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When I was caregiver for my Mom one of the things that helped me through was music. I had just discovered the music of Josh Groban and listened to him frequently. He has such a beautiful voice and I found listening to him calming. After losing Mom in 2010 I turned more and more to music to help me through the sorrow. One song in particular helped me. It was on Josh Groban’s debut album and was written by Richard Marx and Linda Thompson. The song is called To Where You Are.

Who can say for certain
Maybe you're still here
I feel you all around me
Your memory's so clear

I frequently dream of Mom and lately of Dad who we lost in 1999. In my dreams they are alive and young and well.

Deep in the stillness
I can hear you speak
You're still an inspiration
Can it be
That you are mine
Forever love
And you are watching over me from up above

When Dad died Mom said that her faith got her through. While I believe in a higher spirit I was no longer comfortable in her Catholic Church although I did go to Church with her since she didn’t like to go alone. An incident shortly after Dad died convinced me that he was still looking after me. I was stopped in a turn lane waiting for the turn arrow. There was a car in front of me and freeway traffic to the side. I suddenly saw a car in my rear view mirror swerve into the turn lane at a very high speed. There was no way I could get out of his way. He suddenly saw me in front of him and turned sharply and went onto the median. I could see him next to me shaking as I was shaking too. I knew that my Dad had a hand in preventing the accident.

Fly me up to where you are
Beyond the distant star
I wish upon tonight
To see you smile
If only for awhile to know you're there
A breath away’s not far
To where you are

I miss my Dad’s wonderful smile. I have a lot of pictures of him around my place but I miss seeing the smile live.

Are you gently sleeping
Here inside my dream
And isn't faith believing
All power can't be seen

I cherish the dreams with Mom and Dad.

As my heart holds you
Just one beat away
I cherish all you gave me everyday
'Cause you are my
Forever love
Watching me from up above

I learned so much from my Mom and Dad. As I was live blogging during Curiosity’s landing on Mars I was thinking of my Dad. He was the one who turned me onto the wonders of outer space. He and I watched anything to do with space. It was a bond between us.

And I believe
That angels breathe
And that love will live on and never leave

Dad was a physicist and mathematician. He was also very religious and used to joke with me that by now my guardian angel had probably had multiple nervous breakdowns trying to keep me safe.

Fly me up
To where you are
Beyond the distant star
I wish upon tonight
To see you smile
If only for awhile
To know you're there
A breath away's not far
To where you are

I know you're there
A breath away's not far
To where you are

The day after Mom died I went for a walk and suddenly decided I had to point the camera at the sky. When I came home I knew why when I saw the picture. I can’t prove Mom and Dad are watching over me but my heart tells me it is so. I know they loved me and I loved them. I know that our love will never die and that is the most important thing.


In New Mexico

Originally posted to CareGiving Kos on Wed Aug 08, 2012 at 12:52 PM PDT.

Also republished by Street Prophets .

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