
Not sure how to really put this but I'll try. In dealing with different parts of my life it’s like certain personality traits get highlighted and others downplayed. They're still there, but don't play a huge role at that given time. Like being gay doesn't play a front role when discussing loan saturation in specific census tracts. However, part of me might think if we can do outreach to that segment and increase the loan portfolio.
One story that really underscores how things can overlap and surprise you. Several years ago I was dating someone - long distance - but travel wasn't an issue. My fantasy football league always has a get together for the opening Friday of the NCAA Men's Basketball Tournament. We all take the day off and hang out at a sports bar for hours lamenting our shitty picks or busting on someone who has a 14 seed winning the whole thing. Well this particular day I got an email via my Blackberry that the relationship was over. There are shitty ways to break up and via Blackberry is up there. These guys I had known for eight years by that time. We never really discussed me being gay, but they knew. It’s not a secret. For the first hour it was alcohol and sympathy. After that it was open season on my shitty taste in men. It ended up being one of the best days because my buddies related it to their experiences - gay or straight didn't matter. My picks still sucked, but it was a good day.
The thing is I am who I am. My skin color doesn't change and how I'm oriented doesn't either. They play roles in everything, but not leading ones all the time. I was raised to be an independent thinking man. I'm grateful that my parents allowed me to explore my world growing up and gave me room to fall and pick myself up again. As I've grown older I allow myself to be far more open than I used to. My partner goes to family functions, he speaks Spanish which delights some of my family members, and to work functions. I don't hide parts of my life.
Not sure if that answers the question, but it is what it is.
And because I am such a geek. Here is my favorite BG axiom and one I took to heart years ago:
Confine yourself to observing and you always miss the point of your own life. The object can be stated this way: Live the best life you can. Life is a game whose rules you learn if you leap into it and play it to the hilt. Otherwise, you are caught off balance, continually surprised by the shifting play. Non-players often whine and complain that luck always passes them by. They refuse to see that they can create some of their own luck.
PS. Happy Gay Pride!