Skip to main content

pen on paper: 'Dear diary'
 
Hello, human diary. It is I again, Mitt Romney, your better.

I have still been recovering from the last few days, which have been severely non-uproarious. Between the Mr. Bus incident, having to choose a vice presidential unit, and my opponent saying several rude things about me, I have been seriously considering abandoning this entire effort.

Looking for inspiration, I resorted to looking through my old tax returns. Looking at my tax returns never fails to reinvigorate me, and this time was no exception. "Observe," I said to myself. "According to this, you have perhaps paid as much as perhaps 13-point-something percent in taxes over these last years. Is that not cruel and outrageous, self?"

It is indeed cruel and outrageous. I remember now why I have not been creating any jobs in private industry for so many years. There hardly seems any point, if I shall only be able to keep 86-point-something percent of the resulting income. No one would purchase 86-point-something percent of a yacht, or tolerate having only 86-point-something percent of a private island.

During my required evening telephone call with the new vice presidential unit, he agreed with me that I was correct to be outraged, and reminded me that under his own tax proposals I would have only needed to relinquish zero-point-something percent. He was sorry that he had not proposed zero-point-zero percent, and said in hindsight that zero-point-zero percent was certainly an even better percent. I will admit that the conversation cheered me considerably.

I do not know whether or not I shall ever stop finding this vice presidential unit irritating, but his stance on the outrageousness of having to pay a 13-point-something percent tax rate certainly helps mask many of his other shortcomings. I also like his ability to explain why his past stances are not his current stances, and how his past stances were retroactively not his past stances. I also appreciate his convictions on the issues of budgets and how the details of budgets should not be disclosed except in quiet rooms, and only to other units of wealth, since only units of wealth can properly evaluate their obvious wisdom. I admit he is similar to me in many ways, only slightly smaller in chassis and considerably reduced in wallet.

He is beginning to grow on me, albeit slowly. I have begun to refer to him as Mini-Mitt.

Originally posted to Daily Kos on Thu Aug 16, 2012 at 06:00 PM PDT.

Also republished by DKOMA.

EMAIL TO A FRIEND X
Your Email has been sent.
You must add at least one tag to this diary before publishing it.

Add keywords that describe this diary. Separate multiple keywords with commas.
Tagging tips - Search For Tags - Browse For Tags

?

More Tagging tips:

A tag is a way to search for this diary. If someone is searching for "Barack Obama," is this a diary they'd be trying to find?

Use a person's full name, without any title. Senator Obama may become President Obama, and Michelle Obama might run for office.

If your diary covers an election or elected official, use election tags, which are generally the state abbreviation followed by the office. CA-01 is the first district House seat. CA-Sen covers both senate races. NY-GOV covers the New York governor's race.

Tags do not compound: that is, "education reform" is a completely different tag from "education". A tag like "reform" alone is probably not meaningful.

Consider if one or more of these tags fits your diary: Civil Rights, Community, Congress, Culture, Economy, Education, Elections, Energy, Environment, Health Care, International, Labor, Law, Media, Meta, National Security, Science, Transportation, or White House. If your diary is specific to a state, consider adding the state (California, Texas, etc). Keep in mind, though, that there are many wonderful and important diaries that don't fit in any of these tags. Don't worry if yours doesn't.

You can add a private note to this diary when hotlisting it:
Are you sure you want to remove this diary from your hotlist?
Are you sure you want to remove your recommendation? You can only recommend a diary once, so you will not be able to re-recommend it afterwards.
Rescue this diary, and add a note:
Are you sure you want to remove this diary from Rescue?
Choose where to republish this diary. The diary will be added to the queue for that group. Publish it from the queue to make it appear.

You must be a member of a group to use this feature.

Add a quick update to your diary without changing the diary itself:
Are you sure you want to remove this diary?
(The diary will be removed from the site and returned to your drafts for further editing.)
(The diary will be removed.)
Are you sure you want to save these changes to the published diary?

Comment Preferences

Subscribe or Donate to support Daily Kos.

Click here for the mobile view of the site