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I ran across a story today about a woman, a mother of 4, who confessed she had been addicted to adderal.

And the first place my mind went was to the Rolling Stone's *Mother's Little Helper.

A lot of people sometimes imagine that motherhood is a lush time full of chubby babies giggling, with mommy in the rocking chair, and sunbeams shining through enchanted dust motes in bright rooms.

Those are glorious moments.  

Note the use of the word, Moment.

The rest of the time, it's round the clock feedings, engorged breasts, poop filled diapers, vomit in your hair and a kind of social isolation that could be categorized as a *Crime against Humanity, on par with solitary confinement.

And then there is the rest of life, that didn't stop for you, to give birth.

I remember quite clearly, feeling like roadkill more often than not. Feeling guilty for not peeling myself out of bed sooner to complete the multitude of chores such as dishes, laundry, the various meals to prepare, and very little positive feedback from the non-existent friends that were not in my life at the time.

Why Adderall?

Adderall is a drug for attention deficit hyperactivity disorder, but these women don't have ADHD; they say they need Adderall to be better mothers.
Although I never took this or any other prescription stimulant, there were times, when I could clearly understand how people became addicted to anything in the upper family. I drank way too much coffee, and it wasn't enough.

Nothing made me feel like I had blood in my body, that I had the strength to focus and to execute anything that looked like a coherent life. When I felt the worst, was when I had these thoughts the most.

How miserable you must be to think that being strung out on drugs would be a step up, so you *could scrub the grout on your tile.

I am not making light of addiction--just so we are clear. Nor of the side effects. What I didn't realize at the time was that I was very ill. I had an undiagnosed hormonal imbalance that severely affected my cognition and my energy to live a normal life. After doing some research I learned that many women suffer these problems and often go undiagnosed for years.

How awful for us all.

So again, I thought back to those miserable days and I could completely understand how a mother, exhausted beyond hope of ever catching up, could be lured by the siren call of something that not only gives her energy, but also helps her focus and loose weight.

Without condoning the abuse of controlled substances---

I mean if that doesn't sound like some sort of magic pill for over-wrought mothers, then I don't know what is.

You have to put yourself in our shoes.

You have gained 30 lbs. So your body has changed completely. I gained more than that. None of your clothes fit. You feel ugly. Every day when you wake up, you feel as if you hadn't slept, not only that night, but never a day in your life.

As you trudge around the house during what should be a happy time, the chores pile up on you til you have forgotten what color your floor might be. And then you wrestle with remembering appointments, well baby visits, vaccinations for kids and pets, dental appointments, library books--whatever it is you got going in your life at that time.

Suddenly remembering to buy more toilet paper feels like you are attempting to do higher math without a scratch pad.

"I was able to get all the stuff done around the house," Degree said. "I was able to cook the dinner and have everything perfect." Degree tells ABC News she felt like supermom and would stay up until 3 a.m. doing loads of laundry. She says she thought she'd only take it once.
It took me a couple of years to create a supplement regimen that helped me to begin to recover from the exhaustion and the imbalance. I did it because it took medical doctors so goddamn long to get to a diagnosis. And then later, when the doctors finally got around to it,  researching their proposed treatments, I didn't care for side effects of these options.

I am very critical of women-specific care models in this country. It seems to me that the medical profession doesn't give a damn about the hormonal and chemical imbalances that afflict many women, especially gravid women and postpartum women [even if only temporarily] that contribute to the fuzzy, foggy brain, the weight gain, the lack of energy, bad skin--you name it.

That medical community also fails miserably, to address the health effects of physical, and social isolation of mothers with children.

Some women start on Adderall to keep up with the demands of career and home, while others start looking for a quick weight loss fix.
I can totally understand either scenario. I really hate being overweight. I hate it like nothing I have ever hated before, except maybe the physical feeling of having my head planted in my ass.

You can feel when your brain is not functioning at optimal levels. It's like the sensation of the clutch slipping on a stick. It's awful. People call it "Baby Brain" but I think that phrase minimizes the condition. It's not like stumping your toe or having a bad day. It's like loosing multiple IQ points for an extended period of time and knowing it [I think that last part is the worst].

Addiction doctors say the situation is getting out of control.

