Borowitz on Twitter:
"It would be nice to spend billions on schools and roads, but right now that money is desperately needed for political ads."
@BorowitzReport: "Austerity" is a word said mainly by people with a full stomach.
@BorowitzReport: Sarah Palin didn't read. Paul Ryan reads Ayn Rand. This round goes to Palin.
@BorowitzReport: As a general rule, it's a bad idea to talk about austerity if you just had a horse in the Olympics."
@BorowitzReport: When Tea Partyers say, "I want my country back," ask if they can identify it on a map.
@borowitzreport: Let's not let a bunch of cheap jokes about Ryan looking like Eddie Munster distract us from the fact he is a sociopath.
@BorowitzReport Romney wants to see America come back. I want to see Romney's bank accounts come back to America.
@BorowitzReport: Ryan is opposed to Obamacare and Medicare. Also, the word "care."
@BorowitzReport Ryan: "Trillions could be cut from the budget by eliminating empathy."
@BorowitzReport: RT @KimJongNumberUn: I remember Dad used to say, "I know people think I'm crazy and all, but I'm no Paul Ryan."Leaked memo from Romney to Ryan in the New Yorker.
Andy says Ryan is more boring than Romney but he could be wrong.
Not Borowitz but still amusing:The origin of R-money and [eeek] "Ryan" is an anagram of "Ayn R."
OK, who's funnier than Borowitz these days? This is a double dare.