The Facebook site Pet Shaming has some dog owners howling with laughter and scratching their ears wondering why they didn't think of it first. But some animal rights folk claim it is an outrage! Is the site really abuse? Pooch Pollyanna puts perspective on canine consciousness!
Hi, my name is Pollyanna! I am a beautiful differently-abled black lab mix who had one day left in a Kentucky high kill shelter before I was whisked away by a rescue and taken to Chicagoland where I was adopted by my human. A little more about me – I love walks on the beach, tongue kissing, squirrel chasing and young submissive male Siberian Huskies. Oh crap, that is my personal ad! Enough about me anyway. To the real reason I am writing, sometimes you humans just have me scratching my head more than normal and I need to let you know how silly you are being!
What has got me chasing my tail this time? The Dog Shaming site on Face Book. If you haven’t heard of it, when we canines commit crimes (or just be ourselves), our owners take pics of our offenses and post to the page. So if a Doberman devours designer duds, a poodle piddles on a priceless painting, or a bulldog bumps over a bassinet, it is on the internet for the world to see! Pedestrian humor for us pooches at best, but ABUSE? Come on!!! We dogs are far more self-respecting than to care about what FB addicts think! Besides, you should sniff what we code in urine about you on our message boards – the trees and lamp posts. Our worst indiscretions don’t match you sex tapes! Or political speeches! Or sex tapes involving your politicians!
Now it could be that some of those other pet FB sites are simply jealous of all the likes Dog Shaming is getting! Cats aren’t the only green eyed monsters around. But here is what I think. Truly radical animal activists, the ones that RAGE at everything from free range chickens not having perfect lives to photoshopped internet satire have issues! No duh, you don’t have to have an owner who is a social scientist like mine to see that! I think that they have blurred the boundaries between themselves and the animals they claim to advocate for. The animal is a projection of their own wounded inner child who never received adequate protection! They were betrayed and hurt by their fellow humans at some point in their life. Instead of seeking counseling, they seek attention every chance they get to let the world know how angry they are! That is why PETA extremists never care how much backlash against the cause they create with their childish antics! They think it is about us, but it is really all about them. This upsets me. I don’t want them to conflate real abuse with a silly FB site because many out there trivialize our cause already. Pet overpopulation and factory farming are serious issues, I don’t want the good humans to lump together all those who care about us as nuts and flakes! I want those who speak for me to choose their battles wisely and carefully! Always the most sensible strategy, is that really too much to ask?
I will tell you something else you might not know! It was a dog who originally though of the Dog Shaming site in the first place. Let me let you in on a little secret! We canines control you, NOT the other way around! Example! Nothing irks me more than a skipped meal. I worked out a system to make sure my human never forgets my breakfast. I like to bound up our stairs without the bail and chain on the other end of my leash slowing me down. So I conditioned her to take the leash off at ground floor. I fly up the stairs, then laugh on the landing at how long it takes her to climb up. But I NEVER, and I mean NEVER set a paw inside the house until I hear my food being poured in my bowl. No food, no entrance, it is that simple! One time the B engaged me in a power struggle (sorry, my language has become quite urban since Chitown but she knows it is a term of endearment. In my circle B*I*T*C*H is a high compliment!). Anyway, she sat on the couch waiting for me to come in. I sat in the hall waiting for her to give in! Guess who won? So why do dogs advocate Dog Shaming? Think about it! In Kentucky, your owner comes in after you chewed the carpet and those good old boys will give you the boot, broom or belt and not think twice. But these more sophisticated net savy city folk will take another option if it reinforces their humane side! Dog shaming offers them perspective! So your precious four legged child just cost you thousands of dollars. It CAN be funny if you think about it. Don’t spank, publically humiliate instead! Post it on Facebook just like all those times you passively aggressively shared the worst pics of your human friends! Yeah that will really teach us. Dogs all across America will stop and think when tempted to run away with the rump roast - WAIT A MINUTE - this may end up on social media! (Another little secret, we dogs all have a pack-ugh-pact to ignore what is posted about us on the internet! Unlike humans, WE don’t believe everything we read!) Not to mention, we are still the center of your attention! Every hear of those movie stars who wear the most outlandish outfit just to get people taking? Like they say, no publicity is bad publicity!
My parting barks for all those humans who think there is something wrong with laughing at bad dogs is lighten up! Remember, while you think you are laughing at us, we are really laughing at you. FB and all social networks are a waste of time anyway. Who wants to communicate with a mouse click when they are nice pungent butts to sniff!