"This is a significant problem," said Dr. Marvin Seppala, chief medical officer at Hazelden, an addiction treatment facility. "We've got an increase in women using drugs like Adderall ending up in our treatment programs. ... We know from a medical perspective it's dangerous and can cause seizures, strokes, heart attacks, even death."

To that I would say, that the medical profession needs to get on the ball about women's health. Stop looking at weight gain as if it's only about the twinkie and understand that the cravings are driven by chemical signals in the body that can point to other imbalances.

It isn't just about emotional eating too. There can be other health concerns that could be driving the over-eating, the exhaustion, and the poor emotional state. Seriously, when you are ill--do you "feel" good? Are you "happy"? No? Why would women be any different.

Understand that exhaustion can be prolonged by those same signals, and the desire to eat, is often driven by the desire for more physical energy. The cravings for comfort foods may be in reaction to some kind of physical pain.

Understand that making a whole human being from scratch is damn hard work and even without additional health issues, that alone can wear a woman out for a significant number of months, especially when you add the kind of intensive care that all babies require around the clock.

And if she has more than one child, it's going to be a bigger burden physically and emotionally.

I would say that women are turning to adderall because, they don't have a support system to turn to. Whether she is a working mom or a stay at home mom, very few of us are surrounded by the kind of communities and extended familial units that can help us the way we used to help mothers.

I have pointed out many times--over the years, that this lack of societal support and valuing is extended to parents in general and really any kind of care giver. I watch the most negative aspects of "motherhood in America" happen all over again to people in the sandwich generation.

My kids are bigger now. But I still wrestle with the health problems and the weight. The older you get, the slower you bounce back--if you bounce at all. All that isolation and sleep deprivation and worry take tolls on a person's health--beyond pregnancy, or independently of pregnancy.

The loss of social status also breeds resentment, which in some cases is unleashed upon the children or the adult parent, and not reserved for those adults and institutions that are behind the push to make these jobs more difficult and even less rewarding.

There is a complex of obstacles facing women today when it comes to motherhood. Many of them are contrived by society, a kind of institutionalized discrimination against parenting and caregivers--that primarily targets mothers.

Why do I call it institutionalized? Because these are ingrained into society and into the workplaces. These are unthinking policies and traditions that are detrimental to parents [and esp Mothers] that no one thinks to question or challenge.

Why do we--as a society isolate new mothers?
What good purpose does that serve?

Why don't we create more *genuine-family friendly services?
What have we got to loose?

Why does our medical field seem so intent on ignoring women's health issues with regards to obesity and exhaustion?
Does this help society? Does this help parents be better parents? Does this make women or mothers healthier?

Why do some people punish mothers for being mothers? Parents for being Parents?
Who are they really punishing? And do these punitive acts increase productivity or otherwise benefit society in some physical, discernible fashion?

When mothers are taking adderal to loose weight and to regain their focus and their physical energy, then you know that 1. They feel they have been let down by the medical establishment, otherwise they would not be self medicating. I would be curious to know, how many of those women visited their doctors with complaints of exhaustion and brain fog and weight gain and felt unsupported, ignored or even attacked.

2. They know they are not performing at optimal levels and feel the need to chemically enhance that performance in order to create and maintain the appearance of normality.

3. They are not receiving adequate assistance from friends and family--otherwise they wouldn't feel so overwhelmed by *daily life, that they would consider stimulants as an answer to begin with. Because lets face it, moms are on call 24/7-365 days a year.

Nurse, tutor, chef, gardener, housekeeper, personal assistant, go-fer, chauffeur, dog walker, and Nanny.

Hollis Colquhoun, an accredited financial counselor and financial survival expert for women, explains that moms "create income, not only by performing tasks that you'd have to pay for otherwise, but by freeing up money to pay for other expenses or to put into savings."  MSNBC What's the Value of a Stay At Home Mom?
Way back in 2006 the value of a SAHM was calculated at:
Salary.com determined that a stay-at-home mother might be paid as much as $134,121 for her contributions as a housekeeper, cook, day care center teacher, janitor and CEO, among other functions. (See full list at right.) The stay-at-home mothers surveyed said they logged a total of 92 hours a week performing those jobs.

