My friends, as you know there's a tropical depression brewing in the Gulf that threatens to disrupt that other tropical depression brewing in the Gulf...the Republican National Convention.
Now it goes without saying that any right thinking person hopes that Isaac never makes landfall and peters itself out offshore. That being said however, if God - in his infinite wisdom - does choose to unleash the Kraken upon the hapless Rethug delegates he must have his reasons...so, before Mitt Romney ties Todd Akin to the roof of Paul Ryan's Volvo and sends them both to Canada, I give you, 'neath the tempestuous swirling orange glyph of Isaac, my Top Ten reasons God Will Smite The RNC.
AAAAAND...reason number 10....
(10): Abraham brought the Rethugs into this world, Isaac will take 'em out...
HEEEEY!! Easy folks we're just getting started....
And a reason number nine...
(9): Because Rep. Kevin Yoder(R) peed in the Galilee!
Yeah, ya liked that one! Reason number 8...
(8): To prevent Joe Walsh from Hooking Up with Christine O'Donnell.
Moving right along reason number 7...
(7) Because he knows who shot up Super Hit!
hhhmph! critics....Raison nombre six...
(6) Sarah Palin talked him into it!
Number 5...
(5) On the off chance Dick Cheney will show up.
Now we're cookin'...number four...
(4) Because God loves Kenyan Socialists...
(3) To brush off the brown that'll be coming down...
(2) Because he had his retirement in GST Steel...
...and finally... your number one reason God will smite the RNC in Tampa...
(1) To show Elohim who is boss!!!
Coming up after the break: Stupid Elephant Tricks... take it away Paul...