Skip to main content

in case you miised it, i'VE BEEN OUT OF COMMISSION SINCE HAVING A STROKE IN fEBRUARY. There's   background here thanks to my fabulous friend MsSpen Youth. she put up a diary asking for help for me and you responded in a major way. Your generous financial gifts kept me from being evicted in August and gave me a strong start towards September's rent and your emotional support kept me from jumping off a bridge. (Bridges are hard to find here in Greensboro but I had been lfeeling low enough to make finding one and jumping from it my final project.  I'm  much better now but still challenged - just as you will be challenged trying to read this because my left hand is a lot like a meat hook hanging from my arm, with little to no dexterity or control (from the stroke and a torn rotator cuff - therapy gift.) so I'm typing with one finger of my right hand (which is exhausting and error prone'if I end up in all caps, it's a keyboard/finger accuracy problem (it happens often on this little netbook - the caps lock keyis poorly placed and easily pressed in error) and I am not yelling, I* promise*. I save my yelling for thesister from hell who screwed me out of a home and left me homeless after a stroke. that yelling is emotionally draining and usually peppered with ewirty dords which inflict s tress upon my emotionally fragile,elderly mother who is almost never not with the sister. reading this will also be a challenge because I've never used a word when a sentence would do, or a sentence when a paragraph would do. (verbosity isn't fun for anyone' I've always been this way can't blame the stioe.  here's the background as well as I can explain it:

my mother came to live with me and my boys about 1q6or 175years ago. her health was bad and the travel VEL TO HER WAS DIFFIcultULT FOR ME WHEN NEEDED NTO TAKE CARE OF HER AND TO GET HER TO DOCTOR APPOINTMENTS  while neing a single Mom yo two little boys and working full time. MY SISTER LIVED LESS THAN 2 MILES FROM MY MOTHER BUT DID NOTHING TO elp her. so Mom sold her house and moved to Greensboro tp live with me and my boys. she invested iin a house larger than Icould have afforded so there would be room for all four of us and separate lining/family rooms for her and for me and the boys SHE AND i CONTRIBUTED EQUALLY TO A JOINT CHECKING ACCOUNT TO COVER HOUSEHOLD REXPENSES (EXCEPT FOR THE MORTGAGE WHICH i PAID COMPLETELY ON MY OWN. THE ARRANGEMENT WORKED WELL FOR A WHILE, UNTIL GROCERY AND UTILIRTY PRICES GREW AND MY CONTRIBUTION TO THE HOUSEHOLD EXPENSES GREW ACCORDINGLY, CUTTING INTO MY ABILITY TO SAVE money and eventually making it difficult to pay all of my bills. Rather than ask Mom to contribute more, I down- sized to a smaller, less expensive home and did what I could to cut expenses. meanwhile Mom's prescription costs grew to a point where she couldn't afford her meds and was taking less than prescribed trying to stretch her money. then she started using credit cards to pay for meds and wiped out her savings (including the proceeds from the sale of her house) to clear her debt). she eventually filed for bankruptcy and invited the company which had financed her car to repo it and she took money she had invested for her grandkids education to buy a less expensive used car. then I lost my job and my ex stopped paying child support and life became a difficult financial struggle. I tried to file baqnkruptcy to keepb the houyse aND CONSOLIDATE OTHER DEBTS AND ELIMINATE THOSE WHICH COULD BE ELIMINATED. {i COULDN'T HANDLE THE REPAYMENT amount on my tiny unemployment check so my Mom paid the first month's payment for me (this tidbit becomes important later) and then I realizedout I'd never make it on justunemployment and spoke with a financial advisor from chu7rch who helped me with a plan w to survive going forward until I could get another wrell-paying job (which, msny yearas later has not haappened.) I let the bankruptcy be dismissed and, facing foreclosure, found an investorsomeone through the church financial advisor to buy the home in a short sale, taking that pressure ff my shoulders. and I found a nice little rental for us and we moved. a few years after moving I had serious medical problems and underwent quadruple bypass surgery. the imbalance in household expense payments continued and worsened (in my Mom's defense I had not told her about the imbalance) and I was constantly looking for ways to save money. I found a rent-to-own opportunity that looked and sounded gpood but it required a couple thousand dollar payment up front. I had no savings at that time and my Mom insisted that I let her pay that money. I needed to make changes and saw no aloternatives.;. A  month later I developed a life-threatening infection from the surgicalt incision. I spent three weeks in intensive care and underwent two surgeries which lrft permanent chest wall deformity which  has caused constant debilitating pain since. the move to the rent-to-own home took place while I was in thye hospital, the house vwas almost perfectfor us and I was worried I would be unable to buy it because I was out of work on short term disability for 6 monyhs. keeping up with the rent wa very difgfivult, fortunately the landlotd was a kind, patient and generous man who views rental property as not just a source of income but also as an opportunity to do good for others. I told him of my struggles and my doubt about being able to buy the home as planned. he told me not to worry about buying it and he dropped a couple hundred dollars off the rent to help me immediately. I was able to retun to my crappy contract job and would havefinlly6 been ableto save a little money except prices for grocerties and then utilities and groceries went up a bunch,eating into my "disposable income" so that nothing was left.  after baa cou[le years I spoke with my landlord again and he asked if dropping the rent further would help. of course I said yes and thanked him. then last fall, with myoldest son living on his own and my youngest living with his  father aftewr getting into lreal trouble and drug problems proving that I co9uld not keep him safe here. the house was much larger than I needed, and costing much more in heating and cooling costs than made sense bfor two people and one dog, I spoke with my landlord and asked if he had any other smallerb properties available so that I could down size and cut expenses. he said hre had one in a nearby town which he felt would be perfect for the three of us which would be availasble in the spring. bhe said it rents for what I bwas currently paying, but he could reny mine for a lot more and use some of the extra to bsubsidize my rent in ther otheer home.I drove ny the other house and was interested enough tob want to see it.
Mom had a series of illnesses and injuries which kept her hospitalized and in nursing/rehab for a long time. At her insistence, I took over paying her bills using her personal account. her bank does not have on-line bill pay (and I refuse to waste my time WRITING AND MAILING paper checks. MY LANDLORD ASKED HOW THINGS WERE GOING AND i TOLD HIM IT WAS DIFFICULT ESPECIALLY AT THE START OF THE MONTH NWHEN THE RENT WAS DUE. HE PERMITTED (ENCOURAGED ME TO PAY JUST HALF OFN THE MONTHLY RENT ON THE FIRST AND TO PaY THE REMAINDER BY THE 15TH. THAT GAVE ME SOME BREATHING ROOM and I did it. I didn;t mention it to my Mom (since it was my expense alone and my business I didn't want to stress her out - she's a worrier.).