The market valuation for working mothers – who make up close to 70 percent of all mothers with kids under 18 -- comes to $85,876, assuming a 50-hour week in the Mom role. That would be on top of whatever salary a working mother draws from her job outside the home, working 44 hours.

That is a lot of work. Too much work. When do we get time to ourselves? This is how women get lost in motherhood-literally. This is in part the Reaganomics of Time Poverty. The other parent is probably overworked too and is fighting for their moments of solitude and decompression as well.

But back to mothers:

This is the basis of the feminine mystique. We are still fighting the commodification of motherhood. It is comforting to society to imagine that it is all happy, leisurely moments linked together with gooey love, but really, that is only one part of a much larger scenario that is just as much about exhaustingly, hard work.

The imaginings, that it's all just lovey-dovey bullshit, gives others the excuse to not help. But more than that, it also is used as an excuse to resent or even hate mothers.

Lovey Dovey Bullshit is not serious. It is not necessary. It is frivolous in this day and age like the Arts are considered frivolous. And what do we think of frivolous mooches? We hate them. We want to punish them for making the rest of us work harder to support their mooch-fest.

After all, if you are happy, then you are not working hard, but hardly working! Even if you are imagined by others to be happy, then you must be hardly working.

Women and mothers are still fighting this fucked up notion that a large portion of society embraces, that somehow we got it easy, and we must be punished for that.

The end result: Social isolation, a lack of good medical care, exhaustion, illness, resentment, stress, depression, anxiety, and for some addiction-- in an attempt to mitigate these problems in the absence of meaningful, community assistance.

Just imagine if ad companies took pictures of your best days at a job, only days when you are smiling and looked good and altogether,  and strongly implied that every day at that job was a walk in the park, and that you are so happy, and should be so happy with that job, that you owe it to everyone else to do it free, and alone?

Now imagine going to a doctor who holds the same view about the value and ease of your work, and complain about feeling tired, depressed or lonely,  and not understanding why you can't loose the weight, or why you hurt all the time?

I can deeply sympathize with the women in the original news story. I hope they get the help they need. Not only to control their addiction, but also that they receive the assistance and moral support they didn't get before, that lead to their desperate acts to keep everything under control.

Originally posted to GreenMother on Thu Jul 12, 2012 at 08:11 AM PDT.

Also republished by Community Spotlight.

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Comment Preferences

  •  As someone for whom (14+ / 0-)

    Adderall is a miracle drug that banishes the fog and gives me focus, I can sympathize as well.

    But I have ADHD, so I have real issues that make my prescriptions proper.

    For me when I take it, I take a small dose in the morning, I have normal energy and focus all the day, and it tails off nicely about eight hours after I take it... but that's fine, because then I'm winding down for the evening and wanting to go to sleep.  I like it better than Ritalin because I can take a pill in the morning and forget it all and go on with life, and Ritalin required a mid-afternoon dose.

    When you come to find how essential the comfort of a well-kept home is to the bodily strength and good conditions, to a sound mind and spirit, and useful days, you will reverence the good housekeeper as I do above artist or poet, beauty or genius.

    by Alexandra Lynch on Thu Jul 12, 2012 at 08:25:04 AM PDT

    •  I take B-Vitamins and Alphalipoic acid (6+ / 0-)

      It helps. I take a lot of OTC stuff.

      I am functional. I am still working on tweaking the formula though.

      •  Yeah, I did everything I could (7+ / 0-)

        before I admitted that I needed prescription meds for this.  And I still do them because they do boost the effectiveness of the meds.

        I think the thing that is amazing about how they work for me is that I can meditate and do my yoga practice on Adderall. I get focus. I don't lose anything except fog and clutter.

        When you come to find how essential the comfort of a well-kept home is to the bodily strength and good conditions, to a sound mind and spirit, and useful days, you will reverence the good housekeeper as I do above artist or poet, beauty or genius.

        by Alexandra Lynch on Thu Jul 12, 2012 at 08:34:59 AM PDT

        [ Parent ]

    •  And remembering to take a second dose (3+ / 0-)
      Recommended by:
      lorzie, GreenMother, Alexandra Lynch

      is not the wisest for the forgetful ADHD person like me.  

