It never goes well for them. Ever.
Here is the latest failed attempt: an interview in Parade magazine, in which Ann and Mitt oh-so-humbly explain just how giving they really are because they've paid their required tithing to their church (and therefore, by the way, no one needs to see their taxes because one has nothing to do the other, but maybe Americans are so dumb they won't realize that).
AR: I love tithing. When Mitt and I give that check, I actually cry.Hahahahah! Giving money makes Mitt cry. How human of him. But Ann, supposedly the softer sweeter side of Mitt, explains how really, giving their required tithing makes her feel all warm and fuzzy inside.
MR: So do I, but for a different reason.
AR: I know this money is an indication of how much we trust God and love the principle of sacrifice. And it teaches us not to be too, too tied to the things of the world. And it is a very good reminder of how blessed we really are, and most of those blessings do not come from a financial source, but from the power above.This is a sentiment Ann has expressed before:
We can be poor in spirit, and I don’t even consider myself wealthy, which is an interesting thing, it can be here today and gone tomorrow.Sure is nice to have so much money stashed away in the Cayman Islands that you don't even have to "consider" just how much money you have, huh? But according to Ann, she and Mitt spent their early years struggling to make ends meet, living on the edge, just like regular people:
They were not easy years. [...]Then Mitt tells us that he's not actually a robot because he has emotions:
We were happy, studying hard. Neither one of us had a job, because Mitt had enough of an investment from stock that we could sell off a little at a time. [...]
Mitt and I walked to class together, shared housekeeping, had a lot of pasta and tuna fish and learned hard lessons. [...]
We were living on the edge, not entertaining. No, I did not work. Mitt thought it was important for me to stay home with the children, and I was delighted.
Right after Mitt graduated in 1975, we had our third boy and it was about the time Mitt’s first paycheck came along. So, we were married a long time before we had any income, about five years as struggling students.
MR: I'm emotional. I don't show it quite as clearly as John Boehner, but I'm an emotional person. There is a, I don't know, a societal norm that if you're running for office, you can't be emotional, and perhaps I bow to that too often.Suuuuuuure. The fact that Mitt Romney does not in any way resemble any actual human being is because that's the societal norm. Everyone knows how the electorate hates human presidents.
Mitt and Ann go on to tell us they like music—which is about as original as saying they also enjoy long walks on the beach—and then, in true Romney fashion:
AR: We have a friend in the Eagles.Yes, of course they do. Just like they have "a lot of good friends" who own NFL teams and "some great friends who are NASCAR team owners." Guess their friend in the Eagles is just a friend, not a great friend or even a good friend.
Then, because they are the Romneys, they deliver a flat-out lie:
And after the convention, how do you see the Republican Party?No. No, your party isn't even remotely united, and that's not going to change a week from now. Republicans are in disarray because of that whole "women who are raped shouldn't have abortions because, come on, it's not really rape" thing. The party has even decided to move Mitt's formal nomination up two days because of "concerns about a possible disruption from Ron Paul supporters at the Republican National Convention next week." Hell, Mitt and his running mate can't even agree on just how illegal women's rights should be. That's united? Really?
MR: We're united now.
For some reasons, the Romney campaign believes that if they keep emphasizing Mitt's unique qualities—like having a wife and kids—it will make people not hate him quite so much. It isn't working; every time he tries to connect with the commonfolk, he ends up insulting them. And his wife, whom the campaign is so certain will make him seem more likable and, well, human isn't very good at that either, since she's got a funny way of connecting with commoners too:
I love the fact that there are women out there who don’t have a choice and they must go to work and they still have to raise the kids. Thank goodness that we value those people too. And sometimes life isn’t easy for any of us.And she's supposed to be the nice one!