Continuing his unconventional campaign for a U.S. Senate seat, Missouri Congressman Todd Akin has agreed to debate world renown science educator Bill Nye, saying he wants to "destroy once and for all the myth of the Darwinist monkey god."
Last week Akin claimed that Hurricane Isaac was god's punishment for Bill Nye's denial of creationsim. Nye responded by challenging Akin to a science debate during a live television interview.
Today in a press conference on the steps of an the Saint Louis Science Center Akin accepted Nye's challenge and offered a debate on all matters scientific.
"I am here today to announce that I am wiling to come into BIll Nye's house - the house of science - and debate this radical Darwinist over his extreme, secular, Jesus-denying views."
"Bill Nye and my opponent Claire McCaskill represent the liberal, godless, monkey-loving agenda which is pushing our great nation into permanent decline. If we conservative Christians can win the battle of ideas, its the first step towards taking our country back."
Adversus Solem Ne Loquitor
In his speech Akin outlined the topics over which he wants to spar, emphasising his antipathy toward the scientific consensus on global climate change, evolution, and the origin of natural disasters.
Akin lambasted the idea that God would let the Earth get too hot for humans, and mocked scientists for thier inability to predict volcanic eruptions. But it was the congressman's argument against evolution that was perhaps most compelling:
"Bill if you think human beings and monkeys are so similar, how come I've never been attracted to one? I've been attracted to black women. I've been attracted to Asian women. And I've even on occasion been attracted Arab women, as shocking as that may be."
"But Bill, I have never in my life seen a female monkey and thought - wow there's a MILF. How do you explain that Bill? I thought we were all supposed to be same? I thought we were all just one big happy hominid family? "
"How can we come from monkeys if we can't even have sex with them?. It looks like that 'theory' of yours isn't as airtight as you say, huh Bill?"
Akin then argued that science and religion held separate and unequal claims to absolute truth:
"You see the reality is ladies and gentleman is that Bill has his god, and I have mine. He worships Darwin and his monkey disciples. And I worship the good lord Jesus Christ. We come from two very different worldviews. One has the power of truth on its corner, and the other has Satan. And Satan must be defeated."
"So Bill Nye the Monkey Guy, the gauntlet has been thrown, and the ball is in your corner. I'm ready anytime between now and election day. Just give me a call, or send me a tweet and its on."
"And Bill, I'll bring the bananas."
Akin's opponent Senator Claire McKaskill issued a press release soon after the conference offering to pay for the debate out of her own personal bank account:
"I think this event would be great for the people of Missouri. I'd like to hear more of what Todd Akin has to say."
This article is republished from The Daily Currant, a new source for news satire.
The original version may be found here.
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