I originally published this a few weeks ago, but after watching the RNC I felt it was even more apropos to compare them to an Ed Wood production. Hope you enjoy!
The more I've watched the insanity of today's Republican Party, the more I felt as if I was watching a really, really bad B-movie - and then I realized, they're re-making Plan 9 from Outer Space! This is the most fantastic story I've ever heard - and every word of it is true, too! Gaze upon my truth after the orange UFO below....
Greetings, my friend. We are all interested in the future, for that is where you and I are going to spend the rest of our lives. And remember my friend, future events such as these will affect you in the future. You are interested in the unknown... the mysterious. The unexplainable. That is why you are here. And now, for the first time, we are bringing to you, the full story of what happened on that fateful day. We are bringing you all the evidence, based only on the secret testimony, of the miserable souls, who survived this terrifying ordeal. The incidents, the places. My friend, we cannot keep this a secret any longer. Let us punish the guilty. Let us reward the innocent.
The dead body of BELA LUGOSI played by INSANE ANGRY OLD MAN CLINT EASTWOOD!!
"Confused by his great loss, the old man left that home... never to return again!"
[brakes screech and the old man screams]
MITT ROMNEY as the incredibly boring, utterly forgettable WHITE GUY LEAD ACTOR!
"Ah, what's the use of makin' a fuss. Last night I saw a flyin' object that couldn't a possibly been from this planet, but I can't talk about it. I'm muzzled by Army Brass. I can't even admit I saw the thing!"
KARL ROVE as THE ALIEN LEADER!!
"Your stupid minds! STUPID! STUPID!!"
DICK CHENEY as ZOMBIE TOR JOHNSON!!!
ANN ROMNEY as SOME NONDESCRIPT ALIEN FEMALE!!
"Now, don't you worry. The saucers are up there. The graveyard is out there. But I'll be locked up safely in there."
MICHELE BACHMANN as VAMPIRA!!
"In my land, women are for advancing the race, not for fighting man's battles"
And PAUL RYAN as the VISIONARY, KRISWELL!!
"Take a can of your gasoline. Say this can of gasoline is the sun. Now, you spread a thin line of it to a ball, representing the earth. Now, the gasoline represents the sunlight, the sun particles. Here we saturate the ball with the gasoline, the sunlight. Then we put a flame to the ball. The flame will speedily travel around the earth, back along the line of gasoline to the can, or the sun itself. It will explode this source and spread to every place that gasoline, our sunlight, touches. Explode the sunlight here, gentlemen, you explode the universe. Explode the sunlight here and a chain reaction will occur direct to the sun itself and to all the planets that sunlight touches, to every planet in the universe. This is why you must be stopped. This is why any means must be used to stop you. In a friendly manner or as (it seems) you want it."
So I have made my case. You have seen the proofs. My friends, you have seen this incident, based on sworn testimony. CAN YOU PROVE THAT IT DIDN'T HAPPEN?