Let's face it, the Conventions start in a couple of weeks and you haven't prepared; you've got no-one to go with, and nobody to take you to all the 'in' places, introduce you around, and teach you the ropes. Well, FordCo. is here to help!
Using our extensive database, connections, and large amounts of alcohol, we have created a list of politicians/knowledgeable celebrities/wonks from all political parties to guide and protect you during these upcoming 'interesting' times. Simply; match up your birth month, date, and color shirt you're wearing RIGHT NOW and see who your special team will be! Good luck and enjoy the show!
(FordCo. makes no guarantees of... well, anything, and cannot be held responsible for... well, anything!)
(For those people born on June 9, and shirtless, our deepest condolences. Our advice is to start drinking, heavily)