From the GREAT STATE OF MAINE…
Friday Margaret and Helen Blogging
Checked in yesterday to see what's been pushing the blogosphere's most feisty 80-somethings' buttons lately. And if I may say…stand back:
Margaret, for the life of me I cannot understand how Republican politicians can be so fixated on telling women what we can and cannot do with our bodies but then be so incensed that we would actually use the medically correct term to describe our front butt. Yes. Front butt is what my granddaughter called it until her mother instructed her to call it by the more appropriate term, pee pot. I, of course, corrected both of them and called it her num num. Of course I’m being silly Margaret, but this war on women that the Republican Party has waged has risen to the level of absurdity.Margaret responds:
It’s a vagina. I have one. 154 million Americans have one. 197,000 soldiers have one. 111,000 police officers have one with a badge. When surveyed, all the Republican women who hold elected office reported having a vagina. I’m pretty sure Sarah Palin has a red, white and blue one. … For the record men don’t have one. They talk a great deal about them and pass a whole lot of legislation pertaining to them, but at the end of the day they have a wee wee not a hoo hoo. …
I’m sorry Margaret. I know that I am making you uncomfortable with all this talk about lady parts. But my vagina is now over 80 years old and it is pretty damn tired of a bunch of jackass politicians treating it like a second-class body part. I heard Representative Brown participated in a reading of the Vagina of Monologues outside the Michigan Statehouse. Well I say good for her. Here is My Vagina Monologue: My vagina is an octogenarian. It won the right to vote in 1920. In 2012 my vagina is going to put that right to good use. I mean it. Really.
You’re not making me uncomfortable dear. I have always called it a vagina. My mother called it her gift. Howard calls it Around Town Sally Brown which I have never understood. No. I am with you on this one Helen. I would be all for a Million Vagina March as long as it doesn’t go too far and I am home in time for my programs.Read it all here. And someone tell the Pulitzer committee they need to start recognizing bloggers. Specifically, 80-something bloggers with hoo hoos. Your west coast-friendly edition of Cheers and Jeers starts below the fold... [Swoosh!!] RIGHTNOW! [Gong!!]
Cheers and Jeers for Friday, July 13, 2012
Note: It's Friday the 13th. What's with the hockey mask, Mother?
By the Numbers:
Days 'til the end of the world (Dec. 21): 161
Days 'til the 59th annual Robin Hood Festival in Sherwood, Oregon: 7
Ridership on Amtrak's Portland-to-Boston Downeaster route during the last fiscal year, an all-time record and 4 percent increase over last year: 528,292
Number of years out of the last nine that Amtrak has set overall passenger records: 8
Percent of LGBT consumers who say they'll stick with a brand that they perceive as gay-friendly "even when less friendly companies may offer lower prices or be more convenient": 71%
(Source: Harris Interactive survey via MSNBC)
Years since Clarence Crane invented Life Savers: 100
Years since Clarence Crane sold the Life Savers trademark for $2,900: 99
NEW! Friday Joe Lieberman Wanker Walk Countdown:
Joe Lieberman will end his Senate reign of error in 186 days.
Puppy Pic of the Day: For the life of me I can't figure out why they call their site Cute Overload.
CHEERS to hangin' out on the porch with your fellow hippies. HEY NEW ORLEANS-AREA KOSSACKS!!! THERE'S GOING TO BE A MEETUP NEXT THURSDAY… Ahem, sorry. I forgot I don’t have to shout through the intertubes. Anyway, Kossack mlharges is hosting a NOLA meetup next Thursday. Here's details and stuff:
Will you be in New Orleans next week? Do you know about pie, SYFPH, meta, "noun my f'n verb Kos!" and all other things Orange? Then you're invited to a NOLA Kossack Meetup on July 19th at The Columns Hotel (3811 St. Charles Avenue) starting at 7:00 pm. Look for a table with the orange baguette you see above. Or perhaps just an orange on it. Anyway, come on by and say hi to your virtual neighbors see what's been going on with them lately.If you need more info, give mlharges a shout via kosmail. I can't make it down, unfortunately, but I'll be with you in spirit by toasting you with a rum and Coke and flashin' my boobs from our balcony. (Would it surprise you to know my neighbors have the cops on speed-dial?)
