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pen on paper: 'Dear diary'
Hello, human diary. It is I, Mitt Romney, your better.

I nearly decided to call off writing today, Mr. Diary, because of this dreadful Florida weather. Ultimately, however, Eric F. pointed out that we were inside, and that we were in fact not in Florida, but New Hampshire.

I was obligated to explain to another reporter today that my reference to birth certificates was an uproarious joke, and that by joking I have further proved my human spontaneousness. Birth certificates are naturally humorous references.

Other than that, I have continuing to prepare for the convention. Ann and I are each working on speeches that convey my human nature of humanness. Today was to be the day the party voted to elect me as their natural leader, but as the first day of the convention has been canceled due to storm, it will have to wait until tomorrow. (We may cancel the voting tomorrow as well because voting on things is exceedingly dull, and takes time away from videotaped presentations as to my superiority.) The convention stage is, I am told, quite impressive, and includes large television screens on which we can project as many as 13 separate videotaped presentations as to my superiority at one time. Our campaign research has indicated that there are few things as patriotic as being able to watch multiple television screens at one time. When they are not being used for videotaped presentations as to my superiority, I believe we will use most of them to show flags.

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