For over a year I have been unhappy with my job, but powerless to leave it.
I haven't been unhappy with the hours I work, because I have the ability to set my own schedule.
I haven't been unhappy with the money I make, because I have made more money these last few years than I have ever made in my life.
I was unhappy because I didn't like the work that I was doing, and in the grand scheme of things I felt like I was working in an industry that is a big part of "the problem."
You see, for the last three years I've worked in investments. I followed a family member into the business with the promise of more money, better hours, and a more solid work-life balance for my family. And make no mistake, I got each one of those.
But the price I paid was fulfillment. Where I used to wake up every morning and look forward to the day ahead, wondering what new and exciting things awaited me that day, I now dreaded the alarm in the morning.
I walked away from something I had a true passion for and into something that I had no background in, no knowledge of, and no concept of how to do. Three years in, I still don't.
That's not to say I haven't been good at my job - I had a meeting with a client last night who let me know how much a few of the stocks I had recommended for him had made him. I have enjoyed the interactions with most of my clients. But that hasn't stopped me from feeling like a fish out of water most times.
And that has led to a lot of stress - stress that I haven't done a particularly good job handling. When I came to work for this firm, I had lost close to 100 pounds and was in the best shape of my life. Stress compounded with bad decisions has led me to gain about half of it back.
The stress made it home and nearly cost me my marriage by turning me into a person that I didn't like very much. (Not abusive, mind you, just overly grouchy and not a pleasure to be around.)
That was a wake-up call.
So I sought out counseling, trying to make sense of what I was feeling. And despite having benefits that aren't very good at all, they do offer tremendous mental health benefits in my company. Go figure.
The old me started to come back and I realized that what I needed was to get that passion back. To get back what I once had. And with the full blessing of my family, I made the choice about a year ago to get back into my old line of work.
Except I had no idea how. I had thought about possibly bridging the gap between my new line of work and my old line of work by opening a consulting firm, but I couldn't afford to lose medical insurance.
In the past, I had been recruited for jobs. I hadn't ever really had to apply. People sought me out and if the position was a good fit, I'd go. But now, I'd have to put my resume together and try to drum up some interest in hiring me.
The field is one where it's very difficult to get back in once you've been out of it. So applications flew out of my house, only to see the schools hire people who had far less years of experience than I have. They were just more "current" than I.
I couldn't begin to tell you how many applications I put out over the last year. The number was well over 50, and a good number of those was for jobs for which I was probably overqualified.
I managed to get a few interviews, but nothing panned out.
As I got more and more discouraged, I made the decision to try and make the best out of my current work environment as it seemed that I couldn't even get an entry-level position with ten years of experience. I decided to quit applying for jobs and just make the most of what I had, and if the right opportunity came along, I'd recognize it.
Within a week of making that decision, I was recruited to two jobs. After one didn't pan out, the second (which was my preferred one) did. I had a skype conference with them one morning, and then 45 minutes after it ended I was offered the job. Of course, I accepted the job immediately.
So next Friday, I'll turn over all of my clients to my partner (it's family, and I know they'll be taken care of well). I'll turn off my lights, carry out the last of my things, and get on the road Saturday to my new destination and the next chapter in my life.
I will be leaving my pregnant wife and two year-old daughter behind - hopefully our home will sell soon and they will join me, otherwise we will have to try and figure out a backup plan. I am going to stay with a friend in our new town for the time being. I have had to spend two weeks away from them before. This will be a difficult challenge.
But Monday morning, I will walk back onto a college campus, back into intercollegiate athletics, and back into a job that I truly love. I won't be a part of the Division I scene anymore - instead I'll be working at the Division II level. That feels more natural for my family, and personally, I'm looking forward to once again working with kids who view their time playing sports as a path to an education rather than a path to the pros.
The pay will be considerably less, but the benefits will be considerably better; and all of my tuition for my masters degree will be paid (and my wife can get hers at 50%).
Thankfully, as of right now, money is not an issue. Our health insurance isn't going to lapse (it ends here on the 31st and starts there on the 1st), the pay will be enough to pay the bills, and I have a supportive family that has pledged to help us wherever it is needed. From this community, I am asking for help, but help of a different kind.
The prolonged moving process - getting the house sold - is going to be a tough stretch. If you are the type of person who prays, please pray for me and my family. If you are the type of person who knocks on wood, please knock on wood for me and my family. If you could be reminded to just think positive thoughts for us every once in a while, it would be greatly appreciated. My wife and daughter are everything to me, and I am absolutely heartbroken knowing that I'm going to be away from them for just a little while. I know my problems aren't huge in the grand scheme of things, but they're just more than I'm used to. I need help to stay strong. I've told people I'd walk through hell in a gasoline suit for my family, and I think the sense of dread I have about being separated for a bit makes me feel like that walk is coming. As difficult as the short term will be, I know every day will be one step closer to having my family back together with me and it will all be worth it in the end.
We are hopeful that our house will sell quickly (Anybody need a 4-bedroom house in Grand Blanc, Michigan? Anybody?) and we will be able to fully embrace our new home in Arkansas. Thanks for taking the time to indulge me and read the diary.
Author's note: Feel free to add tags, as I don't know what tags are appropriate for a diary of this type.