CHEERS to vulture journalism. I'm lovin' this! The buzzards are havin' a field day pickin' over the carcass of Mitt Romney's rotting "Baintastrophe." (Dibs!) If you're just tuning in, TPM's summary'll get you up to speed:
Democrats claim Romney should be held responsible for deals Bain conducted from 1999-2001 in which companies either went bankrupt or profited from outsourcing. Romney was listed in numerous SEC filings as sole stockholder, CEO and chairman of the board of Bain Capital and related firms during that period and his “principal occupation” was listed as a “managing director,” but Romney has insisted he had no day-to-day role during the period."I did not have managerial relations with that company!" Romney's defense is thin as his skin, of course, and there's a paper trail to prove it. So now the question becomes: does America want a president who made gobs of money by firing Americans and sending their jobs to China? Normal people will say no because he's Gordon Gekko on steroids. Republicans will say yes because he's not Obama. Come…let's all lift our index fingers and circle our ears together. The breeze will feel nice.
P.S. I wonder if Team America's uniforms were also made in China during the 2002 Winter Olympics that Romney lorded over. Because that would be bad.
JEERS to gubernatorial malfeasance. Last Saturday Maine Governor Paul LePage embarrassed our state by calling the IRS "the new Gestapo." Instead of apologizing, yesterday he doubled down by telling a reporter that, yes, he believes that the IRS is headed in the direction of killing people. So, being a somewhat concerned citizen, I called our local IRS office this morning and got this recording:
"Hello! It's a great day at the Internal revenue Service! For tax form assistance, press 1. For payment or refund information, press 2. For general questions, press 3. Or stay on the line and the next available representative will kill you…er, assist you, assist you!"See? Nothing to worry about. Stupid governor.
JEERS to petty politicians (sorry, is that redundant?). Forty years ago today, George McGovern---who turns 90 next Thursday---became the Democratic presidential nominee at the convention in Miami Beach. A few years back some secret Nixon tapes were released, revealing #37 as that rare breed of paranoid---the sore winner:
Several hours after the election, after 1:00am, when vote totals are known, Henry Kissinger calls Nixon to congratulate him on the landslide victory: "It's an extraordinary tribute," he said. [...] Then they go after the loser, George McGovern:What a, um, Dick.
Nixon: "You know this fellow, to the last, was a prick. Did you see his concession statement?" [...] Nixon says speechwriter Ray Price urged him to send McGovern a message that he looks forward to working with him and his supporters for peace in the years ahead.
Nixon: "And I just said hell no, I'm not gonna send him that sort of wire."
JEERS to taking the bait. Last night a headline appeared on The Drudge Report intended to distract the media from Mitt Romney's Baintastrophe (Again: Dibs!) by suggesting that someone who has no chance of being his running mate is a front-runner to be his running mate. And as of this afternoon, this was the lead sentence of the lead story at Yahoo News:
The Drudge Report ran a blaring headline late Thursday night reporting that sources within Mitt Romney's presidential campaign say Condoleezza Rice, who served as secretary of state and national security adviser under President George W. Bush, is a "front-runner" for the running mate slot.Which brings me to today's analogy: Drudge is to mainstream media as laser pointer is to cat. (Yes kids, that'll be on next year's SAT.)
CHEERS to portable suds. On this most important date in 1568, the Dean of St. Paul's Cathedral, Dr. Alexander Nowell, reportedly perfected a way to bottle beer by that glorious scientific method known as serendipity:
Dr Alexander Nowell, Dean of St Paul's is reputed to have discovered the benefits of bottled beer by accident. According the History of the Pint, the Dean had decanted some beer into a bottle for a fishing expedition in 1568. He lost a bottle in the grass and, "when he came upon it again quite by chance a few days later, found it was still perfectly drinkable"The news of bottled beer was hailed as a major breakthrough among the clergy. Try stashing a keg under your robe during morning prayers sometime and you'll see why.
