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Last night, Jon Stewart covered the various ways the GOP is trying to suppress the votes of people who would normally vote Democratic in both Pennsylvania and Ohio.

As you know, and you well know this, in-person voter fraud is an enormous issue with more than exactly 10 documented cases of it in the entire country alone just since the beginning of the millennium.  That's 0.000000284% of all votes!

So you can see why Pennsylvania would want to enact a voter ID law that one study claims would potentially disenfranchise over 758,000 of that state's lawfully registered voters, or around 9% of the entire Pennsylvania electorate.  But that's the price you pay to prevent something that doesn't happen.

It's like how peanut butter is made with huge amounts of hydrochloric acid to dissolve any potential dragon bones that may have gotten into it during the manufacturing process.  Will you lose some people who die by eating hydrochloric acid?  Of course.  But isn't it worth knowing that your peanut butter is dragon bone free?

....

FOX NEWS (8/15/2012): It's a stunning decision from the Pennsylvania court.  The state's new tough voter ID law will not be stopped. ... The judge believes it will be carried out in a non-partisan even-handed manner.
Yes, of course!  This law, created specifically for partisan purposes will be carried out in a non-partisan even-handed manner.  Much in the way that Robosaurus

while created solely as an automobile-eating machine, will most likely valet park at your party with no foreseeable problems.

Why would it...?  Maybe I'm being too hard on the judge.  As long as voters are educated about the law in a non-partisan way.

RACHEL MADDOW (8/15/2012): The contract for the job of educating Pennsylvanians on the new voting restrictions was given to a man who has helped raise $30,000 for the Mitt Romney for President campaign.  He's also the former executive director of the state Republican Party.
"ROBOSAURUS HUNGRY!!  ROBOSAURUS SMASH!!!"

Well, I guess that does explain the new voter ID ad I saw in Pennsylvania.

VOICEOVER: What's up, Pennsylvania?  Guess who's coming to the Montgomery County's Bennigan's Amphitheater?  It's the Motor City Madman, Ted Nugent!!

MAN: Hey, fellow Pennsylvania Republicans.  Now that all the Democrats have changed the channel, here's some important voting information.  When you go to vote for Mitt Romney, bring photo identification.  It's required.  Oh, and don't tell any blacks or old people.  Farewell!

VOICEOVER: Paid for by People Who Want Mitt Romney to Win

(audience applause)

....

THOMAS ROBERTS (8/13/2012): The latest twist on this has Republicans in Ohio restricting early voting hours on Democratic counties, but extending early voting hours in the Republican ones.
(disgusted audience reaction)

Are you fucking kidding me??

"All Americans who want equal access to the vote, take two steps forward.  Not so fast, people who live on Martin Luther King Jr Boulevard South!"

....

Not surprisingly, this situation and Husted's rulings provoked a national outcry.

ASHLEIGH BANFIELD (8/15/2012): After heavy criticism, Ohio Secretary of State has just ordered that all 88 counties in that state have to abide by the same early voting rules.
"And I would have gotten away with it too, if it weren't for that meddling Constitution, and of course those kids in that van.  They really were the ones that...."

(in Shaggy voice) "Aw man!  It's like equal protection, dude!"

(in Scooby Doo voice) "Fourteenth Amendment!"

You know, two states... two states, two completely different means of suppressing Democratic turnout.  But here's the one thing they have in common.  The mechanisms of the vote are in the hands of partisan elected officials.  Perhaps it's time that we as a society took our cues from other highly-evolved democracies, and involve non-partisan election oversight.  Like they do in Mexico, Canada, India, and of course, Rwanda.

That's right, a place so terrible, Don Cheadle made a movie about a hotel there.

No, no, that's the other...

Yeah.  We gotta get our shit together.

Video and full transcript below the fold.

Now, America's demographics have changed dramatically in the past few decades.  There's two ways that a political party can react to that.  You could expand your appeal to a new field of voters by making their issues your issues as well, or....
KAREN FINNEY (6/2/2012): Tennessee passed a voter ID law.

MARC MORIAL (7/18/2012): ... Ohio ... Pennsylvania ...

BRET BAIER (3/12/2012): Georgia, Indiana, Kansas, and Wisconsin are allowed to require photo ID to vote.

JOHN ROBERTS (11/8/2011): It disproportionately affects Democratic voters.

MICHAEL ERIC DYSON (7/5/2012): These laws disproportionately affect minorities, the young, the old, and the poor.

The young, the old, the poor, minorities: the Four Horsemen of the Democalypse!  Which is why it's the subject of tonight's Democalypse 2012: Cockblock the Vote Edition.

(audience cheering and applause)

As you know, and you well know this, in-person voter fraud is an enormous issue with more than exactly 10 documented cases of it in the entire country alone just since the beginning of the millennium.  That's 0.000000284% of all votes!

So you can see why Pennsylvania would want to enact a voter ID law that one study claims would potentially disenfranchise over 758,000 of that state's lawfully registered voters, or around 9% of the entire Pennsylvania electorate.  But that's the price you pay to prevent something that doesn't happen.

It's like how peanut butter is made with huge amounts of hydrochloric acid to dissolve any potential dragon bones that may have gotten into it during the manufacturing process.  Will you lose some people who die by eating hydrochloric acid?  Of course.  But isn't it worth knowing that your peanut butter is dragon bone free?

