Remember how closely and thoroughly the media combed through Candidate Barack Obama's religious background? They asked the questions. And when they didn't like the answers, they just made shit up?
That was fun.
Let's have a Pretend Press Conference where we get to ask Mitt Romney questions about HIS religion, and we'll apply the same standards the Media applied to Obama in 2008.
Where the questions are tied to actual Latter Day Saints Doctrine, as currently accepted and taught by the church, there will be links.
Let's begin. Imagine one reporter after another asking these questions of the God of a Planet to Be Named Later!
Governor Romney? We know you cannot reveal the secret name you were given at your endowment because that is how Heavenly Father Elohim will know you are the real deal when you get to the Celestial Kingdom. But why did Ann have to tell you HER secret name? And what are the rules about you sharing HER secret name with anyone else?
Governor Romney? Ann's secret Mormon name is the name you will use to resurrect her by. How does that work? What if she has the same secret name as, say, two million other dead Mormon wives who have been sealed to their husbands in a temple ceremony? Will they all rise, and then you have to pick which one was yours? What if you decide to pick someone different? Will Elohim know you're spoofing him?
Governor Romney? This baptizing dead people has us stumped. Suppose you're happy there in Jewish heaven, and you guys come along and whip a Mormon baptism on him? Does he get to stay in the Jewish heaven? Or does he have to move to yours?
Governor Romney? If you know that Kolob is the name of the star nearest to the planet where Elohim lives, why don't we also know the name of the planet? Is that a secret, too?
Governor Romney? Why is so much about Latter Day Saints dogma secret. The website says youkeep it secret because you don't want to be ridiculed. That smells like the same reason you give for not releasing your taxes. Do Mormons always hide their money?
Governor Romney? When they whisper into your belly button during the Temple Veil ceremony thing, what do they say?
Governor Romney? What happened to all the blacks that died in a state of sinful shame before the church recognized their worthiness in 1978? Did they all just get sucked out of the Telestial Kingdom and into the Celestial Kingdom?
Governor Romney, you were a missionary in France from 1966 to 1969 -- a decade before blacks were welcomed into the Mormon priesthood. What did you personally teach about the worthiness of black people in the years before God suddenly revealed to the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles that black people had evolved to where they were now considered to be worthy?
Governor Romney? What are blacks supposed to make of the statement that the church didn't change, blacks did? That somehow they had evolved to the point where they were worthy for the priesthood?
Governor Romney? All the videos about the Celestial Kingdom show it filled with pretty white people. Are blacks turned white when they die, like in the book of Nephi when the a group of Lamanites, black with the mark of Cain, joined the Nephites and turned white? Or don't blacks have the stuff to make it into the Celestial Kingdom? How many blacks do you estimate there are in the Celestial Kingdom?
Governor Romney? If the whole rift between Jesus and his flesh-and-blood brother Lucifer was over whether or not free will should be the free will to do good or evil, and only free will to do good, why were Lucifer and his followers cast into the "outer darkness" for exercising their "free will" to disagree with Elohim?
Governor Romney? Your doctrine says you will become God on your own planet as long as you keep the covenants and stay "temple worthy." What happens if you lose temple worthiness? Does Ann still get to go to the Celestial Kingdom? Or does she have to join your sinful ass in the gauche Terrestrial Kingdomor the ghetto-like Telestial Kingdom?
Governor Romney? If the ultimate goal is to become a God on your own planet, then why is Moroni only an Angel? He's the dude who showed Joseph Smith where the Golden Plates were. Why isn't Moroni a god, instead of just a measly angel, not that being an angel is anything to sneeze at, mind you?
One more question?
Governor Romney? Since it will be Ann's job to pump out the spirit babies for you so you can populate other planets in the universe you will lord over, can she take Rafalca with her so she has something to do when she's not having Celestial Sex with you as God and all that?
Thank you.