so thrfree of her personalbills were scheduled for payment from the joint household sccount and her monthly contributionwas increased to cover those bills and to close half of the gap between her original contribution and half of the monthly household expenses. when she got back home I went over ewverything with her so she would understand what I had done. just a week later I had a stroke and my Mom stressed out that the electric bill and water bill which had just come by mail were due and she had no way to pay them;. on-line banking is too complicated for her and she refused to try. she wouldn't take my word for it that I hsad rfeceived electronic versionbs of those bills and had scheduled their payment, so she begged me to give my sister ACCESS TO MY ACCOUNTS SO THAT SHE COULD TAKE CARE OF THE BILLS. i gAVE my sisterMY CREDIT UNION USER NAME AND PASSWOR4D SO SHE COULD conform to my mom that those two bills were covered, a  werek latewrbwhen I was less out of itand vable to use myt computer I tried to access my accounts on-line, only to discover nthat The user name and password had been changed. I confronted my sister and she condescendingly explained that she was taking care of my finances since I had proven incomprtent bto do9 so.)i SCREAMJED THAT SHE HAD TO GIVE IT BACK TO MR UNLESS OR UNTIL A COURT FOUND ME ioncompetent. my mother got defensive of my sister and irritated at me saying "no one is threatening to have you declared incompetent". that wasthe final wedge in the relationship between me and my mother.prior to the stroke wer had had weeks of rain when my Mom hads returned home from he last nursing home.rehab admissionmy sidster who had recently quit hrer job was spending a lot of time withm,y moyher fot the first timein decades. she noticed what she thouht was mold on the brick fireplace , it wasn';t mold, it was calcificationbutt she didn't believe me or myty landlotd.
I adcised the loandkord and he sent his roofing contractoro troair an area on theoutside of the huse near thefitrplace where water was getting insaide the wall he ibspcted the interior of the house in the area around the leak for mold and it was clean. my sister didn;t trust him because she had decided my landlrd was a cheap. greedy businessman (another example of dxishonest prople suspecting that everyone is trying to cheat because thay;s what they would do given an opportuni8ty.she went to home depotand bought a hpme mold terst kit. yhther instruvtions on the outside ofnthe paxkage were very clearr thast two samples were needed to validate any findings, ond from inside the home and one from outside, That made no sense yo my uneducated sister so only the inside of the house was sampled, the collrvtionwere senyt ogg fot analysis anf many commonmmolds were found.Myister threatened to call the health department about thwe the "mold problem" saying the landlord refused to have it properly taken care of if the lsndlotf didnot lloetrt me out ofmy lease I did not want out of my lease and did not believe ntherebwas a house-apecific  mold problem.My education included thresearch mrthods using svientific principles. I was a TA for resaearvh methods. so I knoww thr mold findingswere not significant without an outside bsamp0le for comparison. My uneducated sister convinced my mother the findings were meaningful and that the insyrtuctions were sumply mean to  sell mo test kits. now sister has my Mom convinced that her worseningof COPD was due to mold (rather than to be expected with aging and inactivity/deconditioning as her pulmonologist  and cardiologist have often said) and that I refuse to accept the findings out of guilt for making her live there rather than because the findings have no scientiufic validity.. she feels that my sister saved her life. my first week in tfhe hodspital after the stroke my sister kept commenting on how much better I was breathing. nonsense! my only breathing problem was shortness of breath with exertion(walking, especially quickly or attempting to dance or to run) due to pulmonary hypertension and right side heart failure,. at that point following a stroke it