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Last night, Stephen Colbert delved into the Chick-Fil-A controversy over their CEO's anti-gay stance and mocked some of their defenders for their unintentionally hilarious arguments.

Now, I think Chick-Fil-A has stumbled upon a new strategy to help struggling businesses in this down economy.  Just associate your product with a divisive political position, and then wait for the cash to roll in.  Hey La-Z-Boy, why not run ads that say:

(shocked audience reaction)

Or... oh yeah, get upset about it.  That's what they want.  Get upset about it.  Or here's a free one for Pringles.

Get mad, get mad, get mad!

But folks, we must not lose sight of what this is really about: oppression.  Right, some guy?

TODD STARNES, FOX NEWS RADIO (8/1/2012): So let your voice be heard.  Stand up to the hate and intimidation.  And remember, the best defense against anti-Christian, anti-chicken, left-wing, heterophobic bigots is a Chick-Fil-A sandwich.
Yes.  For too long, not-gays and their chicken allies have been demonized by heterophobic bigots.

Well folks, I will not hide any longer.  I don't care if this costs me advertisers.  Nation, I'm... straight.  (audience applause throughout Stephen's "confession")  There, I said it!  I feel free!  That's good.  And you know what else?  Those people I live with aren't my roommates!  They're my wife and kids, and we love each other!

Now, I'll admit... I'll admit there was a time when I hid the fact that I wasn't gay.  Of course, the clues were always there: the pleated khakis, my love of Nickelback.  But today, today I say guilty as charged.  And I am proud to shout, "We're straight, we're great... you're used to it."

....

Now, as a practicing Christian in this modern fallen world, it can be hard to explain why I still go to church.  And that's why I want to say, thank you Mike Huckabee, for cementing in the minds of non-believers just what my religion stands for.

Jesus, the only son of God, gave his life to redeem mankind by suffering torture and death, then rose from the dead in forgiveness of our sins, ascended into Heaven, and is seated for eternity at the right hand of the Father in fulfillment of the Scriptures.  You know, chicken.

(wild audience cheering and applause)

Video and full transcript below the fold.

But there are still troubling stories out there, like our ongoing friend chicken crisis.  This controversy has pitted brother against lower cholesterol brother.  It's like the Civil War, if you replace slavery with waffle fries.

Now for years, Chick-Fil-A has donated millions to anti-gay groups like the Family Research Council, the National Christian Foundation, and Exodus International, but always denied they were anti-gay.

Then, two weeks ago, Chick-Fil-A president Dan Cathy came out of the tolerance closet and said, "Well, guilty as charged."

No surprise there.  Dan Cathy is the farthest thing from gay.  Even his name is boy-girl.  (audience applause)

Of course, the chicken man's confession ran afoul... (audience groans in laughter) of advocates for gaying, who called for a boycott of Chick-Fil-A.

That's....  (object falls off screen)  Incoming... incoming missiles from Mars up there.

That's when former Arkansas Governor and walking fried food museum Mike Huckabee told Christians to fight back.

8/2/2012:

SUZANNE MALVEAUX: Mike Huckabee called on folks to show support by buying food at Chick-Fil-A.  He dubbed it Chick-Fil-A Appreciation Day. ... Chick-Fil-A has confirmed reports that yesterday was a record-setting sales date.

MIKE HUCKABEE: Record historic sales ... people stood in line for lengthy times, a lot of the stores ran out of chicken before the end of the day.

BILL O'REILLY: The folks have risen up, and Chick-Fil-A had its best day in history.

Or as chickens refer to it, the worst day in history.  Now, I think Chick-Fil-A has stumbled upon a new strategy to help struggling businesses in this down economy.  Just associate your product with a divisive political position, and then wait for the cash to roll in.  Hey La-Z-Boy, why not run ads that say:

(shocked audience reaction)

Or... oh yeah, get upset about it.  That's what they want.  Get upset about it.  Or here's a free one for Pringles.

Get mad, get mad, get mad!

But folks, we must not lose sight of what this is really about: oppression.  Right, some guy?

TODD STARNES, FOX NEWS RADIO (8/1/2012): So let your voice be heard.  Stand up to the hate and intimidation.  And remember, the best defense against anti-Christian, anti-chicken, left-wing, heterophobic bigots is a Chick-Fil-A sandwich.
Yes.  For too long, not-gays and their chicken allies have been demonized by heterophobic bigots.

Well folks, I will not hide any longer.  I don't care if this costs me advertisers.  Nation, I'm... straight.  (audience applause throughout Stephen's "confession")  There, I said it!  I feel free!  That's good.  And you know what else?  Those people I live with aren't my roommates!  They're my wife and kids, and we love each other!

Now, I'll admit... I'll admit there was a time when I hid the fact that I wasn't gay.  Of course, the clues were always there: the pleated khakis, my love of Nickelback.  But today, today I say guilty as charged.  And I am proud to shout, "We're straight, we're great... you're used to it."

But as good as this is for us Chick-Fil-A'ers, and chick-layers, the real winner in all of this is, of course, Jesus.  I mean, just think how happy he is.  After Huckabee called for his eat-in, churches bussed in parishioners, and congregations posted photos of themselves holding up bags of fried chicken at the altar.

Now, as a practicing Christian in this modern fallen world, it can be hard to explain why I still go to church.  And that's why I want to say, thank you Mike Huckabee, for cementing in the minds of non-believers just what my religion stands for.

Jesus, the only son of God, gave his life to redeem mankind by suffering torture and death, then rose from the dead in forgiveness of our sins, ascended into Heaven, and is seated for eternity at the right hand of the Father in fulfillment of the Scriptures.  You know, chicken.

(wild audience cheering and applause)

That's why starting now, folks, that's why starting here and now, I am replacing the Jesus fish on my car with something a little more meaningful.

We'll be right back.

Stephen and Jon also both covered the Mars rover Curiosity landing successfully.
Jon also looked at the hypocrisy of Judith Miller on Fox News talking about leaks from the White House, before pivoting to a Jason Jones piece where he interviewed fellow Kossacks Thomas Drake and Jesselyn Radack about Drake's whistleblower case!
Jon interviewed Project Runway's Tim Gunn, and Stephen had on folk legend Pete Seeger, who performed "Quite Early Morning".

Originally posted to BruinKid on Tue Aug 07, 2012 at 05:00 AM PDT.

Also republished by Electronic America: Progressives Film, music & Arts Group.

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