      The meds, when used properly, keep me from getting super-frustrated with the pile of stuff I have to accomplish each day so I can get a normal number of things done.  Having ADHD I still have to make sure to get my vitamin D, Omega 3's, enough quality protein (fish and nuts help, but do not help enough) and not to consume too much caffeine (which was my drug of choice before I was diagnosed with ADHD).    

      I think the biggest issue is this crappy Mommy competitiveness to which we are subjecting ourselves including: whether or not to breastfeed, in which activities are your children participating, what schools are you sending them to? etc.  

      There were kids who got into Harvard, won Nobel prizes and were astronauts before we hyperscheduled our selves into being our childrens' chauffeurs.    

      We all need to take a step back, learn to play with and without our kids and quit trying to one up the desperate housewife next door.  

  •  is this an issue for stay-at-home dads too? (8+ / 0-)

    I imagine it would be. As a dad who works from home while caring for a toddler while mom is working full time and getting a degree, I haven't resorted to pills, but I have become a dedicated coffee drinker, which I wasn't before. Lots of guys are the primary parent these days. It would be nice if we weren't routinely an afterthought... "mothertalkers" on dkos, "motherlode" in the NY Times, etc.

    Mitt Romney = Draco Malfoy

    by ubertar on Thu Jul 12, 2012 at 08:31:58 AM PDT

  •  Humans did not evolve with nuclear families (17+ / 0-)

    and isolated mothers doing all the childcare.

    We evolved in a cooperative childcare system of extended families and clans sharing childcare work. This is the evolutionary setting in which human sociality, language and thought emerged.

    This common and ancient human arrangement, aka "it takes a village to raise a child", was finally disrupted by the industrial revolution, the rise of capitalism, and the shift of control over household economies from women to men.

    •  We suck at (8+ / 0-)

      mothering the mother. That's what it comes down to.

      •  We suck at mothering anyone. Just look around.... (1+ / 0-)
        Recommended by:
        Alexandra Lynch

        Do not call for black power or green power. Call for brain power. ~ Barbara Jordan

        by Saint Jimmy on Thu Jul 12, 2012 at 04:52:47 PM PDT

        [ Parent ]

        •  I hear you but (6+ / 0-)

          I don't suck at mothering. My kids aren't perfect, neither am I, but I work so hard every day to be a good mother. Most other full-time parents do too. A few sucky parents can make us all look bad.

          Finally, finally someone talks about this. I've tried to discuss how truly awful I've felt since I had kids. People attack you for it. "Jeez, how sad that you hate being a mom so much." "Wow, it sounds like you don't like your kids." These are actual responses I've gotten from people when I tried to tell them how bad I feel, every day. I've learned not to talk to anyone about it.

          I'm not suicidal by any stretch; and I love my kids to distraction; but this is bar none the worst period of my life and sometimes I don't know how I get up every morning.

          GreenMother, if it's not too intrusive of me to ask, please tell me what you have struggled with medically (Kos message me if that's better); it sounds strikingly similar to my life. The fatigue, the hormonal out-of-whackness, the total lack of physical energy and mental acuity, the depression, the weight gain... If you feel comfortable talking to me about what you have I would appreciate it. It would help me have a starting place to talk to a doctor and maybe get some actual help.

          I've been to different doctors three times since the kids were born, specifically to find a solution to this constellation of problems. They do a battery of tests, they always find me a point or two above the cutoff for low thyroid function, and that's the end of it. No treatment, I just go home and sink back into the mire.

          There have been a few days where I've seriously asked myself how much longer I can do this.

          It's really possible (and I think pretty common) to love your children more than life itself, and still have them suck the very life out of you. They just need a lot. Never in history have we expected one human being to raise children essentially alone. We've become stupider in that regard. I won't say we're "backward," because if we went backward, mothers (full-time parents) would have the help they need and historically have always had.

          Obamacare: That hopey-changey thing is working out great for me, thanks for asking.

          by LaraJones on Thu Jul 12, 2012 at 06:27:16 PM PDT

          [ Parent ]

          •  Lara, I will PM you in a moment but... (1+ / 0-)
            Recommended by:
            LaraJones

            I have read studies and discussions on medical sites that indicatethat some women have all the symptoms of hypothyroid issues, while being within a few points of Normal, or just at.  One puts it at 1 in 20 women develop hypothyroidism post pardum, most cases resolve by themselves, but not all.

