It’s a compelling vision of the future, you have to admit.
In the aftermath of the latest crazy-guy-shoots-a-bunch-of-people-for-no-reason incident, the dreamers are inviting us once again to share their dream. Like John Lennon, they ask us to set aside our cynicism for a moment and dare to imagine a bright, golden future devoid of all the ills of today’s sick society. A future they say is attainable if we could all just come together and agree to pack heat.
Some say the conservative movement, by definition, has no vision of the future. Conservatives are all about preserving what is, or even taking us backward. But when it comes to guns, the Conservatives are passionate idealists with a vivid dream of how things might one day be. Let’s call it Peckinpahtopia. And let’s indulge the dreamers by closing our eyes for a moment and using our imagination to see the future as they see it.
Imagine. Imagine all the people packing heat. Imagine walking down the street and knowing that virtually every person around you was armed. You would know that every woman’s purse or bag contained a handgun. The businessmen in their suits would all have shoulder holsters underneath, carrying the most expensive European guns which they would accidentally flash at clients and associates when reaching for their business card. Most of the rest of us men would carry our guns brazenly on our hips, the way real men used to do in cigarette ads. Our proud public guns would be the pedestrian equivalent of truck nutz. No man would want a little gun. Every man would want a .357 magnum, unless that’s no longer considered a big gun. A Desert Eagle, then, or whatever is biggest now and whatever ends up being biggest once guns become a fashion accessory for the male groin.
We would all be armed and we would all be ready to respond if anybody stepped out of line. Or cut in line. Or cut us off in traffic. Or cut our mic. Or did anything to upset us enough that our self-control was compromised for the two or three seconds required to draw and fire a gun. Imagine how exciting it would be. Imagine how much more intense reality TV would become. Talk about upping the stakes! And, of course, they’d have to bring back Crossfire.
Paradoxically, imagine how much safer we’d all be in real life. We’d become a nation of George Zimmermans, every one of us a crime-fighting hero on the lookout. Who would dare step out of line in such a world? Who would dare break into a home, or try to mug somebody, or rob a liquor store, or buy Skittles, or walk home in the rain, or have a bad attitude? We’d all be on our best behavior.
Imagine how careful you’d be to obey the law. What do you call that feeling you feel when you’re constantly preoccupied with avoiding transgressing in any way because it could provoke sudden, violent retaliation? I don’t know. Maybe there’s no word for that feeling; but you can imagine what a wonderful feeling it would be.
Imagine how safe you would feel. You’d always know that you were surrounded by vigilant Zimmermans. George Zimmerman would have your back everywhere you went. He’d be standing in line behind you at Starbucks, walking behind you on your way through the parking lot to your car, waiting patiently while you withdrew money from the ATM. Instead of a world full of strangers, you would live in a world full of strangers with guns. You’d always feel safe. And if for any reason you found yourself feeling unsafe? Remember, you have a gun, too. Feeling fearful? Unsure? The simple solution: draw first. Problem solved.
And if some nut-job tried to pull a stunt like this guy did in Aurora, Colorado, it wouldn’t go well for him at all. After setting off his smoke bomb and opening fire, he’d instantly find himself confronted with dozens of armed movie goers.
Imagine the scene. In the darkness of the movie theater, now filled with smoke, with a loud summer action movie playing on the screen above, potentially hundreds of men and women would draw their guns and defend themselves, blasting away at the attacker, who they would recognize because he would be the crazy guy shooting a gun in a movie theater. I wouldn’t want to be that guy.
In Peckinpahtopia, we wouldn’t have to worry about tragedies like the Aurora movie theater killings. Instead of waiting helplessly for the police to arrive, a theater full of Zimmermans would rise up and stand their ground and the situation would quickly be controlled. For the police, there would only be the paperwork. Imagine how much safer and easier life would be for police officers in Peckinpahtopia!
Would there be any such thing as terrorism in Peckinpahtopia? I’m reminded of a cartoon that was forwarded to me by relatives after the September 11 attacks. It showed the 9/11 hijackers, armed with their box cutters, surrounded by angry airline passengers all armed with handguns of various sorts. The caption said something like, “What would have happened if Americans were truly free to bear arms.” The logic is hard to dispute. Surely things would have gone differently on that day if people were allowed to carry loaded guns onto airplanes. The hijackers wouldn’t have had a chance with their silly little box cutters. You may not like the conclusion, but I don’t see any flaw in the logic here. Air travel would obviously be safer if we all carried loaded guns with us on the plane. What would the terrorists do then? They’d have to completely rethink their approach to in-flight mayhem.
By now you should see why this vision of the future is so appealing. But, like all utopian dreams, isn’t it an unattainable fantasy? Incredible as it may seem, such a future is not that far away, and it might not be that hard to fulfill the vision. Just ask the citizens of Kennesaw, Georgia. Since 1982, they’ve had a law on the books that requires every head of household, with a few exceptions, to keep a firearm. Other municipalities, like Virgin, Utah and Geuda Springs, Kansas have since followed their lead. Most states make it easy to carry a firearm, either openly or concealed. At least 37 states are “shall issue” states that quickly provide concealed weapons permits to any applicant that meets basic criteria. Three states, Alaska, Arizona and Vermont, allow their citizens to carry concealed handguns with no need of a permit at all.
So you can see that Peckinpahtopia is not some distant, impossible ideal. Some might say we’re already half-way there. And in the aftermath of the tragedy in Aurora, maybe it’s time we all joined the dreamers, and imagined a world with more guns.