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pen on paper: 'Dear diary'
Hello, human diary. It is I again, Mitt Romney, your better.

I have still been recovering from the last few days, which have been severely non-uproarious. Between the Mr. Bus incident, having to choose a vice presidential unit, and my opponent saying several rude things about me, I have been seriously considering abandoning this entire effort.

Looking for inspiration, I resorted to looking through my old tax returns. Looking at my tax returns never fails to reinvigorate me, and this time was no exception. "Observe," I said to myself. "According to this, you have perhaps paid as much as perhaps 13-point-something percent in taxes over these last years. Is that not cruel and outrageous, self?"

It is indeed cruel and outrageous. I remember now why I have not been creating any jobs in private industry for so many years. There hardly seems any point, if I shall only be able to keep 86-point-something percent of the resulting income. No one would purchase 86-point-something percent of a yacht, or tolerate having only 86-point-something percent of a private island.

During my required evening telephone call with the new vice presidential unit, he agreed with me that I was correct to be outraged, and reminded me that under his own tax proposals I would have only needed to relinquish zero-point-something percent. He was sorry that he had not proposed zero-point-zero percent, and said in hindsight that zero-point-zero percent was certainly an even better percent. I will admit that the conversation cheered me considerably.

I do not know whether or not I shall ever stop finding this vice presidential unit irritating, but his stance on the outrageousness of having to pay a 13-point-something percent tax rate certainly helps mask many of his other shortcomings. I also like his ability to explain why his past stances are not his current stances, and how his past stances were retroactively not his past stances. I also appreciate his convictions on the issues of budgets and how the details of budgets should not be disclosed except in quiet rooms, and only to other units of wealth, since only units of wealth can properly evaluate their obvious wisdom. I admit he is similar to me in many ways, only slightly smaller in chassis and considerably reduced in wallet.

He is beginning to grow on me, albeit slowly. I have begun to refer to him as Mini-Mitt.

Originally posted to Daily Kos on Thu Aug 16, 2012 at 06:00 PM PDT.

Also republished by DKOMA.

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