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This diary will be a parody of the very popular "Who's On First" routine, performed by the wonderful comedy duo Abbott and Costello.

If you've never seen it, check it out.

My parody won't be near as funny, but hopefully it will be enlightening.......

Voter:  Boy, I've been hearing a LOT about Bain Capital on the TeeVee lately.  I sure like to be up on the news, so I don't look dumb at the water-cooler........Can I ask you a few questions?

AK: Sure, go ahead.

Voter:  Who was the President of Bain Capital from 1999 to 2002?

AK: Mitt Romney

Voter:  Who was the CEO of Bain then?

AK: Mitt Romney

Voter:  Well, who was the Chairman of the Board?

AK: Mitt Romney

Voter:  Phew.  Okay, well then who were the shareholders?

AK: Mitt Romney

Voter:  Mitt Romney were the shareholders?

AK: Yup.

Voter:  Hmmmmm.  That's a lot of titles, huh?  How much did this Mitt Romney character pull in?

AK: Financial filings show that he made at least $100,000 per year.

Voter:  $100,000?  He must have had quite a work-load for that kind of money.

AK: First off, it was AT LEAST $100,000.  We don't know exactly how much he made.  Secondly, Mitt Romney claims:

I left any responsibility whatsoever, any effort, any involvement whatsoever in the management of Bain Capital after February of 1999 ... I went on to run the Olympics for three years I was there full time after that I came back and ran in Massachusetts for governor. I had no role with regards to Bain Capital after February 1999.

Voter:  No responsibility?  No role?  No effort?  No involvement whatsoever, for $100,000/year Sorry, AT LEAST $100,000/year??  I'd like that kind of job!!

AK: Me too.

Voter:  So Mitt Romney drew a salary for doing nothing?

AK: Well, he WAS saving the Olympics in Utah.  But THEY paid him too.

Like Mitt says "The more money, the merrier"

Voter:  Saving the Olympics in Utah??  I thought he was running a company in Massachusetts?  

AK: So did Bain apparently:

Bain Capital CEO W. Mitt Romney, currently on a part-time leave of absence to head the Salt Lake City Olympic Committee for the 2002 Games

Voter:  So, he got at least $100,000/year for working PART-TIME?!?!?!?

AK: According to Bain, yes.  

According to Mitt Romney, he got paid for nothing.

Voter:  So, at that time Bain held control of lots of companies.  Like Staples.  Who was on THEIR boards?

AK: Mitt Romney.

Voter:  Mitt Romney, Mitt Romney, Mitt Romney!!  

..................I feel like Jan Brady!!!

Voter:  Hey, that name sounds familiar.  Wasn't he the governor of Massachusetts?

AK: Play along.  Ask me right.

Voter:  Okay, who was the governor of Massachusetts?

AK: Mitt Romney.

Voter:  When was he governor?

AK: Who?

Voter:  Mitt ROMNEY!!!!

AK: Oh, from 2003-2007.  

Voter:  But I lived in Massachusetts, and their rule is you have to be a resident for 7 straight years before becoming governor.

AK: You do.  Unless you're Mitt Romney.

Voter:  But wait, how did he live and work in Utah, and claim residency in Massachusetts at the same time?

AK: Good question.  Mitt Romney said (under oath):

[T]here were a number of social trips and business trips that brought me back to Massachusetts, board meetings, Thanksgiving and so forth... [I] remained on the board of the Staples Corporation and Marriott International, the LifeLike Corporation [all Bain companies]

Voter:  But, he also said that he had no involvement in anything like that.

AK: Mitt Romney.  Oh, sorry......

Voter:  I'm confused.

AK: Join the club.

Voter:  So, if he was President, CEO, Chairman of the Board, and sole stockholder of Bain from 1999 to 2002, got paid at least $100,000/year, and made many business trips to Massachusetts, and went to board meetings, but still claims that he had no involvement in Bain whatsoever..................................

..............WHO RAN BAIN?

AK: I don't know!


Originally posted to AlyoshaKaramazov on Sat Jul 14, 2012 at 12:03 PM PDT.

Also republished by DKOMA, The Bain Files, and Community Spotlight.

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