A beautiful moment happened this day. I attended a wedding for a couple that lives in a nursing home. That is a first for me and I was left with tears in my eyes.
At first I thought perhaps it has been too long since I attended a wedding. Then I felt history in the making and then I felt the hope and faith that dwells within me.
This is not just a story about a nursing home wedding. Think about it. I could say so many things about it however I feel it is enough to say it gives way to sharing the attitude about nursing homes that still prevails to this day. It also lends itself to rethinking the entire nursing home persona. So, toad will jump on the nursing home lily pad and croak a few in your direction.
I cannot begin to even account for all the negative things I have heard about nursing homes in general. I am also aware that the recent movement to place people back into the community is a popular thing. For some that would be a great option. It appeals to those who have elderly parents that we worry over yet feel too guilty to put them in a nursing home and it lends credence to those people who truly do not belong in a nursing home setting however money becomes the divider along with indifferent family members or no family members at all.
As with many institutions of health care, there are good ones and there are bad ones. There are horror stories about hospitals and rehab centers (both physical mental). Of course the old saying that bad things/news travels faster and that lies are easier to believe than the truth prevail the scene in health care just like banks, businesses and etc. There are too many of the bad ones in the minds of society and the many many good ones go with no acknowledgement.
On behalf of the good things is why I am croaking now.
I have had the privilege of being a part of the nursing home community. In fact it was a nursing home that restored my faith in nursing again after corporate America took over. It was in a nursing home environment that I learned things I was taught while a student of nursing needed to be challenged. I was taught that is the last place one should work at. It was the worst job a nurse could put her/himself through. I am grateful for the wide variety of nursing I have challenged myself to experience however again, it was within the nursing home environment that I had a change of heart.
Here, tucked away in a New England town was a nursing home where I saw nurses and the caregivers joking with residents. Here was where I saw nurses taking the time to chat and share with the residents. I saw residents being active verses sitting in the home of a son or daughter-in-law hoping maybe one of the grand children could assist them to the bathroom. I saw residents with smiling faces and saw the smiling faces of the family members as well. I saw residents having all their needs taken care of with love and compassion and most importantly residents being treated with personal dignity.
I saw dietary managers and cooks and housekeepers interacting with the residents and working their magic to accommodate even the most seemingly ridiculous desires.
I saw elderly people who were isolated from the world no longer isolated taking trips with others and always with a caregiver to meet their every need. I saw elderly people who were too afraid and too worried about how they were going to manage when they could not drive anymore to get groceries and the neighbors were leaving for a vacation and thus just make do turn into happy seniors. I saw and heard many a story of the lives these folks lived because they were relaxed enough to share pictures and tell their life stories verses worrying about their future to the point of wishing death.
So just when one would think that a nursing home is the last stop, the end of the road or the final moment along comes a wedding. A wedding where two people who lived full and wonderful lives met in a so called nursing home. A wedding where two people decided with what time they do have left they wanted to be together. Who would have thought that? I croak with amazement my own damn self. Who would have thought that a nursing home would be a beginning, a new journey, a symbol of hope?
To my educators of days gone by I will croak that you should have been more objective in your teachings about nursing homes. To families I will croak don't let pride and social pressure tell you to keep your beloved family member sitting alone day after day while you work is better than being with others they can relate to or just have the peace of mind that they don't have to worry about cooking dinner.
To the pessimists and the glass is half empty folks I croak look forward with hope and realize that love does exists even when you are older and does not have the trappings of relationships of younger counterparts. I croak the kudo's to the nurses and caregivers and the activity folks, therapists and every worker who kept love alive in the hearts of the forgotten ones to make a difference. The love that begets love and the promise of a new day. The love that reinforces this toad to feel happy and croak and croak and croak that all is not lost in this crazy world. The love that gives a deeper meaning to life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness. Ribit- I'm done!