            My tests are well within normal for the Thyroid, which did surprise me. However, I suspect that, had I been tested immediately after giving birth, it probably would not have been in the normal range.

            My condition: pre-existing lifelong Hypoglycemia. I have PCOS, which I suspect I had all along at subclinical levels, and the development of endometriosis.

            It took a while to sort all of that out. What keyed me in was reading about a condition called, Estrogen Dominance.

            The hormonal surges exacerbate the hypoglycemia significantly.  After reading many first hand accounts from other women with similar conditions, it appears there may be a much deeper connection between PCOS and Hypoglycemia--a sort of Chicken and Egg type scenario.

            The hormonal surges also drive my allergies as well. So it's real swell. ;)

            •  Ah, thanks so much -- (0+ / 0-)

              this makes sense. Can't wait to jump in and read the links you provided here. Your experience sounded like a documentary of my life the past few years... This is great info.

              And thanks again for sharing this diary. I'm so happy and relieved to have these things start to be out in the open and talked about. Your diary is a wonderful part of opening that door and getting things dealt with effectively. You go!

              (BTW, I've also had endometriosis. And I get physiologically upset and jittery when I don't eat regularly. My husband says, "Quick! Feed the beast!")

              Obamacare: That hopey-changey thing is working out great for me, thanks for asking.

              by LaraJones on Thu Jul 12, 2012 at 10:52:42 PM PDT

              [ Parent ]

              •  Well if you are getting the shakes, that is not (1+ / 0-)
                Recommended by:
                LaraJones

                good. And it can be dangerous for you.

                I would be careful around certain supplements. NAC, Lion's Mane, Cinnamon, {and I am sure there are others} can make your blood sugar go dangerously low.

                You see diabetes is such a health-fad right now. Any chubby woman is a prime target for any doctor to throw diabete's treatments at, with or without a test. Many doctors don't know what Hypo-Glycemia is or that it can exist outside the diabetic-condition.  I thought it was just me, but after reading another diary about someone with a child who has chronic Hypo-glycemia, I saw many posts that indicated there are issues with this diagnosis even in the medical community.

                You also want to avoid highly refined sugar and flour foods like doughnuts, or candy, potato chips--you know all the greasy good stuff. Because that will jack your sugar way up for a bit and then you will crash and burn.

                You want stuff that sticks to the ribs. You need protein and fiber, and good carbs.

                Watch out for Adrenal Exhaustion. That has a lot of the same symptoms as hypothyroidism.

                •  Good to know. (2+ / 0-)
                  Recommended by:
                  Alexandra Lynch, GreenMother

                  My OB tested me two or three times each pregnancy for diabetes, but I never had it. No blood sugar problems. But they were rather stuck on diabetes, it's true.

                  Thanks for the food tips. I did notice that I do a lot better with more protein.

                  Your mention of adrenal exhaustion made me curious -- I hadn't heard of it. I looked it up and came up with this list of symptoms -- scroll down about a third of the way down the page (http://thyroid.about.com/...). I have all but one.

                  Thanks to your information I can see there's more homework to do. Now I have somewhere to start with the doctor! Before, the doctor would say my thyroid function was "within normal limits" -- not giving me the level until I specifically asked for it -- and then I'd be out of ideas. Didn't know what to ask for or bring up that would ring the doctor's bell and get me some help.

                  I'll let the thread go back to its main topic here. But thank you so, so much for this diary and the information you've provided. You've given me hope that things can finally be better, with time and treatment and effort. Cheers to you GreenMother.

                  Obamacare: That hopey-changey thing is working out great for me, thanks for asking.

                  by LaraJones on Thu Jul 12, 2012 at 11:41:26 PM PDT

                  [ Parent ]

                  •  Lara, if you have more questions, don't worry (1+ / 0-)
                    Recommended by:
                    LaraJones

                    about the thread. This is important. I am perfectly capable of carrying on several conversations on this whole thread. It's all good.

                    You might have to fight to get the tests you want. And you may end up shopping for a second or third opinion. Women can go years being misdiagnosed with these issues or worse just having them ignored while she gets sicker and sicker [and often heavier].