Now, Pennsylvania has voted Democratic in the last five Presidential elections, and leaning towards Obama in this election.  It's not like this voter ID law is blatantly designed to skew that result, right, State House Republican Majority Leader that designed it?

STATE HOUSE MAJORITY LEADER MIKE TURZAI, R-PA (6/23/2012): Voter ID, which is going to allow Governor Romney to win the state of Pennsylvania, done!
"Lord knows we didn't want Romney running on the strength of his personality and policies, am I right people?"

And I'm assuming that the judge in Pennsylvania who's been asked to review it will see it as a partisan effort.

FOX NEWS (8/15/2012): It's a stunning decision from the Pennsylvania court.  The state's new tough voter ID law will not be stopped. ... The judge believes it will be carried out in a non-partisan even-handed manner.
Yes, of course!  This law, created specifically for partisan purposes will be carried out in a non-partisan even-handed manner.  Much in the way that Robosaurus

while created solely as an automobile-eating machine, will most likely valet park at your party with no foreseeable problems.

Why would it...?  Maybe I'm being too hard on the judge.  As long as voters are educated about the law in a non-partisan way.

RACHEL MADDOW (8/15/2012): The contract for the job of educating Pennsylvanians on the new voting restrictions was given to a man who has helped raise $30,000 for the Mitt Romney for President campaign.  He's also the former executive director of the state Republican Party.
"ROBOSAURUS HUNGRY!!  ROBOSAURUS SMASH!!!"

Well, I guess that does explain the new voter ID ad I saw in Pennsylvania.

VOICEOVER: What's up, Pennsylvania?  Guess who's coming to the Montgomery County's Bennigan's Amphitheater?  It's the Motor City Madman, Ted Nugent!!

MAN: Hey, fellow Pennsylvania Republicans.  Now that all the Democrats have changed the channel, here's some important voting information.  When you go to vote for Mitt Romney, bring photo identification.  It's required.  Oh, and don't tell any blacks or old people.  Farewell!

VOICEOVER: Paid for by People Who Want Mitt Romney to Win

(audience applause)

It's that subtle.  I wonder if he got that buffalo at a shelter.

But as ridiculous as this voter ID business is, it's not like Pennsylvania is doing something crazy, like giving Republican counties more time to vote than Democratic counties.  I mean, they're not crazy.

THOMAS ROBERTS (8/13/2012): The latest twist on this has Republicans in Ohio restricting early voting hours on Democratic counties, but extending early voting hours in the Republican ones.
(disgusted audience reaction)

Are you fucking kidding me??

"All Americans who want equal access to the vote, take two steps forward.  Not so fast, people who live on Martin Luther King Jr Boulevard South!"

Now, you may wonder how it'd even be possible for Ohio to divide up voting hours by how districts vote.  Funny story.  Ohio's county election boards each have two Republicans and two Democrats on them.  And the guy who breaks the tie in establishing hours is Ohio Secretary of State Jon Husted, Republican.  Guess who he's been siding with?  It's as fair as when your dad breaks the tie between you and your mom over whether you get to stay out all night drinking.  Except instead of staying out all night drinking, it's voting.

Maybe I'm missing something.  Secretary Husted, please explain how fewer people voting somehow enhances the democratic process.

JON HUSTED: I don't think the bar is too high there for anybody who really cares about the future of our country and wants to have their voice heard by voting.  We try to make it easy, but we can't... I say, we're not 7-Eleven.  We can't stay open 24/7 and let anybody vote by any rule that they want to.
"Surely we can't expect our Constitutionally guaranteed voting rights to meet the same high standards as a combination gas station/convenience store.  Need I remind you of their strict dress code?"

Not surprisingly, this situation and Husted's rulings provoked a national outcry.

ASHLEIGH BANFIELD (8/15/2012): After heavy criticism, Ohio Secretary of State has just ordered that all 88 counties in that state have to abide by the same early voting rules.
"And I would have gotten away with it too, if it weren't for that meddling Constitution, and of course those kids in that van.  They really were the ones that...."

(in Shaggy voice) "Aw man!  It's like equal protection, dude!"

(in Scooby Doo voice) "Fourteenth Amendment!"

You know, two states... two states, two completely different means of suppressing Democratic turnout.  But here's the one thing they have in common.  The mechanisms of the vote are in the hands of partisan elected officials.  Perhaps it's time that we as a society took our cues from other highly-evolved democracies, and involve non-partisan election oversight.  Like they do in Mexico, Canada, India, and of course, Rwanda.

That's right, a place so terrible, Don Cheadle made a movie about a hotel there.

No, no, that's the other...

Yeah.  We gotta get our shit together.  We'll be right back.

They then had a piece showing the correspondents in their own training camp to get ready for the RNC and DNC conventions.
Meanwhile, Stephen looked at the policies Mitt Romney and Paul Ryan aren't sharing with the American people yet, and had a good piece looking at the GOP Senate candidates who want to repeal the 17th Amendment so that we can no longer elect U.S. Senators.
Stephen finished up his concert series with the Flaming Lips, who performed "Ashes in the Air", and then "Do You Realize??" and "Drug Chart" exclusively for the web.  Jon had back on former correspondent Rob Corddry.

Originally posted to BruinKid on Fri Aug 17, 2012 at 05:20 AM PDT.

Also republished by Electronic America: Progressives Film, music & Arts Group.

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