As the summer days heat up and the election nears, our flawed cyborg ratchets up the rhetoric, aided by a teleprompter. I mean, really: you can't expect him to speak from the heart now, can you?
No, like any automaton worth their hardware, Mitt reads everything put in front of him including "end of quote" with the same robotic warmth you'd expect from your car's navigation system telling you to turn right in 800 feet.
Don't look to his campaign staff to "humanize" him anytime soon. They know better than to speak up or suggest an idea or propose an alternate strategy. When the boss is a petulant guy with a short fuse who likes to fire people, the only answer to any question is "yes, sir" or "right away, sir", followed by your quick little footsteps.
Mitt's always right; you're always expendable. Those of us who've been run off the road by Bain know this story very well.
Buoyed by his fundraising success (which he mistakenly accepts as evidence of his personal worth, rather than evidence of the depth of fear and loathing of the current White House occpant), Mitt is revved up and in full-pander mode. What this means for us is a summer filled with blockbuster flaws. Grab some popcorn and a cold drink, and enjoy!
As I've mentioned before, it takes a village to fully document Mitt's innumerable flaws, so please feel free to add any additional flaws in the "comments" section below. Extra credit will be awarded for those conveyed in poetical form.
A is for arrogance, Mitt thinking, “hey!
I’m the king of the world! They must heed what I say!”
B is for Bain, where Mitt labored long past
’99, when he told us those days were his last
C for the Caymans where profits were stashed
While Mitt looted good firms and the workers were slashed
D for the dynasty Mittens began
Pretty wife, handsome sons; he’s a heck of a man
E for the earnings on 401(k)
Mitt’s are higher than mine! I guess crime just might pay
F for Mitt’s father, who turns in his grave
When he sees Mitt ignore the advice that he gave
G for the gardeners who cared for Mitt’s lawn
Now with self-deportation, I fear they have gone
H is for hate-speech; Mitt’s found his new voice
Now smarmy dog whistles are his phrase of choice
I, IRS, where Mitt’s doctored returns
Show some numbers, but probably not what he earns
J is for jobs that he claimed to create
(For forensic accountants – oh, boy! I can’t wait!)
K is for karma; she can be a bitch
When she sees malfeasance from those who are rich
L for the law which Mitt likes to evade
“It wasn’t for ‘moi’ that these rules have been made!”
M for the money his donors have paid
To fend off Obama of whom they’re afraid
N, NAACP people who booed
For without their healthcare, they would really be screwed
O for outsourcing which Mitt pioneered
Now it’s come back to haunt him, just as he had feared
P is for pandering; promising stuff
Just to win people over: enough is enough
Q for Queen Ann who just cannot hold back
On a snarky remark or sarcastic attack
R for racism; Tea Party says “whew!
Mittens hates brownish people as much as we do!”
S, SEC where Bain’s filings reside
And they don’t jive with Mitt’s; could somebody have lied?
T for Tea Party whose votes Mitt must win
With the help of Ted Nugent who wallows in sin
U, undecideds: what’s not to decide?
Vote Obama! He’s on the American side!
V for the vetting for Mitt’s future veep
Until someone emerges, we won’t hear a peep
W for wealth; Mitt has more than he’ll need
But he still wants some more; he’s enslaved to his greed
X for the x-rays of Mitt’s missing heart
Replaced with a bank vault that’s state of the art
Y for the yield on investments that Mitt must unwind
If he wants us to think that his trust’s really blind
Z is for zero, for that is the chance
That Mitt will be doing a victory dance
If you've read this far, here's some special bonus material to keep you entertained a little while longer ;-)