Her story and mine are not quite similar, but sort of, and Black Heart, sweetie, if you are reading this, I understand where you're coming from.
Black Heart's story begins with her crushing grief for her hubby. Understood. Then there's an update, the story is now a little more like mine. Mostly long-distance relationship, mine wasn't but the alienation from the family factor and not having anybody to talk to is there.
My sweetie committed suicide in February of this year. And I didn't have anybody to talk to either, as you will soon see why. Black Heart says she doesn't know why he died, and the family didn't bother to tell her much. Big tell. When the family doesn't want to tell you anything, it's a little spishy, frankly.
And she also said that she thought the whole thing was like her imagination. No it wasn't sweetie. You will remember him fondly, but you will forget a lot of stuff, and that will be good. Well, not GOOD exactly, but healing.
And I want to echo the comments which told her that she should not close herself off to love just because of this. I've been trying to do this myself.
So I saw her post and sat down and wrote this last night, frankly I wanted to sell it to Cracked, because it seems just the sort of thing they might like. But Cracked's method for recruiting new writers sucks, frankly. Their website is a nightmare for anybody trying to contact them. They won't buy this, and frankly, I don't want them to have it anymore.
So anyways (sweetie's take) here's the story:
The Seven Reasons Why You Should Not Commit Suicide
Let’s say you are thinking about doing that. As someone whose boyfriend committed suicide in February of 2012, I think I can speak with some authority on that. My boyfriend was, for sake of argument, call him Michael. Michael was my boyfriend and lived with his aged Mom and took care of her. She was in a wheelchair and had oxygen bottles. And he washed her nappies and took care of her. And was the light of her life. There are oh so many reasons not to do it:
1. You don’t get a do-over.
Many suicides seem to think you will. Like it’s not really final. Trust me. You won’t. And your friends and family also will not.
2. You’ll die young and make a good looking corpse
No you won’t. Especially if you hang yourself in Mom’s basement. And the coroners keep your body for a week and stuff your head with sawdust to replace the brains they took out. That’s not going to be cool, it’s just going to be pathetic. Everyone at your funeral will be going “geez he’s so GROTESQUE, doesn’t even look like himself.”
3. You are not Ernest Hemingway or Hunter Thompson
Nobody will be thinking of you that way.
4. All your secrets will come out.
If you had secrets – say, you had like, three different girlfriends who didn’t know about each other – or bigtime financial problems – all this crap will come out at your funeral. Now you may say “I don’t care, I’ll be dead”. And you may even be amused at the unseemly brawl among your GFs at the funeral. But remember. You labored mightily to keep this crap secret when you were alive. Because you cared about all these people. Are you really happy to have it all laid bare after you are dead? (For the record, I don’t take place in unseemly brawls. Just duck these things and go home and laugh hysterically and cry.)
5. Your family will suffer financially.
They won’t be able to find your tax returns or any other financial records, and they won’t know where to look because YOU’RE NOT THERE to tell them.
6. Your boss that you hated will come to the funeral and pretend to be your best friend.
Maybe even stuff a little token of the company into the casket for you to take with you through eternity. Acccckkkkk.
7. Your enemies will outlive you, and your friends will forget you.
Your friends will not be able to bear the pain and work to forget you, but your enemies will love it. Think about that. Do think about that, and then tell me you won’t do it. Because if you’re out there and thinking about it, I care about you. ‘Nuff said.
I am a lot over the worst of it after 5 months. But it will never really go away.
Black Heart, I have you in my heart every day, and I hope you are getting better.