CHEERS to home vegetation. Gonna be a hot, humid weekend 'round these parts (we're guessing the same applies in your parts too), and since the AC unit is next to the TV, well…resistance is futile. Rachel gets the ball rolling tonight at 9 when she dives back into the Bain pool. The weekend's best morning shows, Up! With Chris Hayes and Melissa Harris-Perry, would appreciate the company of your eyeballs. Your MLB schedule is here. ("Red Sox win the pennant! Red Sox win the pennant!") The Senior U.S. Open golf tourney---which I love because the roster is basically made up of legends---continues with the final two rounds. New DVD releases include crap, crap and crap, but that's okay---we're not interested in anything but Ernest Borgnine classics. On 60 Minutes: Apps for autism and a repeat of their Steve Jobs profile. And Sunday night: another zippy episode of Aaron Sorkin's The Newsroom.
And here's your Sunday morning lineup:
Meet the Press: Sens. Dick Durbin (D-IL) and Jon "Not Intended To Be A Factual Statement" Kyl (R-AZ) debate taxes and the Affordable Care Act; roundtable with increasingly isolated tax loon Grover Norquist, NAACP head Ben Jealous, Watergate guy Bob Woodward, and auto-pilot pundits Mike Murphy and Hilary Rosen.Happy viewing!
This Week: Rahm Emanuel; Sen. Kelly Ayotte (R-NH); Carville & Matalin do their tired opposites-attract schtick during the roundtable with George Will, Matthew Dowd and Donna Brazile. I'm actually glad that Time Warner Cable has taken our ABC affiliate off the air in a contract dispute so I won’t be tempted to tune in and waste time on this dreck.
Face the Nation: Medicare/Social Security hitman Rep. Paul Ryan; Obama Deputy Campaign Manager Stephanie Cutter and Romney flack Kevin Madden; economic roundtable with Mark Zandi of Moody's Analytics, TIME's Rana Foroohar, John Fund and Robert Reich; political rountable with Frank Rich, Michael Gerson, Norah O'Donnell and John Dickerson.
Bill Moyers & Company (link): financial expert Sheila Bair on "the lawlessness of our banking system and the prognosis for meaningful reform"; scientist and philosopher Vandana Shiva, on the global battle over genetically modified seeds.
Washington Week: Michael Duffy of TIME, Lori Montgomery of The Washington Post, Alexis Simendinger of RealClearPolitics, Reuters' Sam Youngman.
Fox GOP Talking Points Sunday: Republican Gov. Terry Branstad of Iowa and Republican Gov. Rick Scott of Florida on how to flip their states from blue to red (but No Democratic governors in red states are invited to speak about how to flip their states from red to blue---funny how that works); Karl Rove vs. Joe Trippi; roundtable with Bill Kristol, Jeff Zeleny, Juan Williams and Fred Barnes.
Seven years ago in C&J: July 13, 2005
JEERS to spoilsports. Pope Benedict the Ratzinger forbids you---and you and you and you---from reading the Harry Potter books because they could corrupt young Christians. In other news, the corruption of young Christians by pedophile priests is expected to cost the Catholic church between $2-3 billion dollars in the U.S. alone. So remember: No Harry Potter!
CHEERS to the coming conquistalocustplague. Behold the faces of sin: the first gay marriage in Spain. The slouch to Gomorrah continues. And I wish I had their address so I could send `em flowers.
And just one more…
CHEERS to getting mad as hell and not taking it anymore. Sacre Bleu! Tomorrow is Bastille Day, commemorating the important lesson the French learned 222 years ago, but which we Americans still haven't: it is better for the government to fear the people than it is for the people to fear the government. Thus the French get a couple months of vacation, shorter work hours, universal health care, sick time, and a fresh beret every three months. We, on the other hand, get to work ourselves to the bone for zero vacation days, zero sick time, and the honor of having to defend anti-poverty, anti-sickness, anti-getting-screwed-by-rich-people programs that are perpetually "on the table" for cuts---please try to contain your enthusiasm. Tomorrow morning you'll find me propping a ladder up on our neighbor's bedroom windowsill, storming in, grabbing a pair of their underwear and sending it up the flagpole. Because we refuse to break our daily routine just because it's Bastille Day.
Have a great weekend. Um...but not you, Mitt. Floor's open...What are you cheering and jeering about today?