Welcome to Awards Edition Plus, your one-stop snark shop and home of the Golden Douchenozzle Award , the News of Dubious Veracity Department and more!
In tonight's edition, managing editor Lenin Cat editorializes on recent Supreme Court decisions, News of Dubious Veracity Department asks Joe Arpaio for his papers, You Can't Make This Sh*t Up Department introduces us to S&M Barbie and of course, the GDN nominees plus a nifty poll where you get to decide who wins.
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Awards Edition Plus Editorial
by Lenin Cat
This is a big week for Supreme Court rulings. Though we're still waiting for the verdict on the ACA, this week's ruling on the Montana election funding law and the Arizona "show me your papers" law is a mixed bag. The Montana case is highly disappointing. The court overturned a long-standing election funding law which sought to correct a long history of purchased elections in that state. Citizens United, that odious opinion, continues to ooze its purulence and the losers here are not just the people of Montana, but all of us.
The Arizona decision was certainly better, though I am still dismayed that the "show me your papers" section was upheld. It has become fashionable for wingnut governors and legislators to challenge the authority of the Federal Government on all sorts of things, and immigration in particular. While the President has said that he will not deport certain undocumented persons such as persons under 30 who have lived most of their lives in the US and were brought here as young children by their parents, it bears keeping in mind that the Obama administration has been very aggressive with deportations of undocumented persons. What part of this do people like Jan Brewer or Joe Arpaio miss? I simply fail to see how they could not see President Obama and his administration as allies in their "war" against what I prefer to call "irregular immigration".
The most egregious part of the Arizona decision, however, was Justice Scalia's dissent. E.J. Dionne in a Washington Post Op-Ed observed that Scalia was behaving "just like an Arizona Senate candidate" and called for Scalia's resignation. Awards Edition Plus agrees with Dionne. The blatant politics from the bench is not the half of it though. Scalia went so far as to talk about laws restricting "undesirable" persons such as freed blacks in the 19th century South as precedents for laws such as Arizona's. This is reprehensible.
Regardless of the opinion handed down on the ACA, the Roberts court has shown itself time and time again to be highly politicized, partisan, hypocritical, craven, nasty, and anti-democratic. Frankly, I'd like to see Scalia, Roberts, Alito and Thomas all out on their heinies. In fact, I'd like to see Scalia impeached. The Supreme Court has had its dark days before, and will again, but there is simply no excuse for the morally and legally bankrupt cesspit it has become.
Dionne is right: Scalia must go. Now
Speaking of Lenin Cat...
Special thanks to Kossack behan for finding this clip.
News of Dubious Veracity Department
Via the Arizona Jingoist:
Sherriff Joe Arpaio stopped by Maricopa County Deputies, Fails to Provide Papers.From the Massachusetts Independent:
Maricopa County Sheriff Joe Arpaio was stopped by a county deputy yesterday for driving under the influence of delusions of grandeur. Because his name seemed foreign, he was asked to show a green card or passport, but was unable to produce the documents, spokeswoman Jane Chillingsworth told the Jingoist. Deputy Arnold Henry spotted the sheriff’s personal automobile at approximately 10 pm Mountain time on Tuesday evening traveling two miles per hour over the speed limit and stopped Sherriff Arpaio three blocks from his home according to the police report. When the sheriff was unable to prove that he was in the country legally, Deputy Henry arrested Arpaio and he is being held without bond in regulation pink scrubs pending proof of his citizenship…
Scott Brown's Anonymous ManHunt Page Discovered, Seedy Underbelly of Mass. Senator Provokes Outrage in LGBT CommunityYou Can't Make This Sh*t Up Department
Boston, MA. Investigative reporter Michael Arundel has been digging into the background of Sen. Scott Brown (R-MA) for the past two years and has uncovered the deleted ManHunt profile of the Massachusetts Senator. According to Arundel, the profile contained the semi-nude picture once published in Playgirl Magazine and described Brown as "Married, ...looking for encounters with men in my pickup truck...cannot host, must travel."
