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Last night, Stephen Colbert really laid into Rep. Steve King (R-IA) for his stance on animal cruelty.

REP. STEVE KING, R-IA (8/1/2012): What I said is that we need to respect humans more than we do animals.  Whenever we start elevating animals up to above that of humans, we've crossed a moral line.  For example, if there's a sexual predator out there who has impregnated a young girl, say a 13-year-old girl, ... that sexual predator can pick that girl off the playground at the middle school and haul her across the state line, and force her to get an abortion to eradicate the evidence of his crime, and bring her back and drop her off at the swing set, and that's not against the law in the United States of America.
(shocked audience reaction)

What?!  That's not against the law???  Why not??  Maybe Congressman King should do something about that!  (audience applause)  What?  What?  I'm being told that all of that is against the law?  Well, bravo, Congressman, fast work.

The point is, point is humans do cruel things to each other, therefore they must be allowed to be cruel to animals.  Until there is no human suffering, it's olly olly oxen free on what you're free to do to your oxen.

....

I guess all Steve King is saying is that we shouldn't judge him for having impregnated that dog, and then taking it across the border for a forced abortion to protect the world from his monstrous glassy-eyed man puppies.

(howls of shocked laughter from audience)

Right?  Right??  I mean, that's gotta be what he's saying!  Because otherwise, I can't figure out what the fuck he's talking about.

Video and full transcript below the fold.

I don't know about you, but I have had it up to here with animal rights groups.  I mean, how endangered could the black rhino be?  Every time I go on safari, I bag one.  And spare me your phone calls, I use every part of just the horn.

Now, luckily, there's a hero out there who's not afraid to stand up to the puppy-huggers, Iowa Congressman and haunted ice sculpture Steve King.  Recently, King spoke out against new federal anti-dogfighting laws.

REP. STEVE KING, R-IA (7/26/2012): When the legislation that passed in the farm bill that says that it's a federal crime to watch animals fight or to induce someone else to watch an animal fight, but it's not a federal crime to induce somebody to watch people fighting, there's something wrong with the priorities of people who think like that. ... It's wrong to rate animals above human beings. ... I will not raise animals up above human beings.
Thank you.  If two consenting adults want to fight under the auspices of the WBA, why not two consenting dogs?  I mean, it's a classic Cinderella story.  A troubled young dog from a tough neighborhood looking for a way off the street heads down to the gym, and then chooses to enter the exciting world of dogfighting.  A mentor takes him in, teaches this dog everything he knows.  And when that dog feels ready, he enters the ring to prove to the world, and to himself, that he's got the talent and tenacity to be a winner.  Or a loser, in which case he is killed.  That's how Cinderella ends, right?  Bibbidi-Bobbidi-Boo.

Now sadly, King's words were twisted like the ballsack of a Rottweiler in a pitbull's jaws.  He was savaged by the "we don't enjoy watching animals being tortured for our amusement" brigade over at the Humane Society.  So Congressman King put his defense of dog fights in its true moral context.

REP. STEVE KING, R-IA (8/1/2012): What I said is that we need to respect humans more than we do animals.  Whenever we start elevating animals up to above that of humans, we've crossed a moral line.  For example, if there's a sexual predator out there who has impregnated a young girl, say a 13-year-old girl, ... that sexual predator can pick that girl off the playground at the middle school and haul her across the state line, and force her to get an abortion to eradicate the evidence of his crime, and bring her back and drop her off at the swing set, and that's not against the law in the United States of America.
(shocked audience reaction)

What?!  That's not against the law???  Why not??  Maybe Congressman King should do something about that!  (audience applause)  What?  What?  I'm being told that all of that is against the law?  Well, bravo, Congressman, fast work.

The point is, point is humans do cruel things to each other, therefore they must be allowed to be cruel to animals.  Until there is no human suffering, it's olly olly oxen free on what you're free to do to your oxen.

And folks, it's not just cruel things.  We're allowed to watch people have sex for money.  Why can't Steve King watch dogs have sex for money?  For that matter, why can't I watch Steve King have sex with a dog?  Stop putting dogs above Steve King!  I'm sure he'd be the top.  (shocked audience response)

I guess... I guess all Steve King is saying is that we shouldn't judge him for having impregnated that dog, and then taking it across the border for a forced abortion to protect the world from his monstrous glassy-eyed man puppies.

(howls of shocked laughter from audience)

Right?  Right??  I mean, that's gotta be what he's saying!  Because otherwise, I can't figure out what the fuck he's talking about.  We'll be right back.

Stephen also looked at how Fox News went after Gabby Douglas for supposedly not being patriotic enough.
He then looked at the clues about who Mitt Romney will pick for VP.
Meanwhile, Jon blasted people from both sides of the Chick-Fil-A controversy for being jerks, and looked at other stories in the news regarding fast food.
He then looked at Bain Capital's deal with Italy that pissed off the Italian people about Mitt Romney.
Stephen talked with Mark Shriver, who has a new book out about his father, Sargent Shriver, and Jon talked with Afghan refugee Saima Wahab about her experiences.

Originally posted to BruinKid on Wed Aug 08, 2012 at 05:00 AM PDT.

Also republished by Electronic America: Progressives Film, music & Arts Group.

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