took all my strength ro stand on my own feet unassisted, so exertion wwasn't going to happen. sister was(and nis full of it (with or without the b"sh"that could start the word.  my sister wanted us out of that house and she broke my lease ( my wonderful landlord took her at her word that she was acting in my behalf and that she had a legal right to do so. she then had the house contents packed into a storage pod (which she expected me to pay the month;y rent on; I refused so my Mom is taking the money out of her tiny social security check. My sister insisted that Icouldn't go back t5o that house because I couldn't sfford itI TOLD HERR i HAD BEEN MANAGING to afford it fo9r 4 years and her opinion was just that and nit was not factually based. she told anyone who would listen that I couldn't sfford the house3 and didn't know how to manage my monry. that includes extended family and some friends. ZAt that poinhy in time I didn't know know how much my short term disability was so I had not determined what I could reasonably afford. she refused as she had before , convincng the sociaL; worker in the process that I could not afford my own placee.  Based on her assumptions and calculations. theonly reasonble plan for me when released from rehab, s plan plan, to which I ands my sons objected strongly was for me to live with my sister where my mother was living I nmade it as clear as I ncould to the social worker that it would not wotk banf that I objected stronhly. she rolled hger beyes and said it was time to put my bigt gitl psnts on and to learn hpw yo grt along with people.bthr only people I've ever had trouble getting along with were my exhu7sband after his extramarital affair abd my sis (FAT LOT OF GOOD THAT DOES ME NOW, BUT i MRNYION IRT IN CASE A READER FINDS THEMSELF OR SOMEONE THEY LOVE IN A SIMI;ASR SITU7ATION.ter. this week O learned from social servicesa that I could haave asked Adult Protective services rto intervene aS MY ADVOCATE REGAEDING HOUSING AND MY SISTER'S REFUSAL TO LET ME ACCESS AND CONTROL MY MONRY.e was no internet service. so I was miles from my son and my friends with no way to communicate. none of the thing I loike to eat and drink were in the house. she told me to find someone to take me shopping if I needed something that wasn't there. I reminded her that I still did not have accdess to my accounts, then she gave me the latest bank dstatement and the check cards bwhich she had removed from my wALLET WHILE i WAS OUT OF COMMISSION. o CALLED YHE BCREDUT UNU
ION SUPPOTY LINR YO RESET MY USERNAME AND PASSWPRD AND WAS ASKEDNTO BERIFY MY NADDR4ESS. i GABE NTHE VADDREASS OG TH HOUSE u HAD BEEN VALLING HOME FOR YEARS,WHIVH HAD BEEN MY ADDREWS LONGRT YHan U'd hafd accounys withe the credit unioon only to lrarn thatsister had changed bmt address to hers ewith 5he bcredit union. O doscoveref latwe that day when mail was vtought in ythat she had akso cjasnged it with the posr office. b- wiyhout my prtmiossion and she had bot told me, my son came out on his day off and took me to a doctor appointment, I nad used myt Mom's mobile phone (which had always been paid from the joint household account) to call him.; that was my only mental health break.while nout nwe went to the post office ande I talkednto the postmaster non du7ty about the frau7dulent address change. he said there was nothing thery could do so I complewted nrw change ofd address forms to redirect mail ftom my prior home nto me in care og ,y son's address and mail addressed to me at my sister's ADDRESS TO ME IN CARE OF MY SON AT HIS ADDR4EWSS. i DIFN;T GET MY FIRST SHORT TERM DISABILITY CHECK UNTIL THREE WEEKS LATER. i HAD TO CDALL THE COMPANY TO GIVED THEM A GOOD ADDRESS. APPZARENTLY THEY HGAD BEEN TOLD BY MY SISTER THAT i WAS OUT OF REHAB AND CLEARED TO RETUN YO WORK, SO THEY WERE HOLDING MY CHECKS,.i ASSURED THEM THAT i HASD NOT BEEN CLEARED FOR WORK AND THAT, INSTEAD i HAD BEEN INSTRUCTED TO APPLY FOR SOCIAL SECURITY DISABILITY. IRT IDS NOW 5 NMONTHS LATER AND MY DOCTORS AND OCCUPATIONAL THERAPIST INSIST THAT i CANNOT RETURN TO WORK OR EVEN TAKE THE POST-STROKE DRIVER RETRAINNING CLASS.

