A few months back I wrote a diary titled I feel like an Idiot. It was about my experience being in a controlling abusive relationship. I was surprised that so many people reached out to me and I really appreciated it. I felt like I found a community to reach out to, and I did, but being a single mom who works full time I didn't really have the time to keep writing. I'm usually exhausted by the end of the day, except for nights like tonight when I can't sleep. So I wanted to write to update where I stand.
One of my biggest issues was my ex and his mother still controlling my life even after we were divorced. We moved out to Colorado 6 years ago and it was never supposed to be permanent. But then we had our daughter and his parents moved out here from Wisconsin even though we asked them not to so I felt stuck. For years after L was born I asked to move back to WI to be close to my support system but no can do. I finally had to leave him because of physical abuse. For my daughters sake I have tried to stay on good terms with the ex and finally in May he agreed to move back to WI. He claimed he wanted to be close to the rest of his family as well. Then June came and he lost his job and had to move down to Denver to live with his parents from the mountains. Now my lease is up at the end of September and I have already made plans to move to WI. The ex has now decided he is staying in Colorado. He says he still will allow me to go with our daughter and is going to put it in writing. But of course the guilt is starting. I am taking her away from her dad etc. I haven't given Colorado a chance, blah blah. The thing is I am alone here. He is unemployed, living with his parents, and not paying child support. I am extremely depressed because I don't have a support system out here. He is not making us stay, but I am also torn apart because I don't want her to be so far from her dad. Is it fair that 1.5 months before we were supposed to leave that he changed his mind and I am getting guilt trips. Am I wrong for still leaving? Is it true that I need to go where I will be happy so I can be the best mentally for my little girl? Am I doing the right thing? Any suggestions? I feel like if I don't leave I won't be able to stop them from controlling my life. It's time to take my life back.