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pen on paper: 'Dear diary'
 
Hello, human diary. It is I again, Mitt Romney, your better.

To report, today: A true stroke of brilliance on our part. I noted yesterday that my vice presidential unit had opined that, since I was the presidential candidate, I would be the person who would be deciding what my campaign position on abortion was. Reporters, therefore, became quite eager to discuss the matter with me and determine what our campaign position actually was.

Today, however, we simply told reporters that I did not wish to discuss what my opinion was on the subject, and that they were not allowed to ask me. Success! I should have thought of this earlier, as it also has worked to fair success on the subjects of tax returns, budgets, and what my opinion of my vice presidential unit might be.

In other news, my efforts to bond with the human citizens of this country continue to progress. Yesterday I invited a news-related person, Chris Wallace, into one of my vacation homes. To demonstrate my understanding of commoner etiquette, I  conversed with him while skillfully preparing a morning meal of delicious pan-fried batter disks. I had also heard commoner breakfast preparations were commonly associated with something called a walk of shame, so as he exited afterwards I told him that I hoped he would enjoy his walk of shame. He looked startled, but I believe I did detect significant shame in his mannerisms as he departed.

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