Itzl is one smart little dog.
He teaches himself signs and signals to tall me what he means, and he quickly picks up my signs and signals. We hardly talk with sounds to one another anymore, a flick of the finger, a twitch of the ear, and we understand what the other meant.
He's even learned to make snarky remarks - far more snarky than me - about some of the people around us.
And he's developed his own set of insults - "bent ear" is a person who doesn't listen. When I give directions to someone and they mess it up, he looks at me, bends his ear with a Spockian rise of one eyebrow and a slow shake of his head.
It's all I can do not to laugh when I give the directions again, in a different way.
You already know "bad dog" is his general insult for people and other animals who misbehave.
"Yap yap" is his insult for someone who talks too much. He looks at them and his lower jaw starts moving. He'll "yap" his jaw twice, cut his eyes over to me, then repeat until I give him the "stand down" signal. If he's in his carrier, he'll hunch and shake his shoulders like he's laughing as he "yaps".
When someone cuts us off - cuts in front of us or blocks us - when we're shopping, he flicks his paw and jerks his head two or three times, followed by a heavy sigh. I just know he's calling them "whatja gonna do jerks".
Perhaps his worst insult next to "bad dog" is his "dirty paw" insult. When someone does something he thinks is so far beyond the pale he's speechless, he slowly and deliberately licks his paw, then pretends to hack up a hairball, while rolling his eyes at me.
He is such a hoot.
Xoco, poor, brain damaged little Xoco, is picking up his bad language and using it far more forcefully. She is a drama queen.
We had to rush her to the vet last night. She was running and one of her sandals popped a strap, tripping her. She skidded across the hot pavement before she could make a recovery, ripping fur and skin off one side of her ribs. It was, like everything Xoco does, dramatic and vastly over the top.
I scooped her up, slapped a gauze pad on her wound, and opened the car door. Itzl leapedinto his car seat, and when I put Xoco in with him, he leaned against the gauze to keep it in place. She was probably howling, but I couldn't hear her, only see her little mouth moving vigorously.
At the vet's I slipped Itzl into his carry pouch and took Xoco in my arms, carruing her into the Vet's.
She was apparently making so much "I hurt" noise that 3 vets converged on us before I made it to the counter. She wouldn't let anyone but me touch her, so the vets gave her a sedative. I explained that she skidded on the pavement and scraped her rib.
It isn't a bad wound. Shallow, but it left half her rib bald and raw looking. There are two spots that are burns - whether it's "road rash" or actual burns from the hot pavement isn't clear and the treatment for both are the same so it doesn't really matter. The vet put an antibiotic cream on it and wrapped a gauze pad over it that she needs to keep on until tomorrow.
They offered us a cone of shame so she wouldn't work at it with her teeth.
Itzl looked at the cone of shame, slowly licked his paw while glaring at the vet, then "hacked" his fake hairball, and repeated the move. Xoco looked at him, then repeated his moves exactly, only more forcefully. Her "hacking a hairball" was so realistic, the vet thought she was choking.
I laughed so hard.
When I calmed down, I explained that Itzl had just given him the worst insult his little doggy brain knew. He obviously disapproved of the cone of shame. Xoco took a little longer to stand down than Itzl. I don't know if it was the sedative or her brain damage, but she was so funny.
So the vet offered the newest device - a donut collar that looks like a pillow around her neck that keeps her from reaching her ribs but gives her full vision and access to her food and water dishes. I covered it with an old sock and Xoco loves the thing. It's lightweight and she can lie on her uninjured side and use it as a pillow. She may wear it even when she doesn't have to.
Here's Itzl, laughing at Einstein:
If Itzl were human, he'd be so incredibly smart. As a dog, he's already smarter than a lot of people I've met.