4:15 PM PT: John Boehner gavels the evening's festivities into session. Tons of audacity/hope/puns. I see a curled lip.
4:17 PM PT: Boehner is pretending he's in a bar, drinking with friends, and President Obama just walked in. "You know what we would do? We'd throw him out!"
4:19 PM PT: Boehner talking about his bar, screams with indignance, "we did built that." I don't think he realizes that WE is the wrong word to be using if you're supposedly speaking out against "collectivism."
4:21 PM PT: John Boehner says he met Paul Ryan 22 years ago when Ryan was still in college. Yeah, Paul Ryan has never done anything in his life but hang around Republican politics. I'm younger than Ryan, and I've been a staffer in Washington, DC, but I've got more than a decade more experience in the private sector than Ryan.
4:23 PM PT: Reince Priebus has taken the podium. Surprise, surprise, he's decided to endorse ... Mitt Romney.
4:23 PM PT: John Boehner certainly seemed like he'd been drinking in his bar. And I'm pretty sure Priebus was too.
4:24 PM PT: All class, this Priebus guy: "We need to tell Barack Obama to turn around and go back to Chicago."
4:25 PM PT: I'm pretty sure I just saw Reince's microphone try to get away from the foul stench of his drunken breath.
4:27 PM PT: I suspect the audience is divided between people in the audience who realize Reince is loaded, and people who are so naive they think no one would ever take the podium of a national convention while drunk.
4:30 PM PT: Reince Priebus says "Barack Obama has a problem with the American dream." He then talks about his dad who was an "electrician." But Reince could barely enunciate the word. To be fair, try saying electrician three times fast while loaded with booze—it's not easy.
4:33 PM PT: Some guy who won a talent show on TV is singing a Lee Greenwood song. I have to be honest, he's doing a better job than Greenwood.
4:36 PM PT: The kid ends his song: "God bless America. We built it!" And the crowd starts chanting "U.S.A., U.S.A." And the thing is, they don't understand that is exactly what President Obama was saying. We built this country. No one person did it. We did it together.
4:37 PM PT: Apparently the RNC is really serious about pushing Obama's message:
4:38 PM PT: The dancing on C-SPAN. Oh God, please, please. Make it stop. Make it stop.
4:41 PM PT: They are playing a video touting Mia Love, a GOP candidate for Congress in Utah and the daughter of Haitian immigrants. A series of words flashes on screen listing her attributes. Among them: "Mother" and "Gun Owner." And she gives a rousing defense for the freedom to fail. And they introduce her with Queen, "We will rock you."
4:42 PM PT: She says her parents immigrated to America with $10 in their pocket. I wonder if she still has the bill.
4:43 PM PT: Mia love is not at all drunk. But she is mad as hell at President Obama. And the crowd loves nothing more than the daughter of Haitian immigrants getting angry at Obama.
4:44 PM PT: Mia Love keeps on talking about the American story as "our story." And I think she's absolutely right to do that. "This is the America we know, because we built it." Exactly! We did build it. Together! That's what President Obama was saying, you dumb shits.
4:47 PM PT: Okay, I cannot vouch for Janine Turner's sobriety, but she's got her stuff together more than Priebus. "Government didn't build it," she says. "God and the American people built it." #onmessage
4:49 PM PT: You know, I'm starting to see why Republicans loved Sarah Palin. As lame as she was, so many of their other options are so much worse.
4:52 PM PT: Yikes. This lady is accusing President Obama of trying to "destroy" the American dream by making people "dependent" on the government. She says God made her free, not men, because she wants to be free, and if she said that men made her free, they could take it away, and God would never take away her freedom. Yeah, okay, good logic.