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pen on paper: 'Dear diary'
 
Hello again, human diary. It is I, Mitt Romney, your better.

This really is no fun anymore. I do believe these people are serious in their insistence on wanting to know more details about how I made my vast fortune. We have sent out surrogate units to respond by suggesting that the president is acting insufficiently American, since questioning wealth is one of the least American things we can imagine, but so far the results are quite mixed. Even some of the units on my own side have been not on my side.

If questioning the national authenticity of the president is insufficient, and if threatening to perhaps make that Sarah Palin person our vice presidential nominee if everyone does not immediately silence themselves is insufficient, and if asserting that whatever may have happened during those irritating years retroactively did not happen after all is also insufficient, I am at a loss as to what our campaign should do next. While I am surprised myself to be saying it, Mr. Diary, this now seems above the level that merely blowing bubbles or honking bus horns can deal with. It does not even seem the sort of thing that the Super PACs can help with, although perhaps they will surprise me.

All I can do is keep reminding the commoner units that I, as a unit of great wealth, understand what it is like to want money very badly, and that they should therefore vote for me as the American thing to do. Surely, we are not so cruel a nation as to truly subject a wealth unit to the same scrutiny that other, less wealthy candidates are given. Even imagining such a thing is frightening.

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