                    •  Good, I didn't (1+ / 0-)
                      Recommended by:
                      GreenMother

                      want to hijack the thread too much. No worries about your capability of carrying on several conversations simultaneously.

                      Thanks for the encouragement. Yes, I might need to fight for the tests. You explain to the doctor how bad you feel, all the time, and he/she just doesn't understand how low your quality of life has become. Now that I have more information there'll be whatever fight there needs to be, eh?

                      Obamacare: That hopey-changey thing is working out great for me, thanks for asking.

                      by LaraJones on Thu Jul 12, 2012 at 11:55:42 PM PDT

                      [ Parent ]

          •  You can be hypothyroid FOR YOU (2+ / 0-)
            Recommended by:
            GreenMother, LaraJones

            while showing as normal.  If you take thyroid and don't need to, the symptoms are unpleasant and obvious, and you'll want to quit. If you still have the issues, then press the doctor and get meds.

            When you come to find how essential the comfort of a well-kept home is to the bodily strength and good conditions, to a sound mind and spirit, and useful days, you will reverence the good housekeeper as I do above artist or poet, beauty or genius.

            by Alexandra Lynch on Thu Jul 12, 2012 at 11:43:04 PM PDT

            [ Parent ]

          •  I wasn't saying mothers suck at mothering (1+ / 0-)
            Recommended by:
            GreenMother

            I was saying society in general doesn't look after mothers - help them get rest, heal, etc. I'm a good mother, but could have used more help and attention when I was just getting started. Not unwanted advice, but real help.

            Mothering the mother.

          •  Great comment! (2+ / 0-)
            Recommended by:
            smalakoff, GreenMother
            Never in history have we expected one human being to raise children essentially alone. We've become stupider in that regard. I won't say we're "backward," because if we went backward, mothers (full-time parents) would have the help they need and historically have always had.
            Not that it helps anyone right now, but this has happened in large part because people no longer live and work in the same place. And that happened because of fossil fuel powered mobility.

            As fuel prices go up, the world will have to re-localize: not many people will be able to afford long commutes to work; foods that come from very far away will be expensive luxuries again, as they were for our grandparents and great grandparents. People won't be able to afford to fly around the country to visit relatives, and relocating for new jobs will become less automatic. Large parts of the country will be uninhabitable because nothing can be grown there in a global warming future.

            The more conscious we can be about re-localizing and regrowing all the local human and food capital we lost in the oil era, the less painful it will be.

            •  I agree. The big thing I would be wary of is this: (1+ / 0-)
              Recommended by:
              atana

              Make sure as people localize, that they do not loose access to a good educational opportunities.

              We don't want a cellular structure in this country made up of tiny communities of barely educated yocals.

              Just because I stay at home with the kids, doesn't mean that I am ignorant, or that I have no interest in furthering my education, or that I lack other skills.

              But I encounter that mentality from people who assume my SAHM status means those things, but I also encounter people who are very turned on by their notion that *IT should be that way.

              Re-localizing is good, but only so long as we keep the doors to education and intellectual stimulation WIDE open for men, women and children.

  •  The greatest luxury is time (9+ / 0-)

    I'm not a wife or a mother and one thing I notice about my friends who are is that literally ALL of their free time is subsumed into the needs of their families.  If they get an hour or two a month, that is a lot!

    Otherwise, they are on a huge merry-go-round of chores, family time, cleaning time, child time, errand time, work time, laundry, cooking, picking up the house - until they collapse at the end of the day, deal with the child's nightmare's, ear infection or simple dislike of bed - and start all over again.

    More than one friend who is a parent and works outside of the home has confessed to me that work is an absolute snap compared to parenthood - just the delight of getting into work clothes and going into an office where the tasks are manageable and specific.  

  •  I wish there had been (6+ / 0-)

    an internet back in the day when I went through this.
    Baby Brain. A little detail they didn't cover in Dr. Spock.

    "There's a crack in everything; that's how the light gets in". Leonard Cohen

    by northsylvania on Thu Jul 12, 2012 at 02:11:14 PM PDT

    •  Don't feel bad. Even though I had the net and the (5+ / 0-)

      phrase--it still didn't help. People would say you had "Baby Brain" and then give you some maddening smile, like, "Aren't you a whiddle cutesy mommy-ga gah gha gah gah...."