the next day I had another doctor appointment and my sister took me. she insisted thayt I must allo9w her to go9 into the examin8ing room with me and I insisted thaty she {"keep her fat ass in the waiting room with all the other people who have no right to invade my privacy. she took that as mr being disrespectful considering baall she had done for nme- I said she had donre tjhings to me but nothing for me and she insisted thay she haD TO BE THERE SO SHE WOULD JNOW THE STATUS OF MY HEALTH AND RECOVERY BECAUSE SHE COULDN'T TRUST ME SINCE i HAD GOTTEN SO MALLY ILL.  THAT SFTERNOON SHE TOLD ME i HAD TO DO THINGS HER WAY, INCLOUDING GIVING HER BACK CONTROL OF ,Y ONRY AND ACCOUNTS AND ALLOWING HER IN THE EXAMINING ROOM AT ALL MY DOCTOR VISITS AND SITTING IN ON MY COUNSELINBG SESSIONS OR i HAD TO GET OUT. SO MY SON CAME YO GERT ME, WE BACKED OV TOILETRIES AND A FEW CHANGES OF CLOTHES and set out top find a place for me to stay, I thought I could stay with him, skeeping on his coouch (a last resort, two 21 year old men do not want an old lady loiving with them and I difn't want to liven the me3ss/filth og two overgrown boys. as it turns out son's roommate had gotten adog that is nrey obnoxious and big and it would not be saFE FOR ME THERE. i CALLED FRIENDS UNTIL i FOUNDNE WHO HAD A SPARE ROOM AND WELCOMED ME WIYTHOUT HESITATION. i SPENT A WEEKENDS WITH HER AND HER FAMILY. IRT WAS NICE, RELOAXING, GREAT FOOD. BUT THEY HAVR A FOG, A VERY SWEET, WELL TRAINED HOUND DOG WHO WAS ALWAYAS GENTLRE WITH ME. BUT MY FRIEND WAS AFRAID HER DOG WOULD MAKE ME FALL, SO AFTER TWO DAYS i LEFT BECAUSE SHE SEEMED UNCOMFORTABLE, (SHE WAS FREAKED OUT BY THE AMOUNT OF MEDICINES i WAS RAKING. ON THAT FIRST mONDAY MY SON TOOK ME TO THE RESOURCE CENTER IN TOWN THAT WORKJS TO PREVENT HOMELESSNESS AND TO HRLP THOSE WHO ARE HOMELESS WIRTH SHOWERS AND LAUNDRY FACILITIES AND INTERNET ACCESS AND TELRPHOINES AND BUS PASSSES. THEY SENT ME TO SOVIAL SERVICES TO APPLY FOR MEDICAID , THEY SENT MRE TO SOCIAL SECU7RITY. AS NIGHT APPROaqchewd and I had nlo where to go I got ascared . the women's sheltewr wouldn't trake me because of my meds, the seniot centers wouldn'y take me because I easn;t yet 55.  I had my son tale me tp an ecyended stay hptel O had heatd doscussefd aqs a possible bresource at the resoutce center.;. oy was better than being wiyj my sister or slrrpimg in mu don'd ;ottle var. biy oy wasn'y vhrap. after 5 weels ogecyended bstay looge. ,y sonpasid for a few more weekls fpr me, 2hich hye really couldn;t affotd (O have since paid him vack.) and bwe started ;ooling for something motr prtmanent O seyyled on a futnisjed apartment, so I wouldn'6y habe to deal woyh my nsoster to het ,y fitnoipytr. bouy O vpi;dn't comr up with the bsecuriyu deposit. ba ftirnd loaned me the money I nreeded because she was afeaid for me in the hoyel, and I', still ytyonh ypo pay nher back. the brent gor yhe aspatyment is bery high (yoo ,ich fot my tomy shoty yrtm disability vjrvkm so I goy mu gitniuot
rew ftp, nstptshe (yhe cost og dealong with my sisyer almost made me homicidalm and now my rewny id ,aNAGEAVLE WIYJOUT 65THE FUTNIYOTR. SADLY MY SHOTY YRETM DISABILITY HAS ENDED SP FOR NOW i HABE NO INVOME B.  MY HRALTH INSUTANVE JAF TP MR PASID FOR YWO MPNYJS YHOSWEEL , HJUST OVER #500 BECAUSE i WAS TURNED DOWN FOT MEDICAOD DUE YP AN ADMINISTRATIVE ERRPR. YHAT INS PAYMRNY AYR MOST OG sEPYRMNRT'S REBT MONRY. pN yIRSDAY Ni WILL CONYACT A local agenvy for emerrhenvy rent assistancw.  social securiyu disabioliytu denied my vlao, and thanks to a great frornd I jave a great ;awyer an yje appeal is in the wotls. three og ,my sdoctprs are willing yo gp up bay fpt,r vpngoy,ong yjay yje sytole exaxernated depttrssion a interd]ferted with ecxecutive vcogn itrivefuncytiomms necessaARYT TO WORK.
u', JANGINH ON And hamhomh on there thanks ro wonderfu; prople. my6 sister has no more aboloty to vjray me or onyrtfere except for yhe lies she has been spreading  that nI yook advfantage og my mother finanviallt, lrttinh jrt nsuppoty mr *trmrmber that paumrnt sje made gor me when I was sicj? she claims tha I was cjarging mt

