I’m fifty-plus days off after thirty-plus years on.
My physical withdrawals have substantially passed, I think. Now the head games are ramping up and they’re getting pretty dark and pretty fucked-up. I must’ve been under some heavy coercion / delusion / addiction to have kept smoking for so long.
How fucked-up is it that I miss it? Of course I miss the narcotic buzz and the rush of release that comes when the hit washes the jones away (sigh), but I miss the filthy nasty stink of it too. I got really used to the idea of myself as that character. That character has a long list of handicaps and excuses and you have to give that character a special trophy just for showing up. << That’s fucked up. I don’t think I want to keep going through my life as that character all the time.