      At which point I had to refrain from smacking the shit out of them right then and there.

      It didn't feel sympathetic at all. It felt alarmingly like they were expressing some bizarre form of schadenfreude for some reason I cannot discern?

      For having sex?
      For being married?
      or just being female.

      I don't know--but it felt an awful lot like, "I guess we showed her..." For the life of me it felt a lot like hazing, like just going through it wasn't enough, someone had to come and rub your face in it on a daily basis.

      And I noticed that it was mostly from other women and that they also unleashed this attitude on still yet other women.

      It sucked.

      •  Ugh (2+ / 0-)
        Recommended by:
        GreenMother, Alexandra Lynch

        Condescending, much?  I'm surprised you didn't smack them.

        •  Well I had double the usual self control, after (5+ / 0-)

          I had to over compensate for the hormones ;)

          Maybe I am just weird. I don't like to play, who's the biggest victim. I would rather approach a sad story with,
          How can we alleviate some or all of this problem?

          People feel how they feel. If a woman feels tired and sad after having a baby, or feels overwhelmed or ignored when raising a family, I can respect that.

          And if she feels on top of her game and that all the pieces of her life are coming into place and she is ecstatic, then I can celebrate that too.

          Different strokes for different folks.

          I just believe that our culture could be more supportive of caregivers, and especially of mothers.

          That many of the bad choices women feel forced to make are contrived by institutions or people who are being unnecessarily difficult or even punitive. And that these forced, false choices are making women choose between mothering and providing in a way that is both unnecessary and punitive.

          We can do better. But I say that we--as a culture can do better and that is true in a multitude of ways.

  •  It's diaries like this (1+ / 0-)
    Recommended by:
    GreenMother

    That make me glad I never had kids.  I'm not strong enough, and I would have made a terrible mother.

    "We *can* go back to the Dark Ages! The crust of learning and good manners and tolerance is so thin!" -- Sinclair Lewis

    by Nespolo on Thu Jul 12, 2012 at 03:13:29 PM PDT

  •   I have one kid. (2+ / 0-)
    Recommended by:
    GreenMother, lorzie

    I love him to death, but more? I'm not that noble.

    http://otherwise-occupied.tumblr.com/ @OOccupied

    by jvantin1 on Thu Jul 12, 2012 at 03:43:16 PM PDT

  •  Whenever you hear a Pub talk about "family values" (3+ / 0-)

    ask him if he supports economy policies that allow one worker to support a stay-at-home spouse during the first five years of a child's life.

    That's the only "family value" that matters to me.

    In Norway, parent can split 13 months of paid leave at 80% salary, or 10.5 months at 100%. Mothers are required to take at least 3 weeks before birth and 6 weeks after. 12 weeks are reserved for Dad.

    P.S. despite the  struggle and sacrifice, one or two kids are worth the effort. Accidents aside, more than two is just crazy (or an exercise in vanity).

    Have you noticed?
    Politicians who promise LESS government
    only deliver BAD government.

    by jjohnjj on Thu Jul 12, 2012 at 07:15:54 PM PDT

  •  The Republicans want to do that to girls and women (2+ / 0-)
    Recommended by:
    GreenMother, LaraJones

    Whether they want to or not, without any help from anyone except the father, who may be abusive and dangerous.

    Notice how they try to stop anything that would help mothers, and yet try to push girls and women into being mothers.

    Anything to make it so that girls and women are easy prey, easy to use, abuse and kill for fun and profit.

    Our society is very sadistic toward mothers.

    Women create the entire labor force.

    by splashy on Fri Jul 13, 2012 at 08:53:48 AM PDT

    •  Oh yea, and I have had this discussion before, in (1+ / 0-)
      Recommended by:
      LaraJones

      another time and place. I happen to agree completely. If you can enslave a woman entirely to her reproductive process and then lock her down with some kids [and no help], then you can silence her. You can disrupt her work and her education, you can cut her out of the democratic process.

      It's super-easy. Pregnant women and women with multiple children are often too busy and over-wrought to give a flying fuck about who is screwing what up, on the hill.

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