MONRY. AT MY SISTER'S HOUSE THERE WAS NO SERVICE FOR MY PHONE, NO LAND LINE O9R HOUSE PHONE AND NO INTERNET (MY SZSTER USED HER IPHONE'S WIFI FOR HER INTERNET ACCESS. SHE WAS UNWILLING TO LET ME USE IT. SO i WAS ISOLATEDFROM FRIENDS AND MY SONS NWITH NO WAY TO COMMUNI8CATEOUTSIDE OF HER STUP0ID LITTLE HOUSE ALL ASEALED TO NPREVENT THE POLLUTION OF FREASH AIT. i CAN'T IMAGINEN THE MYTHICAL HELL IS ANY WORSE THAN BEING THEREB WAS FOR ME.

EMAIL TO A FRIEND X
Your Email has been sent.
You must add at least one tag to this diary before publishing it.

Add keywords that describe this diary. Separate multiple keywords with commas.
Tagging tips - Search For Tags - Browse For Tags

?

More Tagging tips:

A tag is a way to search for this diary. If someone is searching for "Barack Obama," is this a diary they'd be trying to find?

Use a person's full name, without any title. Senator Obama may become President Obama, and Michelle Obama might run for office.

If your diary covers an election or elected official, use election tags, which are generally the state abbreviation followed by the office. CA-01 is the first district House seat. CA-Sen covers both senate races. NY-GOV covers the New York governor's race.

Tags do not compound: that is, "education reform" is a completely different tag from "education". A tag like "reform" alone is probably not meaningful.

Consider if one or more of these tags fits your diary: Civil Rights, Community, Congress, Culture, Economy, Education, Elections, Energy, Environment, Health Care, International, Labor, Law, Media, Meta, National Security, Science, Transportation, or White House. If your diary is specific to a state, consider adding the state (California, Texas, etc). Keep in mind, though, that there are many wonderful and important diaries that don't fit in any of these tags. Don't worry if yours doesn't.

You can add a private note to this diary when hotlisting it:
Are you sure you want to remove this diary from your hotlist?
Are you sure you want to remove your recommendation? You can only recommend a diary once, so you will not be able to re-recommend it afterwards.
Rescue this diary, and add a note:
Are you sure you want to remove this diary from Rescue?
Choose where to republish this diary. The diary will be added to the queue for that group. Publish it from the queue to make it appear.

You must be a member of a group to use this feature.

Add a quick update to your diary without changing the diary itself:
Are you sure you want to remove this diary?
(The diary will be removed from the site and returned to your drafts for further editing.)
(The diary will be removed.)
Are you sure you want to save these changes to the published diary?

Comment Preferences

Subscribe or Donate to support Daily Kos.

Click here for the mobile view of the site