The reaction from the gay community has been swift and harsh. A spokesman for the Boston Area Gay and Lesbian Pickup Truck Club told the Independent "The thought of Scott Brown having gay sex is repugnant. In fact the thought of Sen. Brown having any kind of sex makes me queasy. Our community doesn't want him." According to the Senator's campaign, the ad was never used to solicit sex but as "an outreach tool to attract gay male voters in his election campaign"...
Daily Kos, meet S&M Barbie. You've come a long way, baby...
Here, see for yourself:
BARBIE’S new S&M look has whipped up a storm – with protesters dubbing it “filth”.
The doll’s image is transformed with kinky fishnets, motorcycle jacket, black gloves and boots.
Makers Mattel say Black Canary Barbie, out in September, is based on a DC comic superhero of the same name.
But religious group Christian Voice said: “Barbie has always been on the tarty side and this is taking it too far.
A children’s doll in sexually suggestive clothing is irresponsible – it’s filth.”
--The Sun (UK)
And now, without further ado, it's...
The Golden Douchenozzle Award Nominees
[Weaksauce brass fanfare...Bronx cheer...]
The Golden Douchenozzle Award is given periodically to politicians, public figures, business and law enforcement personalities and others for rank hypocrisy and general asshattery.
Oh, there are no shortage of nominees for the coveted award. Lenin Cat and the workers at Irrigation Solutions, Inc have been working overtime to ramp up the douchenozzle production leading up to November. Looks like they will have to continue to run three shifts for the rest of the Summer:
Mitt Romney, pathological liar. Romney's election strategy seems to consist of lying so much, so often, and so bizarrely that it is nearly impossible to keep up with the lies. He hopes that some of them will be taken for truth by voters. Add to this his continued stonewalling and obfuscation about the Bain Capital outsoursing storyand this gives us some insight into why he lies so much. If we ever discovered the truth about Mittens, even hard core, "harshly conservative" voters would toss their cookies.
Ann Romney, dishonest animal abuser. The New York Times has it here: it's bad enough Mittens put poor Seamus on top of the family station wagon, but Ann Romney drugged a lame horse to defraud a buyer. Perhaps she should try some of those horse pills on Mittens. It might improve his political dressage. Boy, do these people have class. All of it low, apparently.
Seattle Police Lt. Gregg Calder, for police brutality. See Horace Boothroyd III's diary "Dancing is Not a Crime" for a video of Lt. Calder pepper-spraying a peaceful reveler at close range and assaulting him. Of course, like it always is in these situations, it's the reveler who is charged with assaulting a police officer. Lt. Gregg Calder: major douchenozzle.
Michele Spinelli, a Hillsborough County (FL) Jail employee who refused to give a rape victim a physician-prescribed "morning after" pill after the victim was arrested on an outstanding warrant after reporting the assault. Why? Because it was against Spinelli's religion to do so. Don't you just love it when women participate in the war on women? Thorough-going douchenozzle.
Gov. Rick Scott, speaking of Florida. He says he's got a list of 180,000 voters who are not citizens whom he is going to purge from the rolls. That is an awful lot of voters. Scott is beginning to remind me of another wingut Republican with a list...I'll be that list is just the same kind of BS McCarthy's list was. Anything to disenfranchize likely Democratic voters. Classy.
Roman Catholic Bishop Michael Hoeppner of the Diocese of Crookston, MN gives 5th graders a sex-ed class in which he talks about how horrible and icky same-sex marriage is. The best part is? He told them to go home and tell their parents to vote for the bigoted anti-equality constitutional amendment this fall. All together now: douchenozzle.
Antonin Scalia. The racist overtones in his dissent in the Arizona "papers, please" opinion are just over the top douchey. Of course when it comes to "judicial activists", I guess it takes one to know one, eh Scalia? What a total embarrassment to jurisprudence. Heck, an embarrassment to the human race.
So, who wins the award? You get to choose, so don't forget to vote in the poll below, and/or add your own nominations in the comments. Thanks for joining us for Awards Edition Plus. You may now return to your regularly scheduled pROn and pooties.
Special thanks to The Boyfriend™ for editing tonight's diary.